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NWR: No one understands Mental Illness

My mom is a psych patient.  She was fine when I was a kid, but since I was a teen she has been very unstable, can't find a medication combo that works, etc.  Well the last few weeks she has been depressed and hallucinating, almost catatonic at times.  My dad and my mom's psychiatrist were adjusting her meds and trying to stabilize her at home without her going to the hospital.  Well yesterday my mom overdosed on her psych meds (either because she was trying to get better faster or because the voices in her head told her too).  She is now in the icu getting medically stabilized before they figure out what the next step is for her, probably inpatient psych.

In real life I only told a few close friends yesterday what had happened.  I was so annoyed when I told a few friends what had happened and their first response was "well maybe your mom needs more education on how to take her meds"  or "maybe your mom needs to learn which meds not to take at the same time as other meds."  People just don't seem to understand that my mother was mentally not responsible for her own actions.  That no amount of explaining things to her would have prevented what happened. 
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Re: NWR: No one understands Mental Illness

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    I think this is just one of those cases of people not really knowing WHAT to say, so they end up saying something really insensitive instead (without meaning to).   Most of us have little to no first-hand experience with mental illness, so yeah, we really DON'T understand.   I know that sucks for you.  But realize that these people probaby aren't trying to be insensitive, they just don't know any better.  I know that doesn't make it any less hurtful though.

    (p.s.  I lost my first husband to suicide 5 years ago, so I understand stupid/hurtful/insensitive/uneducated comments...my favorite? "It was God's plan."  Really?  God planned for my husband to blow his brains out?  Thanks....)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-no-one-understands-mental-illness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cf83ad66-4972-4c3f-9e25-f9c9d591310aPost:fc9b4d8c-1bb8-4c08-818f-99f3a449460a">Re: NWR: No one understands Mental Illness</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think this is just one of those cases of people not really knowing WHAT to say, so they end up saying something really insensitive instead (without meaning to).   Most of us have little to no first-hand experience with mental illness, so yeah, we really DON'T understand.   I know that sucks for you.  But realize that these people probaby aren't trying to be insensitive, they just don't know any better.  I know that doesn't make it any less hurtful though. (p.s.  I lost my first husband to suicide 5 years ago, so I understand stupid/hurtful/insensitive/uneducated comments...my favorite? "It was God's plan."  Really?  God planned for my husband to blow his brains out?  Thanks....)
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    Avion,  I know you are probably right.  I might be over reacting.  I have learned over the years to be selective about who I tell about my mom as many people just don't seem to understand.  Another friend just didn't know what to say when he asked if it was an intentional overdose and I told him I wasn't sure but that was possible.

    I am so sorry to hear what you went through with your first husband.  I can't even imagine going through that.  We have been lucky that my mom has only tried to harm herself with overdosing on pills, and we normally figure out what happened quick enough to get her to the hospital before there has been anything serious result. 
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    I'm sorry that you and your family have to go through this. It's tough when someone you love has a mental illness and you can't help them. No one really knows what to say to you, so you're likely to hear some pretty crappy stuff. Sorry!

    One of my cousins was diagnosed years before anyone in the family knew - her parents were embarrassed by it, and kept it hidden. I found out because she ended up in hospital the week of my (first) wedding, and she was a bridesmaid. I visited her, brought her some magazines and snacks, and it was like old times. She was grateful to finally be able to talk about it.

    Since then, I've always been there for her. She's had some good times and some really bad times, and has a hard time getting her meds regulated as well.

    You're right though, people don't understand and are usually afraid. All I can do is offer you my thoughts and support from WAY across the internet.

    And wow Avion, so sorry for the loss of your husband. I can't even imagine what it must have been (and still is) like to lose someone like that.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-no-one-understands-mental-illness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cf83ad66-4972-4c3f-9e25-f9c9d591310aPost:169dd91e-a05e-474e-bae8-03218818841f">Re: NWR: No one understands Mental Illness</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry that you and your family have to go through this. It's tough when someone you love has a mental illness and you can't help them. No one really knows what to say to you, so you're likely to hear some pretty crappy stuff. Sorry! One of my cousins was diagnosed years before anyone in the family knew - her parents were embarrassed by it, and kept it hidden. I found out because she ended up in hospital the week of my (first) wedding, and she was a bridesmaid. I visited her, brought her some magazines and snacks, and it was like old times. She was grateful to finally be able to talk about it. Since then, I've always been there for her. She's had some good times and some really bad times, and has a hard time getting her meds regulated as well. You're right though, people don't understand and are usually afraid. All I can do is offer you my thoughts and support from WAY across the internet. And wow Avion, so sorry for the loss of your husband. I can't even imagine what it must have been (and still is) like to lose someone like that.
    Posted by jennylee813[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Thanks for your kind words.  It sucked.  But was it harder than caring for someone through a lifetime of mental illness?  Probably not.   I mean, life was pretty crappy for a few years, but I've been able to move past it, move across the country, then to a different country, fall in love again, and re-marry the most amazing man.  I don't even see the people who made the hurtful comments anymore.   Caring for someone else for years and years isn't something you can "move past" while you are still caring for them.  And you can't as easily escape the dumb comments...

