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Calling someone out.. Was I wrong?

KendallR10KendallR10 member
First Comment
in Military Brides
I called someone out on what they said about their "wedding." Was I wrong?

Her: So ok, my husband and I have been married since April 16th of 2010, but our *wedding* wasn't until October 15th, 2010 when we could have our family be a part of it.

I commented: It was a vow renewal not a "Wedding."

So then she sent me this message "Honey, if you feel my wedding was a different day then I do, you can kindly keep it to yourself. We are going to have to agree to disagree on that subject."

So I sent back "Its not a wedding its a vow renewal. If you got married at the JOP that was your wedding. How do you think some one who JOPed and thats all they did would feel if you told them that wasn't a real wedding?" 

Was that horrible of me?
Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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Re: Calling someone out.. Was I wrong?

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    LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It wasn't horrible of you but some people really don't see the difference. Some people will never agree with the whole one wedding day thing. All you can do is express you opinion and move on. Thats what it looks like you did. Just know you probably won't change her opinion. :-)
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    LOLwaysLOLways
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree... some people will have it so justified in their minds, that whatever you say doesn't matter. But I would've pointed it out just as you did.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Where did you do that?
    I hate Dave Ramsey
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    prettyirishgirlprettyirishgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think your perfectly in the right saying that, but like the others said some people are just no't going to see it the same way.

    (note these aren't my personal feelings but i've heard the argument and understand it. So don't eat me alive - hides behind desk)

    But in her defence and anyone who does feel this way a JOP doesn't always have a minister and can be performed by a judge (please correct me if I am wrong), Because of this some people will see a JOP as a Civil Union not as a marriage. They believe that their wedding or marriage is when a preist of minister does the honors.

    Personally, I feel like regardless of any of it you don't need a piece of paper to say your in love so its all the same to me. JOP, church, both together, none at all. I feel like it's something that is just witnessed by others and it doesn't matter who presides over it - whether its a family friend, judge, priest, etc. If there is a mutual concensus between the two parties involved then thats all i feel is needed, but I know many, including family, who don't beleive that's the case. And even within that I know people that wont accept just one or the other for themselves but respect other people's beliefs. It isn't right one way or the other, however, to call one real and another not and with that same hand it is ultimatly up to each person to determin if they beleive something is a vow renewal if they havent taken religious vows yet - regardless of the technical definition.
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    KendallR10KendallR10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_calling-someone-out-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:f467f699-4032-4a72-8fc4-91e5de03f9fePost:e35ef006-c5e5-4906-be01-17d37ffe1c72">Re: Calling someone out.. Was I wrong?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Where did you do that?
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]
    PW
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I totally get when someone wants a "religious wedding" and can see the two events as two separate entities - the legal wedding and the religious wedding.  But for people like me who aren't religious and would just want that 'big white wedding day', complete with dress, cake, and pomp & circumstance, I find it frustrating that their priorities are so skewed. But you're not going to change her mind... I end up feeling like I'm banging my head against a desk with those types of people.  I think the thing that GGirl posted a few days ago from Miss Manners or whatever was the best summary I've seen - it's just sad that the legal event of getting married is considered trivial while 'real wedding' has come to mean something ostentacious and fake.

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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't know what PW is. If it's a message board, then, no, I don't think you were wrong. But I do think you would do well to remember that you were considering this. Think about what aproach worked best for you to change your mind.
    I hate Dave Ramsey
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    KendallR10KendallR10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_calling-someone-out-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:f467f699-4032-4a72-8fc4-91e5de03f9fePost:88cbf0a3-c3d2-4a10-b6d4-485cc8fbd750">Re: Calling someone out.. Was I wrong?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know what PW is. If it's a message board, then, no, I don't think you were wrong. But I do think you would do well to remember that you were considering this. Think about what aproach worked best for you to change your mind.
    Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]
    Project wedding
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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    DaKelliAB09DaKelliAB09
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    WOW so I didn't realize this type of an issue came up a lot!!  I can see how you all get annoyed! LOL 
    I don't think you're in the wrong at all... you were honest and not rude and it is what it is. She/ They can call it whatever they want to but it's not a wedding... they're already wed!  People are funny...   Sometimes you just have to laugh or it'll just drive you insane. 
    I think being honest is the biggest thing.  If you have to keep it a secret then why do it?  And weddings come in all different sizes, colors, themes .  Everybody is different so if someone prefers JOPing ,  or a small backyard wedding, eloping to Vegas, or a huge fancy wedding then they're all awesome and they are ALL Weddings and all are special.  We are having a big wedding because that's what we want, but it's kind of hurtful I would imagine to those who JOP and hear of others who JOP and then keep it a secret and say it's not a "real" wedding....  I say if it's not a real wedding to you then don't do it. 
    anyways... that's just my view on it!
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    DaKelliAB09DaKelliAB09
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    btw!! I wasn't saying you were annoying for writing this but people JOPing (I don't even know if that's proper grammar lol)  and then pretty much saying it's not a real wedding... that's what I was saying was annoying!  Just so there's no confusion!! ;)
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    KendallR10KendallR10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I seriously want to ask her. Did your "wedding" make you anymore wedding than before?
    Military Brides December 2011 Siggy. Holiday picture with your SO. We suck and don't have one :/ Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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    LOLwaysLOLways
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_calling-someone-out-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:f467f699-4032-4a72-8fc4-91e5de03f9fePost:491068cf-ca4f-4147-a11c-9729de83267a">Re: Calling someone out.. Was I wrong?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I seriously want to ask her. Did your "wedding" make you anymore wedding than before?
    Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ugh. I agree, it is a sad sign that what is more important to some people is the puffy white princess day with a big cake and sparkles. I blame our culture/society and TV for glamorizing the wedding DAY and not the marriage. Maybe the divorce rates would be lower and there would be happier marriages out there if there was a focus on the lifetime you are preparing for as a couple, and less about "saying yes to the dress."</div>
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    LOLwaysLOLways
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ...And I'm saying that as the moron who posted an earlier thread whining about my dress. So I guess we're all human.

    I didn't go look at more dresses this weekend, I decided I can take the advice to accessorize it whatever way and just wear the dress. It's one damn day.
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