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Planning a bridal shower

SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
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So I'm getting married in May and my friend asked me to be her MOH and her wedding is at the end of September. She's decided to do a honeymoon registry and told me since her deposit is due in July I need to have her shower in June (let's try to ignore all of the faux pas here).

If the shower is in June, is there any chance I can wait until I get back from my honeymoon in mid-May to plan it? Or do I need to get started before my wedding? I've never planned a shower before and have no clue what I'm doing. I do know that I'm already stressing about it, though. 



Re: Planning a bridal shower

  • ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz
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    edited January 2013
    Did you offer to plan her shower or is she asking/telling you to plan it?  

    I would plan it though when it's convenient for you, not when she tell's you to do it.  
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  • jcg98jcg98
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    edited January 2013
    Wow, that is seriously ballsy of her. What I can't get past is, what exactly are you and the guests going to "shower" her with? Is she doing a physical registry at all? For planning purposes, I think you need to decide in advance where you are having the shower and book it, if it's going to be at a hall or restaurant instead of someone's home. Also I would get the names and addresses from her for the invitations before your wedding, but sending them can wait until you get back. A month to 6 weeks out should be enough notice. The rest of the shower plans can wait until you get back as long as you are settled on where to have it, and a caterer if necessary.
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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
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    While I did plan on hosting the shower (or co-hosting), we hadn't ever discussed it up until when she texted me to tell me that they were doing a honeymoon registry because otherwise they couldn't afford one and since the deposit is due in July, I need to plan the shower for June. 

    I tried to explain that June is a little difficult since my wedding is in May and I'm taking my honeymoon immediately after and she told me nevermind, that she'd do it herself then, because, as previously stated, she wouldn't be able to go on a honeymoon at all otherwise (which made me feel guilty and so I agreed to just do it in June to make her happy). 

    I also told her that it was kind of pointless to have a shower if she's not registering for physical gifts and after another very heated discussion, she's decided to do a small registry elsewhere in addition to the honeymoon one.

    Thanks for the advice, jcg!



  • Wow- I can't believe she's basically making her guests pay for her honeymoon.  Personally, I'd have the party at my house and do a backyard BBQ.  Why should you put out the money for a shower at a nice place if you're barely "showering" her with anything?  You can tell your friend that since you paid for your wedding and honeymoon, you don't have the extra funding right now to throw her a fancy shower.  Or tell her to go away after her wedding after they've saved up extra money.  
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  • You are a good friend, rdr. And good for you for calling her out on her antics. She sounds pretty selfish and immature. But maybe I'm just bitter, LOL. We couldn't afford a honeymoon either, so we still haven't taken one. Maybe this year. I sure as hell wasn't going to ask our guests to pay for it.
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  • Sorry but I wouldn't bend over backwards to help someone this rude. Let her plan the entire thing like she wants to do so she looks like the ungrateful fool, not you.  She's going to get a rude awakening when people bring physical gifts that she didn't register for.
     
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  • ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz
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    I agree with PP.  That's just rude.  It was a nice enough gesture on your part to offer to host the bridal shower, but for her to be telling you when to have it, that's rude.  I agree with agu, throw her a BBQ or something small.    
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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
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    I think a backyard/BBQ type shower is good. It's all pretty frustrating but I'm dealing with it as best as I can haha



  • I also think a backyard shower is more than fine!  I'm in a similar situation, getting married in June, MOH in Aug, and never planned a shower before, so I know the feeling, don't hesitate to ask the other bridesmaids for help!  Also, I disagree with the other posters, honeymoon registries are getting very popular and many of them offer nice cards or print outs that can be given as hard gifts to be opend at a shower, if the Bride and Groom already have housewares, I would rather give them something they really want (honeymoon) then yet another set of towels that they don't need or really want.  Maybe you could even use the Honeymoon as a theme for the shower (beach. hawaiian, mexican, etc) Good luck!
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  • I think you should at least book the venue before your wedding.  

    How many other bridesmaids are there?  Are there enought that you can you delegate invitations, favors, and decorations? Other that that there's really not that much you need to do.  


