Getting married...

misshart00 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Getting married...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting married...:Is anyone else thinking of the movie "Sweet Home Alabama", where she is signing the divorce papers in the aisle?nbsp;Posted by kerbohlUh, absolutely. Haha. I signed papers and was promised by a lawyer that it would be done in less than six months we had literally nothing to argue over. But Dear, Sweet, Darling exH decided out of spite to hang on to the papers and drug it out to a YEAR AND A HALF. Apparently on TK I can't call you an idiot any more for just hoping that everything will be done, but best of luck to you, if this isn't MUD.I haven't had my coffee yet. grumbles and shuffles away Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

This. I've never been through a divorce but what if he contests it? Won't it take a lot longer then? And H pointed out to me this morning, what if exH showed up at the 'wedding' and contested the new marriage because they're not divorced yet?

Calypso1977 · March 2013

some states you can get a divorce same day but then there is still usually the waiting period in case one party changes their mind. This is often 60 to 90 days or more. So even if you can get divorced the day of the hearing, its not really final that day, meaning you wouldnt be free to marry.

unless you have agreed on everything this may not be that easy to get a same day deal. the courts will want detail on every asset being divided and they usually get cranky about things like health insurance, especially if you are on a family plan (at least here in MA, where its required that everyone have insurance).

Knottie_22383455 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Getting married...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting married...:Is anyone else thinking of the movie "Sweet Home Alabama", where she is signing the divorce papers in the aisle?nbsp;Posted by kerbohlUh, absolutely. Haha. I signed papers and was promised by a lawyer that it would be done in less than six months we had literally nothing to argue over. But Dear, Sweet, Darling exH decided out of spite to hang on to the papers and drug it out to a YEAR AND A HALF. Apparently on TK I can't call you an idiot any more for just hoping that everything will be done, but best of luck to you, if this isn't MUD.I haven't had my coffee yet. grumbles and shuffles away Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

First off..this is not MUD as this is my life. A life that I choosed. Maybe you yourself creates MUD but thats something I dont do. Yes I choosed to go ahead and plan a wedding while still legally married to someone else. I choose to do whatever and at the end of the day dont really care what you think.

Neither one of will be contesting to drag this thing out as he has moved on with another woman, had 2 kids and plan to get married themselves. Thats not even my concern. You chicks look way to deep into things. But I thank you for your opinion.

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:2fff35fa-16f8-490c-97a0-f1115f96d575">Re:Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Getting married...: First off..this is not MUD as this is my life. A life that I choosed. Maybe you yourself creates MUD but thats something I dont do. Yes I choosed to go ahead and plan a wedding while still legally married to someone else. I choose to do whatever and at the end of the day dont really care what you think. Neither one of will be contesting to drag this thing out as he has moved on with another woman, had 2 kids and plan to get married themselves. Thats not even my concern. You chicks look way to deep into things. But I thank you for your opinion.
Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You're right. You can 'choosed' to do whatever you want. I thought my exH was going to get to the point and make it happen quickly because he had already moved in with another girl. Turns out it wasn't so. Heaven help me that I give you a real, legitimate situation that very well might happen to you and you turn into a b*tch. </div><div>
</div><div>Choosed to do whatever you want, honey. Don't go asking internet strangers for advice on your life and what you choosed to do with it if you don't want to hear opinions.</div><div>
</div>

Knottie_22383455 · March 2013

My EXhusband as I stated in pp he has moved on that is the least of my worries. He filed the papers on me. Because he is in a rush to get remarried amd move to another state. Im only concerned with the lenght of time it will take for the court date to come for us to finalize it. Not worried about him barging in saying he objects.

misshart00 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Getting married...:[QUOTE]My EXhusband as I stated in pp he has moved on that is the least of my worries. He filed the papers on me. Because he is in a rush to get remarried amd move to another state. Im only concerned with the lenght of time it will take for the court date to come for us to finalize it. Not worried about him barging in saying he objects. Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]

So HE filed? Then what was your plan for May if you were never going to file? Apply for a new marriage license and hope they wouldn't notice?

