Question about bridesmaids duties

Knottie_22382733 · March 2013

So after reading thru alot of posts everyone on here say the bridesmaids are only responsible for: A. buying their dress and B: showing up on the wedding day. After looking thru the actual website for The Knot, there is a article on all of the bridesmaids duties. So why are there two conflicting pieces of info from the same website? I understand that the forums are people's opinions, but why is there advice being "offered" that directly conflicts with the actual website?

Here's the link for the article:http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx

lacelover · March 2013

So after reading thru alot of posts everyone on here say the bridesmaids are only responsible for: A. buying their dress and B: showing up on the wedding day. After looking thru the actual website for The Knot, there is a article on all of the bridesmaids duties. So why are there two conflicting pieces of info from the same website? I understand that the forums are people's opinions, but why is there advice being "offered" that directly conflicts with the actual website?

Here's the link for the article:http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx

Blue_Bird · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_question-about-bridesmaids-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4ed99871-8d99-4f80-94e6-d9ab97b69f01Post:474e02c7-aceb-43e8-a2b3-ba55fde30c0e">Question about bridesmaids duties</a>:
[QUOTE]So after reading thru alot of posts everyone on here say the bridesmaids are only responsible for: A. buying their dress and B: showing up on the wedding day. After looking thru the actual website for The Knot, there is a article on all of the bridesmaids duties. So why are there two conflicting pieces of info from the same website? I understand that the forums are people's opinions, but why is there advice being "offered" that directly conflicts with the actual website? Here's the link for the article: <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx</a>
Posted by lacelover[/QUOTE]

This is because The Knot is part of the wedding industry that keep pushing more and more imaginary expectations on people because it generates money for them.

There is nothing wrong with bridesmaids doing any of these things, but they should never be expected. People seem to forget that your bridal party are your very special honored guests. You choose them to stand by your side at your wedding ceremony because you love them, and they support your marriage. They are not your employees. Oftentimes, bridesmaids do perform these tasks, but it is at their discretion. It is incredibly rude to treat your beloved friends and family like unpaid wedding coordinators or props.

AddieCake · March 2013

The Knot wants to make money. We want you to keep your friendships past your wedding day.

Knottie_22382733 · March 2013

You do realize you are on The Knot, right? How exactly does a website that you don't buy things from make money by your bridesmaid throwing you a bridal shower or whatever traditions that have been around for generations and generations?

Knottie_22382733 · March 2013

My great grandmother had a bridal shower, how is that not generations? If you disagree with The Knot, why are you on their forums?

audrewuh · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_question-about-bridesmaids-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4ed99871-8d99-4f80-94e6-d9ab97b69f01Post:f640de69-5173-4d41-979a-c13fb0661a0e">Re: Question about bridesmaids duties</a>:
[QUOTE]My great grandmother had a bridal shower, how is that not generations? If you disagree with The Knot, why are you on their forums?
Posted by lacelover[/QUOTE]

<div>Because a lot of us came here for advice and ended up making some really great friendships. </div><div>
</div><div>You're an adult. You can take our opinions with a grain of salt if you want, but know that a lot of girls have been there, done that and have that experience. You can take it for what you want. Just know that a lot of TK's "rules" aren't really the norm around the boards. </div>

Simply Fated · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_question-about-bridesmaids-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4ed99871-8d99-4f80-94e6-d9ab97b69f01Post:8ff99e34-717a-4cca-86d2-7b2f4af2f1cf">Re: Question about bridesmaids duties</a>:
[QUOTE]You do realize you are on The Knot, right? How exactly does a website that you don't buy things from make money by your bridesmaid throwing you a bridal shower or whatever traditions that have been around for generations and generations?
Posted by lacelover[/QUOTE]
Okay, here's the thing...
The link you posted says that it's the bridal party's duty to throw the bridal shower.
<strong>Help to plan, cohost, and pay for the bridal shower and bachelorette party with other bridesmaids.</strong>
That's a weird tradition that some circles follow. The reason throwing the parties became a traditional "duty" is because of bridal magazines and all that. One person reads an article in a magazine and puts it on their bridal party to throw the parties, so when <em>those</em> girls get married they think that's how it's supposed to be, etc. It's a nasty cycle.
Ask around to your mother, grandmother, and aunts. I promise you, not all of them had their bridal party be the ones to throw them their showers. Some might have because their MOH and/or bridesmaids <em>wanted</em> to, but NOT because it was their job to.

The wedding industry can only make so much off of the bride and groom. They can also dip into their friends and family. The internet helps spread false information faster than ever. Don't ever be fooled. It's like... okay, would you ever just read/watch 1 opinion on anything? No, of course not. You would want to hear both sides so you can make up your own mind. You've read TK's list of duties. And you have heard what we have had to say. You need to decide for yourself what to do now.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

OP, if you really want to play wedding industry zombie, and gangpress your BMs into dropping $$$$$$$$ on your wedding to the point they'll resent you, go ahead.

It's not our wedding, it doesn't affect us. We're here to give REAL WORLD advice to brides who care to listen. If you are more interested in corporate taglines because it's presented with pretty pictures, then go ahead and do that instead.

