Would you be mad???

meganc182 · August 2010

My MOH just told me she couldn't afford my wedding.....my wedding is 3 WEEKS away!! Her dress is paid for and sitting at the alterations place waiting to be picked up with a $50 balance for the alterations (She had it altered to FINGERTIP length w/o consulting with me). She paid for 1 night of her 2 night stay ($100) and it'll be about $80 for gas....food is covered! She has had a year warning for ALL of this! It is now too late for me to take her and her BF off the reception list($200) and her flowers($75) have been ordered! Let me also add she didn't even come to my bachelorette party which I had us a FREE place to stay at the beach! So would u be mad???

skippylouwho · August 2010

So exactly what are her remaining expenses?

$50 for dress
$80 for gas

Does she still owe on her hotel room?

If it's important to have her, and I'd think she's very important to you if you chose her as MOH - can you pay the rest of her expenses?

jagore08 · August 2010

I would be upset, not mad but finances change. How did this conversation go between the two of you? Is it possible for you to pay for her? If you really want her there and it's in your budget, then offer to help her out. Don't be mad. Sometimes things happen.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

I find it very hard to believe that you can't cancel her bouquet and remove them from the head count with three weeks to go. Three days, maybe. I've booked a couple of events in different places, and the catering deadline was usually anywhere from 3-8 days out. I'm guessing you're just assuming that it's too late rather than actually talking to your vendors. And the fact that she didn't attend her bachelorette party, especially when it sounds like she would have had to travel for it, is completely and utterly irrelevant.

My MOH couldn't tell me until three days before the wedding if she'd be there or not. Yeah, it was stressful, and I ended up paying her gas money, one night of hotel, and fronting money for her dress to get her there. I told her that it didn't matter what had to happen, I wanted her up there with me. I would have driven her there and had her wear pajamas to the wedding if necessary, without hesitation.

For someone who's supposed to be your closest friend in the whole world, it sounds like you've given up on her awfully quickly.

jagore08 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:615f35fb-99ec-4f79-88f7-9ab1aaa0d308Post:2f84a515-9aab-4d27-94d4-b9e22694fc60">Would you be mad???</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH just told me she couldn't afford my wedding.....my wedding is 3 WEEKS away!! Her dress is paid for and sitting at the alterations place waiting to be picked up with a $50 balance for the alterations (She had it altered to FINGERTIP length w/o consulting with me). She paid for 1 night of her 2 night stay ($100) and it'll be about $80 for gas....food is covered! She has had a year warning for ALL of this! It is now too late for me to take her and her BF off the reception list($200) and her flowers($75) have been ordered! Let me also add she didn't even come to my bachelorette party which I had us a FREE place to stay at the beach! So would u be mad???
Posted by meganc182[/QUOTE]

JmeLee2011 · August 2010

I would be a little upset, to say the least, 3 weeks thats stressful. If you really want her there then maybe you can find some way to come up with the money for her. If your budget is very tight also, see if she can car pool with someone, split gas a few ways. Then MAYBE offer to pick up her alterations tab. Or your parents and you can pool 25.00 each for the dress. Or all the BP pitch 5 bucks and get the dress paid for. Last of all the hotel, maybe she can shack up with a friend or two on a cot and only have to pay a 20 dollars or something. Surly there has to be some way to get here there. I know your frustrated but if you really want her there, I'd try all the options. Or if you don't feel like you have to do any of this, try talking to the vendors and explain the MOH backed out putting you in a tight spot on flowers and food. Maybe she had a few last minute expenses come up, life happens..HOPE YOU GUYS WORK IT OUT!! Remember to focus on the positive, your about to marry your best friend and lover.

MairePoppy · August 2010

This is your best friend you're talking about, right? It's okay to be disappointed and upset, but don't express that to her. Give her the benefit of the doubt. If she says she is having financial problems, you have to take her at her word. That's not exactly the easiest thing to admit.

If there is any way you can help her out with her dress and place to stay, you should offer to help. Otherwise, accept it graciously. Let her know you will miss her on your special day, but you understand. After your wedding is over, you'll still have your best friend.

Kristin789 · August 2010

Like the PPs said,
you CAN take her and her BF off the reception list.
If you have already turned in a number to the venue, that number is considered a SOFT NUMBER.
The HARD NUMBER, after which you DO have to pay for any reservations, come in about 4 to 7 days prior to the event.

And you CAN cancel her flowers because her flowers have not been created THREE WEEKS in advance.

