Pennsylvania-Philadelphia

Ahhh Vent - warning, long.

I went to visit my older brother (9 years older) this weekend to see his new baby. He lives in Virginia, and is a HUGE Phillies fan. I knew I could get two tickets for this year through a contact, so I asked him if he would want to go with me, as DH hates live events. He was so excited and said he would LOVE to.
 
I looked at the schedule to see what home games they had on Saturdays in May, and they have two, so I e mailed him both dates to see which would work for him before getting the tickets. He responds back that it sounds great, and he’ll check with his wife and get back to me.
 

So he e mails me today saying, Would wife be able to come with us? I’d be nice if she could come as well, would it be weird the three of us going? I just said I wasn’t sure if I could get more then two tickets. He then tells me any Saturday game would work, but that her feelings would be hurt if he went without her.. she didn’t say that, but knowing her she’d be sad if she wasn’t invited. 

When I spoke with him this weekend, and originally in the e mail, he had NO PROBLEMS it just being us. IDK what she said to him to guilt him into her coming as well, but the girl doesn’t even like baseball. I get you have a one month old, but I’m not in charge of your date nights, I thought it would be a nice time for me and my brother to just spend some time together. 

I told him I could only get two tickets, and if he didn’t feel comfortable going I’d get someone else to go with me. I’m just so upset about it. Why wouldn’t she just say oh my gosh that sounds like so much fun, and with all the help with the baby, you need a night to just hang out and have fun…. IDK what she said to him, but it really has me pissed off. You try to do something nice for someone….

Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.

  • edited December 2011
    Ugh. That is annoying. I would feel crappy if I were in your position too. Is this something that she (SIL) does often? I ask because you were quick to assume she had said something that would guilt him... Either way, it's crappy. And I hope you guys can work it out to go, just the two of you. I think it is a really nice gesture of you :)

    PS - My gut reaction is to say screw 'em and bring me!! :P
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  • Jesster153Jesster153 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with you completely...

    If DH's sister wanted to go to a game with just him- then by all means go! He goes with just his Dad all the time (even though I'm also a huge phils fan) so why would it be any different to go with his sister? And why would see be mad that you wanted sibling bonding time?

    Weird. and a bummer. I hope it ends up working out for you though!
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  • edited December 2011
    I find it odd that he can't stand up for himself and say "hey honey, I hear you, but I would like to hang out with my sister for a few hours.  You know I don't get to see her much".  

    I always try to be "nice" in these situations and would probably cave and let SIL come, but I dont' feel that that is the right answer.  I can understand why you're upset.
  • ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I just think she doesn't want to be "stuck" with the baby... but as soon as he sent me the "can wife come" I knew she had said something like "well what am i going to do when your gone, or well who's g oing ot watch the baby or, well i need a break from the baby too, or can she really only get two tickets? or "when are we going".... My mom says when he calls, they are ALWAYS on speaker phone together, no one ever gets time with just him, ever, even for a phone call. It's just annoying, I'm not getting this for him for his birthday... it's a hey i have two tickets i'd like you to go with me.... grrrrrr

  • ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:6192a77b-540a-4ac4-bad2-9546eba1b6ba">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I find it odd that he can't stand up for himself and say "hey honey, I hear you, but I would like to hang out with my sister for a few hours.  You know I don't get to see her much".   I always try to be "nice" in these situations and would probably cave and let SIL come, but I dont' feel that that is the right answer.  I can understand why you're upset.
    Posted by miguelhilary2010[/QUOTE]

    I don't want to say anything negative about my brother... so I'm going to go ahead and just ignore the why he can't stand up for himself. But I won't cave, as I'm sorry, but I'm not paying for the two of them to have date night away from their kid while I sit there....
  • edited December 2011
    I totally understand why you're upset.  I would be too.  I think telling him you can only get two tickets is fine.  You're his sister, it's not like there is a reason for her to worry about anything.  If he backs out, that's on him.

