Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Second Weddings
Second Weddings
New Discussion
Options

Her second marriage..shower question.

barakunabarakuna
First Comment
in Second Weddings

We are recently engaged, and decided on a destination wedding in Negril for immediate family members, if they decide to go, and 1 or 2 close friends, also if they decide to go. Do not want to send out invitations because we do not want to put financial strain on anyone, and she has stated to me she has already had a big wedding, and does not want that again. So far, my family of 4  have booked, and 2 close friends. It is her second marriage, first one for me. No big ceremony, just exchange of vows on the cliffs, then some music and drinks, then dinner. How do we go about doing an engagement party and shower since we did not send out wedding invitations, but we would like to celebrate OUR engagement and OUR  FIRST living expeience together..Someone has already approached me in saying they want to throw her a shower. She just has to ask my fiance if it is ok. As for the engagement party, we do not want anythiing, just for our friends and family to celebrate.  A shower witha very small registry would be nice in my opinion because my fiance and I do not have anything of our own as a couple yet. She has her stuff, and I have my stuff. Just need some advice. She said she can go either way, and so could I, but I have never had experience with this, and I would never want to take anything away any moments from her..So should we do both, just one, or none..Thanks..

Report Reply to Post

Re: Her second marriage..shower question.

  • Options
    blush64blush64 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A shower would be thrown by someone other than the couple getting married and only those invited to the wedding would be invited to the shower. Even if someone offers to throw it, only those invited to the wedding would be invited.  I believe the same sort of thing goes for the engagement party.


    Report Reply
  • Options
    barakunabarakuna
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We only invited our immediate family and 2 close friends...
    The one who wants to throw the shower is coming to the wedding, she is from my side, actually she is my best friend and has became close with my fiance.
    From what I read, it would not be right to invite her side of the family that have attended her previous shower? So if 16 people are invited to our destination wedding, and 10 come, then only the woman attending the wedding should be invited for her shower?  That would be like 5-6 people..And I am almost more than definite that my fiance would like to have her other girlfriends there...
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ginadogginadog member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes, that is what etiquitte says - all wedding related events must be confined to your wedding guests only.

    What about a Jack and Jill shower?  Men and women attend.

    If no one has offered to throw an engagement party, then you aren't supposed to throw one yourselves.

    Since no one has offered one for us, we're going to have a housewarming party once my house has officially sold and we have our new house looking presentable.  We're just going to call it a housewarming party. 
    http://ginadog.weebly.com
    Report Reply
  • Options
    lindaloulubbocklindaloulubbock
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    One of my best friends had a destination wedding.  We were not invited to the wedding, but there was NO WAY we weren't having a shower for her.  It was small and tasteful--10 women (a few family members and our group of girlfriends).  We surprised her, she loved it.  

    I think a shower thrown by a close friend, only inviting close friends and family would be lovely.  I wouldn't go overboard inviting 47 people.  My 2nd wedding shower was thrown by my future MIL and two SILs.  My two oldest and dearest friends were invited to the shower (and came) even though they were at the first.  I was horrified when I found out they were invited, but they both would have been upset to not be invited.  They were invited to our wedding, but I think they would have felt the same way if we had had a destination wedding and weren't invited.

    I think a lot of this depends on your family and your friends and specifics of the situation.  As a second time bride, I would not have chosen to have a shower if I had been asked.  

    Report Reply
  • Options
    barakunabarakuna
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone...Well it is decided...No shower.I feel bad after she told me last night she feels as if she does not deserve one since she had one already? I could of almost cried..I told her never feel like that, but it is your wedding, your the bride, your choice..She so definitely deserves one!!!So just having an engagement party of about 40 people..Going to look at the place tonight.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    shellyamfshellyamf
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_her-second-marriageshower-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:6a018668-281c-4e77-9bd0-5b35499ea22ePost:7ac4fe37-d4cf-4b12-9b82-09bf4072e18f">Re: Her second marriage..shower question.</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my best friends had a destination wedding.  We were not invited to the wedding, but there was NO WAY we weren't having a shower for her.  It was small and tasteful--10 women (a few family members and our group of girlfriends).  We surprised her, she loved it.   I think a shower thrown by a close friend, only inviting close friends and family would be lovely.  I wouldn't go overboard inviting 47 people.  My 2nd wedding shower was thrown by my future MIL and two SILs.  My two oldest and dearest friends were invited to the shower (and came) even though they were at the first.  I was horrified when I found out they were invited, but they both would have been upset to not be invited.  They were invited to our wedding, but I think they would have felt the same way if we had had a destination wedding and weren't invited. I think a lot of this depends on your family and your friends and specifics of the situation.  As a second time bride, I would not have chosen to have a shower if I had been asked.  
    Posted by lindaloulubbock[/QUOTE]

    I am a second time bride and my sister really wanted to throw me a shower.  Originally I said no but she kept bugging me.  So I decided a small get-together similar to what was described above would be okay.   I told her I didn't want her going over-board.  We are also doing a destination wedding with only close family and friends.  I haven't been privy to all of the planning information, so it'll be a nice surprise.  I know she was planning to invite those invited to the wedding and some other family who can't make it.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    freebread03freebread03 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm still kind of confused by your post.  Are you throwing your own engagement party or is a friend/family member throwing it for you?  I'm sure you're also only inviting people that were invited to the actual wedding too, correct?

    I see nothing wrong with celebrating by having a wedding with your family and friends, regardless of 1st or 2nd marriage status.  I might side-eye another shower if I'd given a gift for the shower at the first marriage though...
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Gails1962Gails1962
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My daughter just got married for the second time in Jamaica.  I threw her a bridal shower and invited all her friends and mine.  Not all of them could go to Jamaica for the wedding and we didnt expect them to.  No one had a problem with coming to a shower that they were not going to the wedding for. 

    She was so blessed with so many gifts from her registry and we had a blast!!!!  She is still a young bride (30) and her friends are of her same age, and my friends some close to 40 and 50 all had a great time. Its ok to do anything you want to do.  I would just have one party, if you want to have an engagement party also, then make a note on invitation its a celebration and please no gifts
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards