Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Grandfather officiant refuses to announce our "will be" last name

My fiance's grandfather has agreed to officiate the wedding, and we were very happy that he would. A few days ago, however, we were going over ceremony wording and the pronouncement as the new couple.

When we get married, we will legally change our name to McQuade instead of taking his last name which is passed down from this grandfather. His grandfather said that if he is going to officiate the wedding, he can't in good conscience present us as Mr. and Mrs. McQuade. He says this is because he's proud of his name and the name has a "legacy", of which neither I nor my fiance knows of.

We aren't changing our last name because we are ashamed of the name, we aren't disrespecting his family, it's merely for fun and sound. Lex McQuade sounds a lot better than Lex Hislastname. And the name that we want to take is my fiance's paternal grandmother's maiden name, so it really confused and astounded me when we got this dropped on us.

Am I wrong for thinkng that this isn't right? I don't want to have this issue come between us, but I get the feeling that this is a pride issue that his grandfather needs to work out between him and God. I'm not sure how to handle this or even if I'm thinking clearly. Help?

Re: Grandfather officiant refuses to announce our "will be" last name

  • How is it better conscience to announce you by a name you don't have? That's called a lie... lol.

    Is your FI an only son? Or is he the first grandchild to get married? Sometimes people worry about names being 'lost', and take family names very seriously, so he might not appreciate you two picking and choosing what name you want. It's also hard for some people to buck tradition.

    You and your FI need to work out what HE should tell his grandfather, since this sounds like something the two of them are going to need to work out. If he doesn't come around, and you want to be announced by the name that you're going to be known as, maybe someone else could announce you after he pronounces you man and wife? Or, as a last step, you might have to find a different officiant.
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  • Have you told the rest of the family? I bet a lot of them have hurt feelings too. I don't think having a new last name is wrong or silly, but some families get very hurt when the son changes his name. Most likely this is not just the only issue you will have. FI needs to have a sit down with his family to talk out their feelings. Does his family even know yet? I'm surprised this just came up.

    About announcing you: You can just not have him announce and instead have the DJ announce it when you enter the reception. But...If his grandfather refuses to & you want  it said after your vows, then time to look for someone else.

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  • Since I am hyphenating my name, our minister will just announce us as "D and M, husband and wife."

    I am confused. Are you just making up a new last name, or combining your names to make a new one? Or is McQuade someone's name already? Sorry I am a little slow to catch up on things.
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  • From what the PPs say it sounds like you are creating your own name... hmm, interesting. Like PP said, you could just have him not introduce you, or do what I'm doing and he could say "x and y, husband and wife."
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  • Its an old family name...

    I would have to agree with PP and have him announce you as B&G, husband and wife!
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  • I agree with redhead. Have him annouce you as husband and wife, and then when you enter the reception, have the DJ announce you as Mr. and Mrs. McQuade. If FI's grandfather won't do that or you are afraid he'll go against your wishes, tell him you regret you'll need to find a new officiant.

    How silly that he can't in "good conscience" announce someone's legally chosen name.
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  • I've never heard of someone just making up a new last name. That's kinda weird.
  • LoveMuffins: He isn't the only son. My fiance has a younger brother, so the name wouldn't be lost. We do plan on talking with grandpa about it either just my fiance or both of us together.

    redheadfsu: The rest of the family knows about the name change and they are fine with it. It seems like it just came up because it hadn't been an issue until we were discussing the ceremony with his grandpa.

    theluckiest555: McQuade is grandpa's wife's maiden name; so it's still in the family. Just to clarify, it is not a made up name.

    msmerymac: I know, right?

    almost-a-bride: We aren't making up the last name, although I have heard of people doing that. It's his paternal grandmother's naiden name. So it's still a family name, just not the male name that had been passed down as is "tradition".

    Thank you all for the advice! I'll give it all some thought and we shall see what goes down.
  • If this is the only issue and it's important to FI to have his grandfather officiate your wedding then I wouldn't necessarily look for a new officiant.  I'd just change the wording.  Like pp said have him announce you as bride and groom or first name.  Then at the reception have the DJ announce your new name.  

    Maybe ask him sometime about the family name legacy.  Not that you're going to change your mind, but it might make him feel better that you, young whippersnappers, care to know about it.  ;)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_grandfather-officiant-refuses-announce-will-last-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:14518156-43f3-49c5-bf88-3eb1a5dce9e1Post:8196a3b2-b308-4f92-a0c9-4e96f06c7fe6">Re: Grandfather officiant refuses to announce our "will be" last name</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've never heard of someone just making up a new last name. That's kinda weird.
    Posted by almost-a-bride[/QUOTE]

    You're kinda weird.

    Just because you haven't heard of it doesn't mean people don't do it. I know several people who have completely made up new family names.
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  • PGrantPGrant member
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    While I think you and your FH picking a different name (even though it is a family name) based on how your first name sounds with his current last is odd to say the least, it is your business to do so, not the officiant's even though it is FH's grandfather.  BTW, I'm not saying this because I am a traditionalist, I am keeping my last name.  He however, has the right to refuse to "announce" you as Mr. and Mrs. Whatever if he is uncomfortable with it (is it even going to be legal as your new name at that time?  Will FH have legally changed his name by then?).  The whole concept of "announcing" the couple, whether it is at the church or the reception has always puzzled me, if the guests don't know who they are there for, why are they there.
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