  • In Response to Re: Planning a bridal shower:
    I also think a backyard shower is more than fine!  I'm in a similar situation, getting married in June, MOH in Aug, and never planned a shower before, so I know the feeling, don't hesitate to ask the other bridesmaids for help!  Also, I disagree with the other posters, honeymoon registries are getting very popular and many of them offer nice cards or print outs that can be given as hard gifts to be opend at a shower, if the Bride and Groom already have housewares, I would rather give them something they really want (honeymoon) then yet another set of towels that they don't need or really want.  Maybe you could even use the Honeymoon as a theme for the shower (beach. hawaiian, mexican, etc) Good luck!
    Posted by lexi913
    I've had friends do Honeymoon registries as well, but they asked for things like massages, scuba driving, etc.  None of them dared asking for airfare or hotel rooms, which it sounds like what this girl is asking for.  Also, does she know that they companies that do these registries take a small percentage of the gift as profit for themselves?  So someone is spending $200 on a couples massage, but your friend will only get $180 in value.  
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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
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    In Response to Re: Planning a bridal shower:
    I also think a backyard shower is more than fine!  I'm in a similar situation, getting married in June, MOH in Aug, and never planned a shower before, so I know the feeling, don't hesitate to ask the other bridesmaids for help!  Also, I disagree with the other posters, honeymoon registries are getting very popular and many of them offer nice cards or print outs that can be given as hard gifts to be opend at a shower, if the Bride and Groom already have housewares, I would rather give them something they really want (honeymoon) then yet another set of towels that they don't need or really want.  Maybe you could even use the Honeymoon as a theme for the shower (beach. hawaiian, mexican, etc) Good luck!
    Posted by lexi913
    Ok but you're still sitting there watching someone open dozens of cards. Personally, I'd rather see someone unwrap a box and find a toaster inside than open a card with a check inside. 



  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
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    In Response to Re: Planning a bridal shower:
    I think you should at least book the venue before your wedding.   How many other bridesmaids are there?  Are there enought that you can you delegate invitations, favors, and decorations? Other that that there's really not that much you need to do.  
    Posted by njdoxie
    There are 2 other BMs. One of them works at a party store and is able to get tables and chairs which works out great. I will definitely delegate a few of the responsibilties so I don't have to worry so much. 



  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
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    In Response to Re: Planning a bridal shower:
    In Response to Re: Planning a bridal shower : I've had friends do Honeymoon registries as well, but they asked for things like massages, scuba driving, etc.  None of them dared asking for airfare or hotel rooms, which it sounds like what this girl is asking for.  Also, does she know that they companies that do these registries take a small percentage of the gift as profit for themselves?  So someone is spending $200 on a couples massage, but your friend will only get $180 in value.  
    Posted by agu101
    She knows because I told her when she originally said they were doing a HM registry. It didn't go over well. I was reminded that she couldn't have a honeymoon otherwise (again). 



  • Like others have mentioned, I would do a small shower at your house. You can make the plans and set the date before your own wedding, but you don't have to worry about all of the details.

    It's pretty crazy that she expects all of the shower guests to cover her entire honeymoon costs. What about taking a smaller trip - driving somewhere for a weekend rather than going on a large full-scale honeymoon? Yikes.

    Does she expect to make back all of her wedding costs from wedding gifts as well? ha.
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  • Just to humor us- where exactly is she planning on going for her HM?  
    (I'm also in the camp of people who have not yet taken a HM b/c we couldn't afford to do one, so I have very little sympathy)
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  • In Response to Re: Planning a bridal shower:
    I also think a backyard shower is more than fine!  I'm in a similar situation, getting married in June, MOH in Aug, and never planned a shower before, so I know the feeling, don't hesitate to ask the other bridesmaids for help!  Also, I disagree with the other posters, honeymoon registries are getting very popular and many of them offer nice cards or print outs that can be given as hard gifts to be opend at a shower, if the Bride and Groom already have housewares, I would rather give them something they really want (honeymoon) then yet another set of towels that they don't need or really want.  Maybe you could even use the Honeymoon as a theme for the shower (beach. hawaiian, mexican, etc) Good luck!
    Posted by lexi913
    Just because something is popular, doesn't mean it isn't rude or tacky.  Look at the cast of Jersey Shore.


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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
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    edited January 2013
    In Response to Re: Planning a bridal shower:
    Just to humor us- where exactly is she planning on going for her HM?   (I'm also in the camp of people who have not yet taken a HM b/c we couldn't afford to do one, so I have very little sympathy)
    Posted by agu101
    A cruise to Bermuda.



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