How do we feel about a wedding party table at the reception?

Re: How do we feel about a wedding party table at the reception?

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  jolla92126 member

  

  December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_feel-wedding-party-table-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:44f70240-b0e7-47a5-a921-9ee50a0236efPost:7fbb5683-286b-4abe-a15b-900c9e238819">How do we feel about a wedding party table at the reception?</a>:
  [QUOTE]I want just my wedding party and ourselves at the head table. I know some people think it's rude to split up the party and their dates but... I kind of don't care. I've seen it many times done the way I want, and I thought it was totally normal, but I want to know the general public's opinion on this.
  Posted by whitandrior[/QUOTE]
  
  My opinion is that it is tacky and low class.

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  abcflower member

  

  December 2011

  Oh, by the way, etiquette is not social law - laws are rules of conduct that are binding or enforcable by an authority. There is no 'etiquette police', you are not arrested or fined if you have a head table. It is falsely appealing to the authority of the law to claim that etiquette is 'social law'.
  
  There are social norms, which is what etiquette is, but it is only enforcable through social means - by people applying social pressure, such as friends encouraging friends towards a practice or by a bunch of strangers on the internet pressuring someone against something.
  
  Social norms should always be weighed against local custom, as they have equal value. So what if 'etiquette' says one thing? Local custom may dicate another, and they have equal sway socially. 
  
  I am saying this as someone who is not having a head table. I just dislike watching people bully others under the sway of etiqette as a 'social law'. Biggest load of hog wash I've read all week.

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  banana468 member

  

  December 2011

  Abc, I think you're sadly mistaken.  Etiquette is NOT just social custom.  Perhaps you need to read up on what it is before you call it hog wash.
  
  And sure, there is no 'etiquette police' but if you go against etiquette you will find yourself in the middle of a group of upset people.

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  abcflower member

  

  December 2011

  Actually, I'm a social historian by training and I study law and social structures so I can say with surity 1. etiquette is not social law (or any law) and 2. etiquette is a social norm, but only applicable insomuch as it is integrated into the local customs. I mean, seriously. If we're talking about the Monarchy in Britain, then etiquette *may* have more serious repercussions, but the average person on here comes from a variety of places across more than one country where etiquette is side by side measured against local custom.
   
  Your silly insistance against wedding party tables as bad etiquette all the time and everywhere and your statement that upset people will enforce etiquette if you go against it is proof of its limits - in some areas the wedding table is the norm, everyone has one, a sweetheart table or otherwise would be considered rude. If etiquette was this overarching set of social laws, then why would entire sections of the population practice a different meal set up? Oh, wait, because it's a social practice, it's not a law.
   
  It's a custom. It should inform, but never force our decisions. Quit giving it more power to dictate control over our actions than it deserves.   

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  banana468 member

  

  December 2011

  Your implication that it's social custom and nothing more is ridiculous.  By stating that you remove the very real possibility that such a custom is offensive to those practicing it and to those who may be party to it.
  
  There are plenty of things that were done as custom and then people actually began to think about them and whether they were appropriate at all.
  
  You're implying that the use of a head table and splitting up social units is acceptable if those using them have seen them in the past.  You're removing the very real possibility that customs were inappropriate years ago and that they're inappropriate now but they're blindly followed without thought.
  

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