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:30d078ee-9297-41c2-8028-aa032f27224a">Re:Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE]My EXhusband as I stated in pp he has moved on that is the least of my worries. He filed the papers on me. Because he is in a rush to get remarried amd move to another state. Im only concerned with the lenght of time it will take for the court date to come for us to finalize it. Not worried about him barging in saying he objects.
Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]

<div>Do you even know how long the waiting period is after you get divorced before you can remarry? What state are you even in? It sounds like you have NO IDEA how divorce works. My exH filed the papers on me too, and I still got screwed. The court took 2 months even after every single paper was filed to sign the final decree, and it took 2 more weeks for it to get to me. You might want to read a book, or consult an attorney.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: I just read you're getting married in MAY?!? This is not going to happen for you. I imagine you'll just throw your PPD anyways and file for the marriage license whenever your divorce goes through. Anyone taking bets? </div>

[Deleted User] · March 2013

This just sounds like a bad idea all around. Postpone before you send out invites and people have already made plans. Most of your vendors will probably be willing to work with you to move to another date (they're still getting the money after all).

Not only does it sound dishonest to have a fake marriage, I would HATE to see what happens if this divorce did get ugly and his lawyer tried to use your fake, borderline bigamist marriage against you to get your husband every last penny you have.

Knottie_22382049 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:30d078ee-9297-41c2-8028-aa032f27224a">Re:Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE]My EXhusband as I stated in pp he has moved on that is the least of my worries. He filed the papers on me. Because he is in a rush to get remarried amd move to another state.<strong> Im only concerned with the lenght of time it will take for the court date to come for us to finalize it.</strong> Not worried about him barging in saying he objects.
Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]

<div>Even after the court date you may have to wait some more. When I got divorced it was a month from the hearing until the finalized papers arrived in the mail. Until you have those papers you can not get a marriage license. And until you have a marriage license you can not get remarried. I have honestly been here trying to help you. Call your venue and anyplace else you gave a deposit and ask if the deposit can be used for a later date. Most places are willing to work with a date change. </div>

nycrose2013 · March 2013

Guys, she choosed what she choosed! Just leave her alone already GOD

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:a1a321a3-70d8-4813-bfd0-44e5bb9529bd">Re: Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE]Guys, she choosed what she choosed! Just leave her alone already GOD
Posted by nycrose2013[/QUOTE]

<div><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-2271" src="http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/well_done_sir.gif" alt="" title="well done sir" width="320" height="240" /></div>

STARMOON44 · March 2013

If you're just looking for someone to tell you choosing to have a fake wedding while you are still married to someone else is okay, I'm afraid you'll need to look somewhere else.

Viczaesar · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:3840e7db-768f-452e-b375-9265733208f9">Re: Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE]President Andrew Jackson and his wife, Rachel, tried this. They got burned. The legal paperwork fell through the cracks, and (unknown to them at the time) they weren't legally married. <strong>That was a big deal, and nearly cost Jackson the presidency!</strong> Postpone your wedding plans until you are single and entitled to call yourself a bride, please!
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
Would that it had...

misshart00 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Getting married...:[QUOTE]If you're just looking for someone to tell you choosing to have a fake wedding while you are still married to someone else is okay, I'm afraid you'll need to look somewhere else. Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

Perhaps wedding bee. But if she does, someone please find the link.

steign · March 2013

I guess in Washington state there is no waiting period to be remarried, as long as the divorce is final.

Crazy.

hoffse · March 2013

OP, what if there is a waiting period after getting your license? Most states won't let you apply for a marriage license until a divorce is finalized, and many of them have a waiting period between obtaining the license and having the wedding.

And PP is correct - his attorney will probably be well aware of what you are doing, and she will very likely use it against you because it helps her client. I am not a divorce attorney, but I think it would be borderline malpractice to not even discuss the possibilities with your ex, once the lawyer has notice of what you are doing.

I give it a 98% chance that this plan will bite you in the ass one way or the other.

Knottie_22383455 · March 2013

In the state I live in therr is no waiting period from when your divorce is finalized and when you remarry. As long As both parties agree whats in the decree during the hearing the divorce is finalized right then and there. You can go to the court house the next day and get if you choose and get a license. Once you obtain your license you can get married the same day. In my state you have up to 30 days to use it or it will be null and void. If anybody will get in trouble it would be him. He has already had 2 children by his Fiance while legally still married to me and the plan to be married in July. I know because he was urging me to sign the papers. He is and so am I willing to do what needs to be done for this to be finalized.

sarabellam · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:30d078ee-9297-41c2-8028-aa032f27224a">Re:Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE]My EXhusband as I stated in pp he has moved on that is the least of my worries. He filed the papers on me. Because he is in a rush to get remarried amd move to another state. Im only concerned with the lenght of time it will take for the court date to come for us to finalize it. Not worried about him barging in saying he objects.
Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]
Your story doesn't add up. You started planning a wedding, booked vendors, put deposits down, and YOU NEVER FILED FOR DIVORCE? Just what were you planning to do if your husband (because make no mistake, he IS STILL your husband) hadn't filed for divorce?

