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Need some advice talking to my MOH

kaybee1987kaybee1987
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in Moms and Maids
Hi there everyone -- I'm pretty quiet on most boards, except my Month/Year board, so I apologize for not giving myself an introduction first (I know a lot of boards prefer introductions before posts).

I asked my oldest friend to be my MOH.  She wasn't sure if she'd be in the country, as she is currently teaching English in Japan, but she happily accepted with the stipulation that she would be stateside.  

Our moms are friends, and her mom apparently mentioned that she (my friend) is planning on renewing her teaching contract to stay for another year or two.  The most she told me is that she will be home in August, but wasn't sure yet about next May, when we will be getting married.  

I know I've got some time yet before I really need to be concerned... but I would like a solid statement from her either way sometime in the next few months (for sure by September).  I suppose I would just like some advice about how to say that I do need to know what her plans are, and that even if she can't make it, it will be fine.

Thanks in advance for your advice!
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Re: Need some advice talking to my MOH

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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You really don't need to know until the wedding itself - if she can't make it she's a MOH in absentia.  You should not be replacing her.



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    gaiajuliacaesargaiajuliacaesar member
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    You don't need to completely replace her but you can add another BM or something if you want to keep numbers the same.  I had a similiar situation only I was the BM.  My friend asked me to be in her wedding (She may have asked me to be her MOH, I don't remember) but at the time I was up for the job opportunity of a lifetime and wouldn't have been in the state if I got the job.  ((My job is very unsteady but such is the nature of CRM Archaeology.))  I was completely up front and civil about it and we agreed that I shouldn't be counted on, but in her heart I was one.  It ended up working out because about 3 months before her wedding one of her bridesmaids was still in the fight for some settlement money and it really didn't look like she was going to make it.  My friend called me up (I didn't get the job *Insert utter sadness here*) and asked if I could play the part.  I did and super rushed my dress and we all had a very good time.  I would just be up front in your concern with her and because you love her so much, do make her a MOH/BM in absentia in the program or something.  You're perfectly legit in your concern, but some people do need to have the details in order ahead of time.  That doesn't make you a bridezilla or anything.  Just call her (if you can't speak wth her in person) and tell her exactly your concern.  Even if at first it seems like she is a little hurt or she is a little hurt, talk it out and let her be a part of the decision.  Sometimes being up front (even with a little hurt) will get you better results in the long run.
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    kaybee1987kaybee1987
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    Thanks, ladies!  I haven't heard of the "in absentia" thing, but I am so glad you mentioned it!  I would never dream of replacing her, so I love that I will be able to mention her.  
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