I think your MOH just isn't that into you and she got a more interesting offer for your wedding weekend, like her new boyfriend wants to take her away or something, so she's dumping you. That's mean, but clearly she has already made her decision.

tldh · August 2010

So rather than shell out $230 to help out the woman who is supposed to be your best friend, you are going to kick her out of the wedding. Really??

SugarBrideOct10 · August 2010

Yes I would be mad!!! What is wrong with this girl? And I didnt even know fingertip was a length!! Why does she want to look like she is at a club at your wedding? I agree with the pp, sounds like she is 'just not that into you'. I know if any of my BM's had a problem like this, they would be asking me for help, or asking for suggestions on how they can make it to the wedding. Not just, well, I dont have $100 so I can come, sorry!

I would be mad. That being said, I would just offer to pay for all her remaining balances and see if she can still come then, or if she makes up more excues.

[Deleted User] · August 2010

Sounds like she is flaking on you. You need to have a serious convo with her.

MairePoppy · August 2010

So you would assume her best friend is just blowing off her wedding because she found something better to do? I suppose it's possible. But it's also possible that she may have had unexpected medical or repair bills, a pay cut or the being in the wedding may have cost more than she expected. Then how would the bride feel if she had dumped her friend?

suz62984 · August 2010

Check your contract and ask the vendors to cancel the plates and flowers. I also find it very hard to believe that you can't cancel it now. The longest lead time i've heard of is two weeks prior.

If you can't change it then pay for her remaining expenses. $230? If you really want her there then it is worth it. She only paid for one hotel night. She can just come for the wedding and stay one night. All you would pay, or she, is $130.

I would be upset too but you just have to know that finances change quickly. Have you asked her if everything is ok? This sudden financial change could be something very serious...and not in a good way.

sarah42nd · August 2010

Maybe she can afford to go to the wedding but not take the time off work? I mean missing two or three days of work is alot of money she could need to pay her bills. Then on top of that having to pay the extra $230 for hotel and a dress. That does suck that she gave you such short notice. Maybe offer to pay the $230 and sit down and talk to her and see if thats the real reason she can not come.

melissamc2 · August 2010

I think there's more to this than just money.

meganc182 · August 2010

Well she bailed on me today via text....I can't even get her to answer her phone & talk to me about any of this....it's like she already made up her mind....this whole year she hasn't felt very into it....& since my fiance & I are paying for this whole wedding there is no way I have the extra cash to give her. I just feel like 3 weeks is a little short of a notice...none of the expenses were a suprise.
BTW my reception venue said you can only add guests you can not deduct once your wedding is a month away...so yes I still have to pay for her & her BF. I do believe the florist should let me deduct her flowers.
Finally...if you are supposed to be a MOH...you should probably make yourself available to talk on the phone at some point....she text me she was having $ problems and then never answered my calls, texts or fb posts until my FI sent her a message letting her know how important it was to call me back asap. I've seen her maybe 3-4 times this year...she has been MIA....I think I have every reason to be upset.
Weddings really make you realize who really cares about you when it matters most.

MairePoppy · August 2010

I'm sorry your friend let you down. If she won't even talk to you, there's no way to work out the $ situation, even if you could help her out.

Don't let this ruin your day.You can still have a wonderful wedding without her. Best wishes.

lisab613 · August 2010

i'd be really mad. you're right, she had to know these expenses were coming and she had a right to tell you before now.
but, like PP said, there's not much you can do if she won't even talk to you. don't let it ruin your day. this woman clearly has not made you a priority in her life, don't give her a place of importance in yours.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

It sounds like there's something else going on here. Leave your wedding out of it and try to find out what's wrong with your friend. And I think that it's quite presumptuous to say, "Well, she knew that she'd have to be spending this money." Maybe she just lost her job, or got a bad medical diagnosis, or totaled her car, or found out someone in her family died, or some other unexpected misfortune.

Personally, if I were in your shoes I'd be much more worried that my friend was trying to avoid me than that I'd have to be paying for a couple of uneaten meals. But then again, I like my friends, and I knew that they mattered more than a four-hour party.

gingerscript · August 2010

You should be mad, but you should be relieved. She obviously wasnt' your best choice for MOH.
Don't make the mistake by chosing another bridesmaid as MOH. This will splinter them at this point. Reinforce how lucky you are that your bridesmaids are there for you.
After the wedding, have a talk with the MOH. Find out what happened. There is another reason beside finances that she is bailing on you.
Don't dwell these things happen for a reason.

Would you be mad???

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