Knottie_22383455 · March 2013

I started planning my wedding about 6 months ago. He offered to pay for the divorce since he was the one who left. He was waiting to til his settlement came in from when he had a car accident. Had it been that IF he was being difficult I would of came up with the money and paid for it myelf. We are cordial with each other. I told him I want to get married in May he said from what the courts told him as afar as things being finalized it shouldnt take long because of how theres not much involved as far as kids, property, and other assests.

steign · March 2013

OP, I am still confused. You said you have been separated from your current H for 3 years. Why didn't you file the ppwork when you met your now FI? I live in a state too where you do not have a waiting period to be remarried. However, once you papers are filed there's a minimum waiting period of 90 days before the divorce is finalized. Has it been 90 days?

ETA: I just saw your reply before mine. So that explains why you are waiting. I still don't get why you would even think of planning a wedding when you could have been putting that money towards your divorce. Waiting for him to pay for it seems like a bad idea. If you wanted to be remarried, and plan a wedding then you should have put your priorities first and settled the divorce.

Knottie_22382049 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:3828c39c-75e6-4958-8e67-d0768840dcd9">Re:Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE] If anybody will get in trouble it would be him. He has already had 2 children by his Fiance while legally still married to me and the plan to be married in July. I know because he was urging me to sign the papers. He is and so am I willing to do what needs to be done for this to be finalized.
Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry wrong you BOTH committed adultry him having children doesnt make his any worse. Also he planned a wedding for JULY a good four months after the papers were filed, by him. You on the otherhand have already put down deposits and were planning to get married while still legally married to your ex and the papers weren't even filed yet. You went as far as to ask if getting a license in another state would work all because you want a wedding in May which will fall within the 90 days they have to approve your divorce. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Knottie_22382207 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Getting married...:[QUOTE]In the state I live in therr is no waiting period from when your divorce is finalized and when you remarry. As long As both parties agree whats in the decree during the hearing the divorce is finalized right then and there. You can go to the court house the next day and get if you choose and get a license. Once you obtain your license you can get married the same day. In my state you have up to 30 days to use it or it will be null and void.

If anybody will get in trouble it would be him. He has already had 2 children by his Fiance while legally still married to me and the plan to be married in July. I know because he was urging me to sign the papers. He is and so am I willing to do what needs to be done for this to be finalized. Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]

This will be my second marriage. From experience I must say you have too much going on... To be honest its somewhat difficult to even comprehend.I was legally separated for a year when I met my now fl. My lawyer told me it would be "anyday now" to be legally divorced. After a year more... Yes a year, nothing was finished. My ex wanted blood. My now fl wanted to get engaged at that time and I wouldnt evendo that! To me it would just feel icky I believe icky is the technical term. All in all it took almost 3 years. I didn't even get engaged until a year after it was finalized. It may not be your ex, you, or anyone else delaying it. Sometimes the courts just move too slow. Keep that in mind. But for now my advice would be take it slow and postpone. It will mean more in the endand you will be way less stressed. Also, please be aware that I don't think anyone here is trying to come at you. Advice is what you requested right? Good luck!

peekaboo2011 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:c463b2cf-e8bd-408c-97af-45d5d5515538">Re:Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Getting married...:To my mind, your options if it doesn't come through in time are postpone now, or postpone later. nbsp;I vote postpone now, since you're less likely to lose deposits and it's not as much of an inconvenience for all of your guests.You only filed a couple weeks ago? nbsp;So you planned all this without even filing? nbsp;This just seems completely inappropriate to me. nbsp;It shouldn't come as any shock to you that court things often take longer than expected. Posted by STARMOON44 Ditto. Wow, this is the first time I've heard of this outside of a "my dad was married to two women with two families" story. Do your friends and family know you're not divorced? Also, in addition to questioning whether it would be ok to get a license in another state I.e. attempt to bypass the law and be married to two people simultaneously, your original question seemed to be: <strong>Can I have a big wedding ceremony with all the trimmings even though I'm married to someone else, but then just get a marriage certificate a while later when I'm no longer married? I guess you are able to do that.</strong> You could go around having fake wedding ceremonies and receptions to whomever you want....... BUT, it's truly awful and apalling on a number of levels You should just wait.
Posted by nicoleandersonmd[/QUOTE]