    </div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-no-one-understands-mental-illness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cf83ad66-4972-4c3f-9e25-f9c9d591310aPost:169dd91e-a05e-474e-bae8-03218818841f">Re: NWR: No one understands Mental Illness</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry that you and your family have to go through this. It's tough when someone you love has a mental illness and you can't help them. No one really knows what to say to you, so you're likely to hear some pretty crappy stuff. Sorry! One of my cousins was diagnosed years before anyone in the family knew - her parents were embarrassed by it, and kept it hidden. I found out because she ended up in hospital the week of my (first) wedding, and she was a bridesmaid. I visited her, brought her some magazines and snacks, and it was like old times. She was grateful to finally be able to talk about it. Since then, I've always been there for her. She's had some good times and some really bad times, and has a hard time getting her meds regulated as well. You're right though, people don't understand and are usually afraid. All I can do is offer you my thoughts and support from WAY across the internet. And wow Avion, so sorry for the loss of your husband. I can't even imagine what it must have been (and still is) like to lose someone like that.
    Posted by jennylee813[/QUOTE]

    Yeah for the longest time I didn't tell people.  Not because I was embarrassed but because I was worried about the stigma and worried people wouldn't really understand.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-no-one-understands-mental-illness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cf83ad66-4972-4c3f-9e25-f9c9d591310aPost:c27e311e-8c11-40d3-8141-66fa3e6bc30b">Re:NWR: No one understands Mental Illness</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, I'm betting they were trying to be supportive and just had no idea what to say. We have a student who's mom is going though a suicidal depression at the moment and I have watched some of the sweetest, kindest people say some of the most horrifyingly insensitive things to him without meaning them in the way they came across. I am very sorry to hear about your mom, and I hope that they figure out the best way to care for her. Have you thought about looking into a support group for family members of psychotic illnesses? Being able to share your pain and stress with others who are going through similar things and DO have some understanding about what it is like can make a huge difference.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I am aware of support groups, but have never really looked into it. Me and my family have gotten so used to dealing alone without outside help
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    I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I've been in this battle for 7 years with my daughter.  Some times are good, other times not so much.  The best thing for you and your family is to find a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) affiliate in your area.  They teach, advocate and are a wonderful support for family and friends of people with mental illness.  They are trying to break down the stigma of an illness that affects 1 in 4 families. This non-profit group is run by people who have gone through exactly what you are.  While I am not actively involved with them now I know they are there if I need them.  PM me if you need any additional information.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-no-one-understands-mental-illness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cf83ad66-4972-4c3f-9e25-f9c9d591310aPost:534a57f4-99fa-4813-b66b-9e25abdfcac8">Re: NWR: No one understands Mental Illness</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I've been in this battle for 7 years with my daughter.  Some times are good, other times not so much.  The best thing for you and your family is to find a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) affiliate in your area.  They teach, advocate and are a wonderful support for family and friends of people with mental illness.  They are trying to break down the stigma of an illness that affects 1 in 4 families. This non-profit group is run by people who have gone through exactly what you are.  While I am not actively involved with them now I know they are there if I need them.  PM me if you need any additional information.
    Posted by Swaptac[/QUOTE]
    Swaptac, sorry to hear what you are going through with your daughter.  I live 500 miles away from my folks, but since I am a nurse they frequently call me for advice and I try to give them advice from afar.  I believe my folks are familar with the local NAMI and the local mental health resources in Ohio, but my dad is a very private person who does not want outside help.  My dad does everything to care for my mom while working full-time, with no help from anyone except her psychiatrist, and my grandma who has moved in with them to help with my mom. 
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    I'm so sorry you're going through this. Thankfully, some of the stigma about anti-depressants and anti-psychotics is starting to go away, but there are still quite a few people out there who just don't get it. It doesn't help that people use words like "psycho" and "bipolar" to make fun of an emotional person.

    Is there any way to keep her medicine stored somewhere safe? Maybe a locked cabinet, your grandmother's dresser drawer, or somewhere else your mother wouldn't look?

