Should I invite this chick? (Kinda long...)

pzavecz · December 2011

I have this really close group of friends and we've been friends for a really long time. However, there is one girl in this group who I have grown apart from. I get the sense that she feels she is too good to hang out with us and really doesn't make any effort to see or hang out with us. Ok, that's fine...I can't make her if she doesn't want to. Whatever.

In general, she just really bothers me....There always seems to be some sort of drama around her and I just don't like dealing with it. Recently I was in town (I live in a different state and only see this group of friends like once a year) and me and the group of friends were all hanging out, doing a gift exchange. This girl said she wouldn't be able to come...but later that night, she called her twin sister (who is in this group of friends) and said she left her keys at home so she had to pick her up and take her home because she couldn't get in. We thought that meant she would stop in. She gets to the house and calls her sister and says she's waiting outside and to come out. She doesn't even BOTHER coming in for 30 seconds to say hi to people she doesn't ever see. We told her to come in so we could all say hi to her but she wouldn't....like WTF. It just showed me that she only cares about herself and is just plain RUDE! I didn't expect her to stop in and have a full blown conversation for 2 hours but geez...she didn't need to be rude. She could put forth the minimal effort necessary and have said hi.

Anyway, I told my FI about it and he agreed that she was totally rude and said we shouldn't invite her given how she's been acting (she hasn't really been that good of a friend in a while but I'm not going to go into it) and knowing the drama surrounding her. If she wasn't my friend's (who I am close to) twin sister, she would NOT be invited. Neither me or my FI really want her at the wedding. However, given her relationship with my friend and the fact that she lives with her...I think it would be really awkward to not invite her. I'm afraid it might just cause even more drama to exclude her...but at the same time, I don't think I should have to spend money on someone who doesn't even care enough to make the effort to say hi to me or even seems to care about having a friendship with me. Ugh...I don't know what I should do. What do you think? Should I just bite the bullet and invite her anyway so I don't have to explain myself about why she wasn't invited?

BMBrinson · December 2011

I would prob talk to the sister you like and let her know what your thinking, since they are related and live together she might be able to give you a better idea and so you don't offend her. I say don't invite any one you really don't like and I want as less drama as possible at my wedding. You have some time to see how things play out. It could get better or worse. If she needs an explanation about not being invited, just tell her you had to make choices and could only invite those that are really close friends.

PattySmith101 · December 2011

no dont invite her... if she was any kinda friend she would have made an effort to atleast say hi especially since she was there anyway and you arent there often. i know when my friends from other states are around i make every effort to see them.

sounds to me like you would only be inviting her out of obligation but you arent friends anymore! talk to her sister about it and see if she is expecting an invite and if you decide to not invite her and how you should approach the subject if her sister questions you < if that were me and i was plain out rude to you when you were visiting and didnt want to see you then i wouldnt expect an invite /> see how her sister feels about the situation just because they are sisters and live together doesnt mean you have to invite them both if you are no longer close to her dont invite her, save yourself the $ and possible drama< if she is a drama queen she might cause problems at the reception> on your wedding day

pockysquirrel · December 2011

I wouldn't want to invite her either. But if she's been a part of your group for so long, even if she's blowing off said group now, she may be expecting an invite. Go with your intuition and if you don't want her spreading negativity on your wedding day (if she even shows), don't invite her. But be prepared for the potential fallout, up to and including her blowing up at you and/or cutting ties with you entirely and/or trying to start trouble between you and your other friends. I second PP's suggestion of talking to the sister if you're on good terms with her, especially if you're concerned about how she'll react to not being invited.

kimm260 · December 2011

Like PP says it is up to you if you invite her or not. And if the other members of your group are feeling the same way towards her I don't think you will get any back lash from them.

Many suggested that you talk to the girl's sister/roommate. Do you think that this would cause more problems? Like would the sister (the friend you are closer to) be offended that you were talking about her sister? (I complain about my sister a lot, but feel I need to defend her if others are complaining/making fun of her behind her back) Would it be possible to talk to the girl in question? If you are not willing to talk to her about what is going on (maybe she is having some personal issues that is causing her to not want to be around her friends/causing her drama) then it doesn't make sense to invite her.

rbehm521 · December 2011

I think you have to decide if she would cause more drama if you invite her, or if you don't invite her. Personally, I wouldn't want to put her sister in an awkward position. I would feel funny if I had a sister and I went to some event that she wasn't invited to, if she was maybe expecting an invite.

If you decide to invite her, maybe you'll get lucky and she'll no-show.

CFM102012 · December 2011

You still have a while to decide. At this point I would put her on the maybe list, then try to talk to her. As pp's have said maybe she has something going on in her life. Let her know that you're concerned that you two seem to be drifting apart. See if you can patch things up with her. If, by the time you really need to finalize the guest list for invites, you haven't gotten back to a point where you definately want to invite her, talk to the sister. Explain that you feel you've drifted apart and despite your efforts things haven't really improved to a point that you absolutely want this girl there. Like PP said, I'd feel weird going to an event like this without my sister if there may have been an expectation of an invitation. At the end though its probably going to come down to deciding how on a few people and how much you want each to attend.

Good luck

shoebie · December 2011

I would not, never invite someone because you feel you have to, the people at your wedding should be there because you truly want to spend your special day with them

Stina2012 · December 2011

I'd invite her because she is your friends twin sister. Lame, I know...but I feel like this would be less drama for you and your relationship with her sister. Plus, if she can't even get out of the car for 30 seconds who knows if she'll get all dolled up and travel (even 30 minutes) for the wedding?

Go all 50s hairdresser on her and "Set It and Forget It". Invite her and then put her out of your mind so you focus on all the awesomeness of your wedding day! You won't even notice her there I am sure!

fishinflagrl · January 2012

What a tough situation. One of the girls mentioned you do have a while before you MUST decide, so hopefully she starts to make an effort, or you are going to have a hard decision. I would maybe talk to the twin sister, does she say the same thing about her not being aorund and being more distant with the group?

Should I invite this chick? (Kinda long...)

Re: Should I invite this chick? (Kinda long...)

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