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changing priests last minute....

denicidenici
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in Catholic Weddings
We are getting married abroad on June 26th and today our priest there told us that the documentation needed for our church wedding was not in order. We have been trying to contact him for the last 2 months and he never even mentioned this. Throughout the whole preparation process he has never helped us. For example, a moth before the wedding we don't even know anything about the ceremony music neither had any approval of the wedding program we crafted ourselves.Our priest here in the Parochy has actually been very helpful but with all this drama and lack of time I am stressing out already!! (On top op that my FH and I are in the midst of a overseas move)Does anyone have experience with dealing with a reluctant priest abroad? Do you have any advice? Should we just forgo the religious ceremony since apparently there is just too much burocracy involved?It just makes me sad since we have people coming from the US, Canada and different countries in Europe and now this Priest doesn't want to marry us anymore because of some documents we didnt even know we had to give him!!!Yell
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Re: changing priests last minute....

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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    do not forgo the religious ceremony.

    waht documents are missing?  if its something simple like a baptism certificate, you have plenty of time to obtain this  before June 26.
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    denicidenici
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    edited December 2011
    No it is way more complicated then that. Since we already married for City Hall here in New York (where we live, my FH is Portuguese and I am Dutch). We wanted to marry for Church as we are both Catholics and share with our family in friends. We planned the wedding in Portugal and when we met with the priest in December explained how we were already married. Now he seems to have 'forgotten' that part and says he can not marry us if we don't have the civil wedding legalized in Portugal. Since I am not Portuguese that whole process will take a long time. 
    I am not angry about the fact that these documents are needed but very disappointed we only hear this now with so little time left. The priest there also was blaming the system here.....But I can not fix these rules!
     I really want to get married for Church and have all the documents and went to Pre-Cana here...
    FMIL is going to talk to some other Priest but I worry they really need the civil document legalized in Portugal. Cry
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    ring_popring_pop member
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    edited December 2011
    Can you contact your Portuguese Consulate in NY? They should be able to tell you what the requirements are, and maybe even help you expedite the process if it's urgent.

    In terms of church paperwork, contact the churches where you were baptized and they should know what to do. I was baptized abroad, and I just made one simple phone call and they took care of it all.
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    denicidenici
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    edited December 2011
    Just talked to the Consulate and they tell me to register in the Netherlands....(where we will be moving)
    This while priest insists on a registration in Portugal!!! I am going nuts with this burocratic issuesFrown
    I hope there is a priest that can help us and isn't so reluctant...we haven't had much help from him in the past, like i said, so I am really starting to lose my patience with this particular person!
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    Jay+MarissaJay+Marissa member
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    edited December 2011
    Good luck--that sounds really rough!
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    hmm, that is complicated.
    why did you marry civilly to begin with?
    the consulate is a good idea... otherwise, you may just have to fly to portugal and go to a courthouse there adn see what you can do.

    sorry, i have no advice....
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    unplainjaneunplainjane member
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    edited December 2011
    hmm if you have been civilly married i don't think you can get "married" in a church again. but you can have your marriage blessed so it is recognized by the church. talk to your priest about this.
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    denicidenici
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks so much for your advice. 
    We married civilly because we are both on a visa and in order to be with my love I had to marry him since in this country that is the only way of getting some benefits. I didn't want to be without any health insurance...long story (That's why I also feel about this gay marriage, people should all have the same rights and benefits....but that is another discussion)

    Actually, in many other countries you have to get married  civilly before marrying for Church. Besides both my priest there and here said it was no problem. Except that now it all of a sudden is not correct. 
    I still have my faith but start having doubts about the Church. I understand my priest there is human and has made a mistake but I am really hurt he said we should just move the date and doesn't consider the fact that all my guests have bought tickets, hotels etc. I still think he should have brought this up way earlier...

    Unplainjane, do you, or anyone else knows how this blessing works? Thanks!
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    the "blessing" is actually what is called a convalidation.  its pretty much the same as a regular wedding with the exception that you are only receiving the sacrament, and the priest is not also legally marrying you since the state already says you are married.

    i'm guessing you cant have the convalidation since your civil marriage is not legal since the papers arent filed.  however, if that is the case, and the civil marriage technically doenst exist due to paperwork not being filed, i'm not sure why the priest cant just marry you.  definitely a unique case indeed.
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    denicidenici
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Turns out this particular priest is turning it into one hot mess! FMIL talked with the Diocese and now it looks like we are getting married with a different priest in a different church (much closer to where the reception will be held)I am so relieved!!Laughing
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