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How much is too much to attend a bride's destination wedding?

LittleMissMayLittleMissMay member
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in Wedding Party
My friend recently got engaged and decided on a destination wedding. The prices have recently jumped incredibly and she thinks they'll go down after the summer. The overall travel/accommodation cost is so expensive, my husband and I have already decided there's no way both of us could attend. I'm in the wedding party so I feel obligated to support her choice of wedding. She picked a resort that is $400/night (3 night minimum stay). Just for the airline and accommodation for a 4-day trip (at the current rate), I'm looking at nearly $2000. This amount doesn't even include what I'll be paying for my dress and her shower/bachelorette. I'm not familiar with destination weddings and would appreciate any thoughts on how much other people may have paid/expected their wedding party to pay for a destination wedding.
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Re: How much is too much to attend a bride's destination wedding?

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    TiffannieFTiffannieF member
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    lmfao....I love how TK is STILL wonky and poor LittleMiss made 3 different posts about the same thing but each are worded different...
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    OBX2011OBX2011 member
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    I know right!  I thought on Friday when TK was shut down, that we would come back to a forum that actually worked, posts would show up and they would finally be sorted by most recent posts....but nooooo!  Apparently, TK Gods were just toying with our emotions, lol.

    OP--if we can ever see your post, I promise we will answer you :)  Poor thing!

     

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    graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
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    OP-- even though I can't see your thread, I will say that anything more than your budget allows is too much. Just because your friend is getting married doesn't mean that you HAVE to take a vacation that you may not have planned or budgeted for. A true friend will understand that her far-away party might be too much for some people to afford and she shouldn't bug you about it.  
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    LittleMissMayLittleMissMay member
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    I thought I was going crazy because when I'd click 'post' it would clear out my entire write-up. It's nice to know it's not me or my computer, but actually TK. I ended up getting my dilemma posted in the budget wedding section. It's basically that my friend's destination wedding is looking like it's going to cost about $2000 for only me (can't afford for my husband) for only airfare and accommodations. Being the first destination wedding I've been involved in, I just wanted to gauge whether I was the only one who thought this was ridiculously expensive for me to be part of. Sorry for all the harassing repeat posts!
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    elldee333elldee333 member
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    a $400/night resort? That sounds like a lot to me! I've been invited to (granted, not a part of) a few destination weddings and I didn't go because it was too expensive (and that was around $1200/person).  Your friend should understand if you aren't able to go, which will be upsetting for both of you, I'm sure!

    But when she decided to have a destination wedding, it's sort of an understanding that not everyone you want to attend will be able to, unless she's willing to help foot the bill Laughing
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    TiffannieFTiffannieF member
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    I haven't been in this situation but could you possibly bunk with somebody else help split at least the hotel cost?  Make sure you let the bride know what you can afford for the dress (whether that is $50-$100). 
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    tldhtldh member
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    TK is getting ridiculous.

    OP - here is my answer that I gave on one of the other threads:

    Too much is what you cannot afford or more than you are willing to pay.  I spent about $2000 for my friend's DW in Ireland but I only did it because I'd never been there before and really wanted to go.  I was there for 10 days.

    I will admit to expecting the B&G to help out at least with the airfare since I was the best woman (there were only two of us in the WP and the bride's parents paid for her sister/MOH's expenses) but that didn't happen.  I did have two nights free because they'd rented out the castle in which they were married but the rest of the time I stayed in B&Bs.

    So, bottom line - if you think it's too much, it is.  Tell her now that you won't be able to swing the costs.
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    LittleMissMayLittleMissMay member
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    I could justify $2000 for 10 days in Ireland, but the same amount for 4 days in the Caribbean just does not equate to me. I tried talking to her about it recently to explain the limits I was willing to spend should the airfare decrease, and while I would've hoped for some understanding, she instead became defensive of her decision and said that she couldn't help it that the airfare increased. This makes it very difficult to talk to her. I want to be as supportive as possible, whether I can make the wedding or not, but I'm worried if I tell her now that I can't spare that large amount for a 4-day trip, she'll shut me out for the whole engagement and never speak to me again. I tried testing the waters the other day and she just didn't like what I had to say...
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-much-is-too-much-to-attend-a-brides-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2d453031-2dfd-462f-a383-e63d615073b1Post:8fd5715b-8421-4f16-a4fa-7f439c32d17c">Re: How much is too much to attend a bride's destination wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I could justify $2000 for 10 days in Ireland, but the same amount for 4 days in the Caribbean just does not equate to me. I tried talking to her about it recently to explain the limits I was willing to spend should the airfare decrease, and while I would've hoped for some understanding, she instead became defensive of her decision and said that she couldn't help it that the airfare increased. This makes it very difficult to talk to her. I want to be as supportive as possible, whether I can make the wedding or not, but I'm worried if I tell her now that I can't spare that large amount for a 4-day trip, she'll shut me out for the whole engagement and never speak to me again. I tried testing the waters the other day and she just didn't like what I had to say...
    Posted by LittleMissMay[/QUOTE]

    So from her actions and response to what you had to say (your reasons for worrying are legitimate...$400 a night is ridiculous!) she is basically telling you that her wedding is more important then you or your finances.

    I would give her a heads up that there may be a chance that you won't be able to make it due to the costs, but that you will base that decision when it gets a bit closer.  If she huffs and puffs then that is her problem.  She choose this type of wedding and she needs to realize that not everyone can afford such a lavish 4 day trip.  She should also prepare herself that many of her invited guests may not come.

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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    $2,000 would be too much for me to spend on a DW, even for my BFF.  

    FWIW, my entire extended family is currently on a cruise to celebrate my mother's rare (tomorrow) birthday.  I am not there because H and I could not justify spending $1,500 on the trip right now.  Not even for my mother.  

    My mom is not upset at me.  
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    StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
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    How much is too much?  Exactly $1 more than you're willing to pay for whatever it is you're being asked to buy.

    Seriously, if this is not in your budget, just say so.  It doesn't matter whether the price of the trip is "reasonable" or "expensive" in anyone else's opinion, all that matters is if it's something that's in your and your H's personal budget.  From your post (which I can now finally see!) it sounds like this absolutely is not in your budget.  Don't feel bad about that.  Any bride who plans a DW knows (or should know) that she's going to sacrifice guests to have her "perfect" location, and if she tries to give you a hard time about it, she's not a very good friend, IMHO.
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    If she shuts you out of the rest of the engagement and never speaks to you again because she decided how much you would spend, and you can't, why is that a loss to you?

    I understand she has been a friend, but she all of a sudden doesn't seem to care about your budget or needs.  She only seems to care that you validate her crazy expensive idea.

    Please DO NOT spend that kind of money when you have already identified that it is too much.  Especially when your husband isn't even included in that price.
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    That's a lot of money.  If you can't afford it you can't afford it.  Just tell her that you're sorry but you won't be able to be there. 



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    rebarobert2012rebarobert2012
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    It does seem expensive, and if this is beyond your budget, I don't think you should feel pressured to spend that amount.  Just tell her that you are very sorry, but you won't be able to attend.  If she is a true friend, she will understand.

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    geierangeieran
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    I mostly agree with PPs. Although it sounds crazy expensive to me, it really depends on what is too expensive to you. Your friend is not being a very good "friend" to you right now. Is it normal behavior for her to completely disregard your concerns? Whatever the answer to that question is, your responsibility is to your family and being required to spend an outrageous amount of money from the family budget is not fair. Especially when she won't even listen to you. If I were you and that amount of money was beyond my budget, I would just tell her that my family would suffer and I couldn't do it. I would let her know that you really dislike having to make that decision, but remind her that you must consider your husband and/or children if you have any.
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