    I know it's probably very important to her to remain independent and not feel like a child, so I understand how sensitive this conversation can be.
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    My dad will probably end up finding someplace new to keep and hide her meds that he won't tell mom about. She had overdosed 12 years ago, and after that instance we kept her meds hidden for the longest time
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    Christine I am so sorry you have felt the need to be so secretive. And to deal with the ignorance of those that haven't suffered through first hand knowledge. Different times in my life I have had friends or loved ones suffer through diagnosis of different types - most recently a 2nd cousin ended his life. I am a huge supporter of NAMI and local support networks - if for no other reason, it helps cushion that sharp edge of aloneness.
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    Oh honey...I'm sorry to hear that. My mother has anxiety and depression and tries to self-medicate, I had an uncle who od'ed on his psych meds, and my fiance's mother commited suicide despite being on meds for many years. 
    From my experience, people don't know what to say and end up putting their foot in their mouth. Unless they have had to experience something like that, they don't know how to respond. 
    Don't take it personal.
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    Christine, I posted here several months ago about my sister, who has a very long-term battle with mental illness that has gotten worse in the past three years. She overdosed and had to go to the hospital just a couple of months ago, though that was only the most recent hospital visit. My sister is my best friend, and her mental illness was starting to take a huge toll on me. It took a couple of Knotties to convince me that checking out a support group was a good idea. It made a HUGE difference for me, and I only went to a few sessions.

    I'm lucky enough to work in the pharmacy where my sister gets her meds, so everyone there knows what's going on with her and is really understanding when I need to talk about it. Having someone to talk to who has gone through having a mentally ill family member or at least who has a good understanding of mental illness is extremely helpful.

    I know we don't "know" each other, but feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk or vent or whatever. Seriously, don't hesitate!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-no-one-understands-mental-illness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cf83ad66-4972-4c3f-9e25-f9c9d591310aPost:1452b7b9-210e-4771-9441-27e1239e9ec7">Re: NWR: No one understands Mental Illness</a>:
    [QUOTE]Christine, I posted here several months ago about my sister, who has a very long-term battle with mental illness that has gotten worse in the past three years. She overdosed and had to go to the hospital just a couple of months ago, though that was only the most recent hospital visit. My sister is my best friend, and her mental illness was starting to take a huge toll on me. It took a couple of Knotties to convince me that checking out a support group was a good idea. It made a HUGE difference for me, and I only went to a few sessions. I'm lucky enough to work in the pharmacy where my sister gets her meds, so everyone there knows what's going on with her and is really understanding when I need to talk about it. Having someone to talk to who has gone through having a mentally ill family member or at least who has a good understanding of mental illness is extremely helpful. I know we don't "know" each other, but feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk or vent or whatever. Seriously, don't hesitate!
    Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]
    Ali,
       Thanks for your support.  I might consider checking out a support group, although it would honestly be more helpful for my dad, but I know he would never get involved in something like that.  I might suggest it to my sister though.  My sis is younger and has been through a lot.  The first time my mom overdosed on a bottle of pills she took the whole bottle in front of my sister.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-no-one-understands-mental-illness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cf83ad66-4972-4c3f-9e25-f9c9d591310aPost:2e6c868a-7279-4856-a4b0-2ec71900d601">NWR: No one understands Mental Illness</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mom is a psych patient.  She was fine when I was a kid, but since I was a teen she has been very unstable, can't find a medication combo that works, etc.  Well the last few weeks she has been depressed and hallucinating, almost catatonic at times.  My dad and my mom's psychiatrist were adjusting her meds and trying to stabilize her at home without her going to the hospital.  Well yesterday my mom overdosed on her psych meds (either because she was trying to get better faster or because the voices in her head told her too).  She is now in the icu getting medically stabilized before they figure out what the next step is for her, probably inpatient psych. In real life I only told a few close friends yesterday what had happened.  I was so annoyed when I told a few friends what had happened and their first response was "well maybe your mom needs more education on how to take her meds"  or "maybe your mom needs to learn which meds not to take at the same time as other meds."  People just don't seem to understand that my mother was mentally not responsible for her own actions.  That no amount of explaining things to her would have prevented what happened. 
    Posted by ChristineNB[/QUOTE]

    <div>Im sorry you are having to go through that and I'm sorry its taking a while for you mom to get stabalized on her medications.  I am a social worker who has lots of patients on psychotropic medications so I understand...but I agree with most and think they just didn't know what to say.  Talking to your dad might be the best person to talk to or even talking with her social worker or even her therapist might help.</div><div>
    </div><div>And hey, you can always message me if you need to vent!</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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