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Vent

kimberlyb33kimberlyb33
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in Snarky Brides
Hello Ladies!

My wedding is exacly 80 days from today... I think I've got the majority of everything either taken care of or under control and I'm feeling very good about that.
Here's my vent... I'm 33 - I've had most of the same friends since I was 19 or 20. In that time we've all grown and changed - i know this is normal and to be expected - but what are you supposed to do if as you're growing you possibly grow away from someone that you've been close with for over a decade? Is this something you just have to roll with? I'm pretty sure that it can't be stopped or anything like that... but I'm not really sure how to deal with this. I'm one of the last of my friends to get married - most of them are already working on kid #2, so I'm a little behind the curve. I'm sure that the things I'm thinking about are all things that they have thought about too - I've actually had conversations about this with some of them - one in particular who would sit there and tell me that I couldn't do anything about it - I just had to accept things as they are.
I know i can't be the first person to have these observations... but how am i supposed to handle all of it? I mean... all my friends are growing apart but my FI's friends are as close as ever. Is this a girl thing? I'm making new friends - mostly the wives of my FI's friends - but they are all great people.
I just don't know if there's something that I can do to at least make myself feel better if not try to keep my group of friends close.
Thoughts???
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Re: Vent

  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Sadly, you will grow apart from some of your friends as your lives change, and people get on with life.  I know at some point we all swear we will forever be as close as we once were, but it just doesn't happen that way.  If you're lucky, you will stay in touch with some of them, and you will have to let others go.  Also, it seems so much harder to make new friends as we get older (I have no idea why this happens).

    Concentrate on your FI and your own life and happiness going forward.  If some of your old BFFs stick around, great.  But be prepared for the inevitable drifting apart.
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  • bltatabltata member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I'm sorry that you are feeling that you and your long time friends are growing apart.  Unfortunately, it's just a natural occurrence in life.  The nature of male relationships often varies from that of females, as well, so it could play a part in your fi's friendships sticking around. 

    As sad as it is, especially with things like the aforementioned working on kid #2, women have some other things going on sometimes, and a lot of us worry about things more than men do.  It's not always the case, but yes, we women can stress ourselves out about life's responsibilities more than men on occasion.  This can sometimes mean that we make less room in our lives for our friends.  Sometimes you'll drift back together, sometimes it just happens. 

    I guess the only thing I can suggest is that you focus on your love for your fi and your new marriage, and if you feel distant from your friends, make an effort to see them or talk to them more.  If it doesn't work, be happy that you have other ladies you get along with.  Life happens.
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  • brilibby4brilibby4 member
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    I have also grown apart from some of my old best friends.  I think it is just something that happens over time, especially as you all move on to new phases of your lives.
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  • reddy123reddy123 member
    First Comment
    Les said it well, I think it's just sadly a part of life. 

    The fact that they all have smaller children is a huge factor, they could just be going along, concentrating all of their energy on their families and kids. Some of them may miss hanging out, some of them may not. You just have to seek out the ones that do and try to wrangle them into lunch once or twice a year. 

    There's not a whole lot more you can do, just try to start new friendships where the people love to hang out and there is no wrangling involved. 


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  • kimberlyb33kimberlyb33
    First Comment
    Thanks ladies!
    It's always nice to know that I'm not alone in what I'm going through.
    I have to say - this whole mess is just crappy, but at the same time, I guess things happen for a reason. I think I'm just in an uncomfortable phase where sometimes feelings are being hurt on accident and maybe not all of us are on the same page.
    I think one of my maids has grown away from me more than I had previously thought... and that's difficult to accept. I used to think of her as a sister but now I'm not sure that she feels the same way - I'm starting to get the impression that she's happier in her life without my friendship. Of course she'd never say that, and I have mentioned things along these lines to her before... It's just I don't think she wants to say it.
    We'll see what happens.
    I know that I do have some new friendships forming and that I have a GREAT FI to spend the rest of my lift with. These are things that I'm very thankful for every day. :)
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  • Grits8812Grits8812 member
    First Comment
    Unfortunatly it could happen.  Hopefully it doesn't though.  Just try to stay close with them and don't let your new married life take time away from them that you used to always have.  Don't let being the "late bloomer" of the baby boom get you down, you will have your turn. 


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