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  • Jesster153Jesster153 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    maybe offer to do something with just you and her another time?
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:486d58ca-4a27-4b1d-b2e2-9f755a1b993a">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I totally understand why you're upset.  I would be too.  I think telling him you can only get two tickets is fine.  You're his sister, it's not like there is a reason for her to worry about anything.  If he backs out, that's on him.
    Posted by drink227[/QUOTE]

    totally agree,
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  • ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:7f2afbd1-699d-4a37-95cf-8c91bac44af2">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]maybe offer to do something with just you and her another time?
    Posted by Jesster153[/QUOTE]

    Negative on that front Jess! I'm not going to cater to that. He's my brother... if I have an extra ticket to something, I should be able to ask him. Sorry... I'm just so frustrated. Haha. I did say maybe we could all do lunch before hand or something.

    I agree, if he backs out it's on him and I'll bring my other brother.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:af5f006f-5146-4b06-a8f3-b2173545b628">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE] But I did say maybe we could all do lunch before hand or something. I agree, if he backs out it's on him and I'll bring my other brother.
    Posted by ButtonsPepper[/QUOTE]

    Good plan!
    Stick to your guns!

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  • edited December 2011

    I don't know all of the circumstances but as a person who is marrying someone whose family is 6 hours away he is not leaving me for a weekend with a new baby to go see a baseball game. I wouldn't ask to go to the game either. I would probably say, "how about next year when the baby is older." Neither one of them would probably feel comfortable being with the baby for the whole weekend by themselves right now as they are most likely still figuring out a routine.


    If this were a day trip or she could spend the day with other family up here while he was at the game I would feel different.

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  • ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:b83aa842-391d-4013-801b-4b19c2ae7fd2">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know all of the circumstances but as a person who is marrying someone whose family is 6 hours away he is not leaving me for a weekend with a new baby to go see a baseball game. I wouldn't ask to go to the game either. I would probably say, "how about next year when the baby is older." Neither one of them would probably feel comfortable being with the baby for the whole weekend by themselves right now as they are most likely still figuring out a routine. If this were a day trip or she could spend the day with other family up here while he was at the game I would feel different.
    Posted by jelybeancg[/QUOTE]

    They are 3 hours away, and they would come up for a Saturday-Sunday and stay and visit with my parents. The game I would only have her husband away from the baby for 4 hours on Saturday night, in which my mom and dad are there to help her if she's overwhelmed. And when I talked to him about it with her there over the weekend, he was super pumped and she seemed to be on board with the idea. I agree, there is no way he's coming up on his own for the weekend, and I'd never ask that.
  • Jesster153Jesster153 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:af5f006f-5146-4b06-a8f3-b2173545b628">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long. : Negative on that front Jess! <strong>I'm not going to cater to that. He's my brother... if I have an extra ticket to something, I should be able to ask him.</strong> Sorry... I'm just so frustrated. Haha. I did say maybe we could all do lunch before hand or something. I agree, if he backs out it's on him and I'll bring my other brother.
    Posted by ButtonsPepper[/QUOTE]

    this is true. good point.
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  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, knowing all of that, I agree she should not be asking to go to the game.
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  • Amerbutt81Amerbutt81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I hate couples that are overly dependant on each other.

    Stick to your guns BP.  She sees your brother every day and needs to share ;)
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  • edited December 2011
    Normally I would tell you to have a drink and try to calm down... but in your situation I recommend a Rita's  :)


  • ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:36d95528-f3ab-41fe-bcf3-52b3d0de1e93">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hate couples that are overly dependant on each other. Stick to your guns BP.  She sees your brother every day and needs to share ;)
    Posted by Amerbutt81[/QUOTE]

    It's not even just this... I think it's been everything leading up to this, and this just broke the last straw to flip me over the edge. I'm just so sick of the BS. Sorry for venting so much :-(
  • edited December 2011
    BP--don't apologize!  You have every right to feel frustrated.  I would, too in your situation.
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  • edited December 2011

    Would she understand if you asked your brother to tell her that you guys wanted some sibling bonding time?

  • ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:dcf206dc-356a-4e2b-9f92-05bdf43d0536">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Would she understand if you asked your brother to tell her that you guys wanted some sibling bonding time?
    Posted by ysl1983[/QUOTE]

    That's the problem. I don't know what she said to him... or what he said to her. All I know is before he talked to her he was super excited about it, and after he talked to her he thought it may hurt her feelings if he didn't bring her too"... so I don't know what he's going to say to her tonight, or how she's going to react, so we'll see.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://philadelphia.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:0aa22f4c-9f05-4be1-b445-9a0fc37b2fe0">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long. : That's the problem. I don't know what she said to him... or what he said to her. All I know is before he talked to her he was super excited about it, and after he talked to her he thought it may hurt her feelings if he didn't bring her too"... so I don't know what he's going to say to her tonight, or how she's going to react, so we'll see.
    Posted by ButtonsPepper[/QUOTE]

    Hopefully it all works out!  From past experience (with my ex), I wasn't too comfortable being around his family.  Not that they weren't nice but I just got never comfortable around them so whenever we visited, I made sure to "latch" on him the entire time we visited even though I'm not the co-dependent type.  I definitely get your frustration though.  I'm VERY close to my siblings and would hate it if we never got any time alone due to significant others.  Thank goodness all of our significant others get along and they usually hang out while my sisters and I have our bonding time.
  • Stacylynn702Stacylynn702 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    DH's sister gets him a ticket to games all of the time.  I don't have a problem with it but it does hurt my feelings a little.   It ticks me off b/c it's him, her and a bunch of her friends so I know she gets multiple tickets.  It seems like she waits til the last minute when she only has one ticket left to ask DH.  I don't see why it would hurt her to offer us tix when she still has 2 left.  I know this is different where you're only able to get 2 tickets so I would be upset if I were you and your bro doesn't go.
    Sorry I took this opportunity to vent myself.
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  • ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If it happened a lot, or even sometimes, and there are multiple people going I can completely understand feeling left out :-( i'm sorry she does this.
  • CaitC21CaitC21 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thats just crappy on her part.

    I dont understand couples who need to be with eachother constantly.

    And hes your brother for god sakes


    P.S. My brother lives 8 hours away with 4 kids.  His wife has been cool with him coming to see me for a weekend by himself...more complex story in all reality, but she gets its family time, and I dont get to see him often
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  • angel33284angel33284 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I figured I'd be the dissenting opinion here. LOL

    Sorry, once a couple are engaged they are a pair and should be treated that way. How would you feel if you were invited to Christmas dinner, but they said "don't bring your husband". You slapped her in the face, and even if you could get her a ticket now the damage is done.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:620851f2-852e-4573-b64e-f697f1391d33">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I figured I'd be the dissenting opinion here. LOL Sorry, once a couple are engaged they are a pair and should be treated that way. How would you feel if you were invited to Christmas dinner, but they said "don't bring your husband". You slapped her in the face, and even if you could get her a ticket now the damage is done.
    Posted by angel33284[/QUOTE]

    I disagree HIGHLY with what you said here. The two things are not comparable whatsoever (Christmas dinner and a Philles game).
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  • ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:620851f2-852e-4573-b64e-f697f1391d33">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I figured I'd be the dissenting opinion here. LOL Sorry, once a couple are engaged they are a pair and should be treated that way. How would you feel if you were invited to Christmas dinner, but they said "don't bring your husband". You slapped her in the face, and even if you could get her a ticket now the damage is done.
    Posted by angel33284[/QUOTE]

    How is not being invited to christmas dinner, and a sibling having two tickets and wanting to take her brother the same thing? MY DH isn't even going to the game.... Sigh... Even when people get married, they are still separate people. Not being invited to a family dinner is one thing.. the two don't relate.
  • angel33284angel33284 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You go ahead and justify it to yourself and let us know how the game went. But I'll give you 20-1 odds that you don't end up going.

    Just because you and DH feel a certain way about something doesn't mean that everyone else will. They are married. You invited him and not her. You insulted her.

    Like it or not this is the way things work.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_ahhh-vent-warning-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:a52f1fa8-6fa0-41ad-8c6f-3fa27bc2546dPost:b5cff8c1-7809-44cd-afac-d272dc587192">Re: Ahhh Vent - warning, long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]You go ahead and justify it to yourself and let us know how the game went. But I'll give you 20-1 odds that you don't end up going. Just because you and DH feel a certain way about something doesn't mean that everyone else will. They are married. You invited him and not her. You insulted her. <strong>Like it or not this is the way things work.
    </strong>Posted by angel33284[/QUOTE]

    I actually think you are in the minority on this one.
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  • ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I told him if he didn't feel comfortable I'd take my other brother or a friend, I don't care either way. I was trying to do something nice for him. I still stand that a baseball came is not the same as a family christmas dinner.
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