Treat your friends as badly as you please, and go do what you want. It's not our lives, and not our friends. You get a big ol 'shrug' from me as to why you're trying to convince us that our courteous treatment of our bridal parties was incorrect. It can't be undone, and I don't regret it. All my friends still rave about my wedding, and thank me for how I treated them vs how they were treated in other weddings.

Simply Fated · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_question-about-bridesmaids-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4ed99871-8d99-4f80-94e6-d9ab97b69f01Post:c29063c4-9be6-4807-b3f0-3b1e8fc704cb">Re: Question about bridesmaids duties</a>:
[QUOTE]Oooh, ooh - this is even more ridiculous .... <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/10-ways-for-bridesmaids-to-help-out.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/10-ways-for-bridesmaids-to-help-out.aspx</a>
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
That list is awful. All those costs add up.

"Collect disposable reception-table cameras at the end of the night and get them developed."
In 2013, the cost of developing disposable cameras are expensive. Ten dollars at Walgreens. If there are ten tables, that's over $100 right there. <a href="http://photo.walgreens.com/walgreens/pdpsdpitems/type=film_processing" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">clicky link</a>

"Take her gown to the cleaners after the wedding. Get her gown preserved for when she returns from the honeymoon."
Uhhh, isn't it about $100 on average to dry clean a wedding dress?

"Pack a honeymoon "in case you forget" bag: Include a disposable camera, sunscreen, sunglasses, moisturizer, saline, and other toiletries a harried bride might forget to pack."
Unless they're honeymooning on a remote desert island, I'm pretty sure there is a Walgreens there. Or at least a 7-11. Actually, no. If it's a remote desert island there is still probably a 7-11 there.

"Stock the couple's kitchen with food for their return. The worst trip is the one to the grocery store the night you return from paradise. Help them avoid reality for just one more day."
My own grocery bill is scary enough, thanks.
They can just go the next day. I'm pretty sure they'll survive one night without fresh milk.

I mean, <em>seriously</em>? OOT gift bags, tickets to a show? Escort cards, centerpieces... You're looking at hundreds and hundreds of dollars here.

Knottie_22382452 · March 2013

I agree with pele and retread. The shower and bachelorette party are GIFTS from the BM and MOH. It should never be expected that they will shell out hundreds upon hundreds of dollars/wait on the bride hand and foot. If they offer to help with anything in the wedding that's wonderful; but do not get upset with them if they are unable to help with a lot of DIY portions. It is your/FI wedding and up to the two of you to make it happen.

BubblyBride75 · March 2013

Think about the lists of bridesmaids duties as a resource for bridesmaids to look at, IF they choose. I have been in one wedding and I wanted to do everything I could for the bride to make her day and experience special. I did a little googling about MOH duties and found all sorts of lists, I looked at them and got an idea of some of the things it would be nice of me to do (shower and b-party planning) and I laughed at the ridiculousness at many of the articles and things on the lists (buying groceries - seriously?). Think of these lists as a resource for bridesmaids who want to do more for the bride. They are absolutely NOT a resource for brides. And most certainly not a list of everything a bridesmaid must do, just ideas of some things they could do to help out if they choose to look for these ideas in the first place.

If you don't take the advice of the ladies on these boards your bridesmaids will complain about you and your wedding for years to come (just had a b$tch session last night with a friend about the cost of being in weddings). Stick around these boards for a while and you will start to see that the regs are not mean or nasty, they know what they are talking about and are trying to help you plan a wedding that will have happy guests and wedding party and no talking behind your back about all the rude things you do.

AJuliaNJ · March 2013

A lot of these read like tips to help a friend that is going through the death of a loved one or a really tough time and is having trouble going through the motions of daily life. Someone planning a happy wedding celebration should not need this level of help and support.

Knottie_22382452 · March 2013

Andrea now that you mention it, it really does seem that way. There are some tips that are good ideas for BM to help if they can't figure out how to ask the bride if she wants help, or want to have a lot of involvement similar to what family could possibly help with. The buying groceries though and stocking the newly weds fridge seems to be a but much. In my honest opinion the over night bag of things the bride could have "forgotten" though would be a little over stepping, it's a nice thought but at the same time it's like saying "here's what you would need becauseyou probably forgot these items since i think your life is so chaotic".

Knottie_22382452 · March 2013

Fabulously put retreadbride

Knottie_22381989 · March 2013

OP's posts are getting whiny. Nobody owes you anything, if you ask, that's tacky, if you persist, that's rude, and if you pressure, you WILL lose friends. Period.

I mean, I want to be a pretty pretty princess for a day too, but I also want my bridesmaids (my two sisters and two sisters in law) to feel beautiful and not be broke or stressed because of my asinine demands that they spend every free Saturday leading up to my wedding "helping" me (or slaving away for me. Semantics.)

Knottie_22382733 · March 2013

I wasn't suggesting I was intitled or I was going to force my bridal party to do anything. I asked why there was two different pieces of advice being given, you all explained your reasoning, and veiws of the wedding industry. Thank you.

harper0813 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_question-about-bridesmaids-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4ed99871-8d99-4f80-94e6-d9ab97b69f01Post:2e639392-9a22-4383-ad25-ca84eef1b952">Re: Question about bridesmaids duties</a>:
[QUOTE]The Knot wants to make money. We want you to keep your friendships past your wedding day.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>A-effing-men.</div>

aquari0216 · March 2013

sorry honey but they are not your minions!

Question about bridesmaids duties

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