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Elope

rebster35rebster35
in Second Weddings
I'm so excited to be eloping with the man of my dreams this summer.  Our only problem is that the RING is taking longer than expected.  I had hoped to have the ring before we tell our respective children...but I think we need to go ahead and do it.
Any ideas on how to tell them?  Tell my 2 and his 2 together or separately? 
His will likely be very excited and mine likely nervous.  (my ex has put major guilt on them....)
I"m excited for them to be "in on it" but just what to tell them gently.
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Re: Elope

  • nlindsay17nlindsay17 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Congratulations! I think I would tell them seperately. Hope all goes well!
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    How about taking everyone to dinner?
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I think it depends on how old your children are, how you think they will react to the news, and what your relationship is like with each other's children, and how they get along with the other kids. 

    If they are older, you think they are expecting an engagement and will be excited by the news, and everyone gets along really well, then go for a big group announcement -- maybe a nice dinner out, or a big family game night at home with pizza, whatever your favorite activity is to all do together.

    If they are younger and don't really understand marriage, you don't think they will take the news well, and don't know the other adult or other kids well (or don't like them), then it would probably be best to each tell your kids individually.    
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    I'd probably tell them separately regardless of age

    My reasoning: you already anticipate different reactions from his and yours. Kids are very much about "ownership" of their parents. Your kids "own" you, his kids "own" him. The thought of sharing is scary no matter how old (ie sibling rivalry into teens and later).

    The kids might be looking at the other kids, wondering why they are happy, or not, instead of focusing and processing the news you have shared and being honest with the two of you. It should be a joyous time, but of course in reality we know it isn't for everyone depending on the circumstances with the ex/other parent.

    In my situation, though my kids were "grown", my now 17 y/o daughter was reluctant to see me commit to my fiance. She'd had 12 years to process the separation between her dad and myself, but hates her dad's wife and feared she'd have no one on her "side".  In the end she was happy for us, but it took time to process in and around her busy life when kids today have no down time to process emotions.

    Your wedding is coming up quickly. After sharing your news with each other's kids, you might want to plan something special afterward for all. It is a delicate time and while you are excited for your pending marriage, you sound like a sensitive parent who will take the time to watch your kid's reactions, listen to their emotions, and address any worries.

    Good luck.
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  • 20pearls1620pearls16 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Since you don't have the ring yet, he might want to propose with the ring in front of them to include them. My FI waited until my daughter was home from college on break and proposed to me in front of all the children. That made them all (my 3 and his 1) feel special because they were a part of it. Athough you are already engaged maybe he can re-propse (if that is a word LOL) in front of them especially if they think it is a surprise to you. They would feel special.

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  • geekimageekima member
    First Comment
    Congratulations!  I think only you know your kids well enough to know what's best.  Good luck!  :)
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