<div>I swear this was the plot of one of those explicitly detailed Harlequin novels.</div>

Knottie_22382102 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:0dca069d-9f2e-49aa-b3e7-a3e019fdcb37">Re: Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE]Overall, at this point, it's just a snarky comment. I really can't tell if half the posts today are real or not. If it is real, and to my point: they pursued and planned a whole wedding without getting a divorce first. I think that's already in such poor taste that it will be hard to recover from. OP also seems more concerned about losing deposits than it being a fake wedding which is further reflection in itself.
Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

In light of the full picture that you have choosed to provide... I have choosed to stand by my previous statement. Go get married in May. Don't worry about the consequences or etiquette you have choosed to ignore thus far. Just have fun and be in love.

Knottie_22383455 · March 2013

Princessbride...how is it adultry when we have been seperated for 3 yrs. Not living together, no sex, no nothing. I wasnt inquiring about getting the license in another state personally someone suggested it to me. I even looked at the woman weird when she said it to me.

Knottie_22382102 · March 2013

Adultery is when someone has sex with a person outside of the marriage. Separation isn't a divorce so you're still married. You having sex with your FI or your husband having sex with his FI doesn't make a difference.

Knottie_22382102 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:2fff35fa-16f8-490c-97a0-f1115f96d575">Re:Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Getting married...: First off..this is not MUD as this is my life. A life that I choosed. Maybe you yourself creates MUD but thats something I dont do. <u><strong>Yes I choosed to go ahead and plan a wedding while still legally married to someone else. I choose to do whatever and at the end of the day dont really care what you think.</strong></u> Neither one of will be contesting to drag this thing out as he has moved on with another woman, had 2 kids and plan to get married themselves. Thats not even my concern. You chicks look way to deep into things. But I thank you for your opinion.
Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]

Further support for her just going for it.

kmbryant2413 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:0279bc81-107f-4f08-8a70-92a00388f690">Re:Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE]Princessbride...how is it adultry when we have been seperated for 3 yrs. Not living together, no sex, no nothing. I wasnt inquiring about getting the license in another state personally someone suggested it to me. I even looked at the woman <strong>weirded</strong> when she said it to me.
Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]

<div>If you want adult answers here, don't type things like 'choosed' or 'weirded'. Show us that you have half a brain and maybe you'll recieve some courtesy back.</div>

Sierra524 · March 2013

Wow, this is crazy! I am so glad I found this. I have never ever heard of anybody even considering to plan a wedding prior to being completely divorced. OP, that is so irresponsible. You have NO idea how long it will take to be finalized, no matter what other people say. The fact that you waited 3 years, for him to file, because you didnt have money is not an excuse. You had money for the deposits you put on your venue, your dj, photographer, etc. Right? Also, you said you started planning your wedding six months ago. You should have taken the money that you were using for deposits and put it towards your divorce, instead of waiting for your exH to do it. Sorry, but you really should post pone your wedding as other PPs have said.

[Deleted User] · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae9e1fbc-517c-418e-ac6f-6792e70f0116Post:3828c39c-75e6-4958-8e67-d0768840dcd9">Re:Getting married...</a>:
[QUOTE]In the state I live in therr is no waiting period from when your divorce is finalized and when you remarry. As long As both parties agree whats in the decree during the hearing the divorce is finalized right then and there. You can go to the court house the next day and get if you choose and get a license. Once you obtain your license you can get married the same day. In my state you have up to 30 days to use it or it will be null and void.<strong> If anybody will get in trouble it would be him. He has already had 2 children by his Fiance while legally still married to me and the plan to be married in July. I know because he was urging me to sign the papers. He is and so am I willing to do what needs to be done for this to be finalized.</strong>
Posted by 1bmw35[/QUOTE]

Adultery and having kids outside of a marriage, while crappy, isn't illegal. Bigamy is. You'd definitely still look like the bad guy.

What's so wrong about waiting a few months so you can be on the right side of everything - morally, legally, etc? Seriously.

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