What I overheard my dad say today...

shoegal715 · June 2010

So I was upstairs packing and I'm walking back and forth between rooms and I can hear my parents downstairs bickering to each other.

My cousin is getting married next month and my dad needed to buy a new suit. He was freaked out over the $600 and I hear my mom telling him to relax, and that he could wear it to my wedding.

My dad's reply? "Yeah right, like they'll make it."

What the hell!?! So apparently my dad doesn't think I should get married, or that my marriage will last??? I'm 25 years old, it's not like I'm 16, and I've never told my parents about any animosity or fighting between fiance and I. Such a random and cruel thing for my dad to say.

I always thought my dad was actually happy for us, and optimistic -- I guess not???

jamiefour · June 2010

Don't take this the wrong way but I would be extremely worried if my father said something like that. I don't know your family dynamic but I would want to find out why my father thought that and would probably reevaluate some things. Just my 2 cents.

cschuma2 · June 2010

Maybe you misheard? Or since you only heard part of the conversation, this was taken out of context?

You could ask your dad if this is what he said or what he meant by it. It might clear the air and resolve his (or your) concerns.

However, if this is really what your dad thinks.... You said it yourself. You're 25. You don't need your parents blessing to get married.

shellydiane820 · June 2010

womp! womp!

But that does suck. I'd talk to your dad and asks why he feels this way.

Shazzie116 · June 2010

My first reaction as that he meant your cousin. It very well could have been a heat of the moment thing that sometimes people say and don't mean. Maybe have a chat with him? Parents get weird about weddings sometimes.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

Yeah. That's pretty bad. I would talk to him about it as soon as possible.

tidetravel · June 2010

OMG. I would be very hurt if I heard my father say that. I'm also pretty sure that he would have known that I overheard it, because I would have run crying to my bedroom and slammed the door.

I don't really know what to say. Maybe, if you want to, you could talk to your dad about what he said, and his concerns, if he has any. Or you could try talking to your mother - let her know that you overheard the conversation and that you were hurt by his comment.

shoegal715 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_overheard-dad-say-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:181f1481-ddea-44c2-aa7a-6f29c8db6ef4Post:34abed9d-f6cc-46a4-8afb-45c34dde7c21">Re: What I overheard my dad say today...</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG. I would be very hurt if I heard my father say that. I'm also pretty sure that he would have known that I overheard it, because I would have run crying to my bedroom and slammed the door. I don't really know what to say. Maybe, if you want to, you could talk to your dad about what he said, and his concerns, if he has any. <strong>Or you could try talking to your mother - let her know that you overheard the conversation and that you were hurt by his comment.</strong>
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, that's good advice. My dad is weird about feelings / emotions. He can only tell me he loves me or that he's proud of me via text message. I love him more than anything, but sensitivity and communication are not his thing. </div><div>
</div><div>If I called him on it, I can almost guarantee he would either deny it, or tell me it was a joke. I feel like my mom would be much more honest and forthcoming. Maybe they see a big red flag that I don't. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

shoegal715 · June 2010

It makes it worse because my dad is footing the entire bill. Now I feel guilty - he's pissed off over a $600 suit, and now he has to pay for a wedding for his daughter when he apparently doesn't think she should be getting married?

UGH.

sucrets4 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_overheard-dad-say-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:181f1481-ddea-44c2-aa7a-6f29c8db6ef4Post:dd08c4bd-94f1-450a-86a3-27c4e320d50b">Re: What I overheard my dad say today...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My first reaction as that he meant your cousin.</strong> It very well could have been a heat of the moment thing that sometimes people say and don't mean. Maybe have a chat with him? Parents get weird about weddings sometimes.
Posted by Shazzie116[/QUOTE]

This.

shoegal715 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_overheard-dad-say-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:181f1481-ddea-44c2-aa7a-6f29c8db6ef4Post:b0393421-5bc8-4c3a-b65d-fd2db41cc126">Re: What I overheard my dad say today...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What I overheard my dad say today... : This.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

<div>I wish, but it was very clear.</div><div>
</div><div>Dad: "$600 for a fucking suit I'll wear once..."</div><div>Mom: "Relax, you can wear it to daughter's wedding next summer"</div><div>Dad: "yeah right, like they'll make it till then"</div>

future-mrs · June 2010

That really stinks and I would feel the same way as you...sorry

I have nothing other than the PP had some good advice.

ms_teach · June 2010

My parents weren't thrilled with my choice either. They loved ex and had a hard time accepting that it was over. On top of that, they said FI just "isn't what they expected for me" and couldn't quite explain why. I think they're bothered by him still being in school and are afraid about the whole "provider" thing. They also think his laugh is too loud. Seriously... that's all I got. No big red flags there.

My point to that is maybe it's something small that bugs your dad?

Also, since my mom was the most vocal, I talked to my dad about it to find out what the deal was. Also, 6 months after our engagement, things seem better. I think they're realizing they're stuck with him.

tidetravel · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_overheard-dad-say-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:181f1481-ddea-44c2-aa7a-6f29c8db6ef4Post:3b166506-fce0-4327-a8b2-aaf000b3814f">Re: What I overheard my dad say today...</a>:
[QUOTE]It makes it worse because my dad is footing the entire bill. Now I feel guilty - he's pissed off over a $600 suit, and now he has to pay for a wedding for his daughter when he apparently doesn't think she should be getting married? UGH.
Posted by shoegal715[/QUOTE]
Knowing what you know now, maybe you should consider declining his offer to pay, and having whatever type of wedding that you can afford on your own.
I'd probably refuse out of principle.

laurenclaire1386 · June 2010

Before you make a decision on anything like refusing his money, talk to him. See what's up. I know that you think he was being very clear when you overheard that, but he deserves at least a chance to explain himself, or apologize, or whatever. Talk to your dad.

engutshall · June 2010

I agree with PP. Definitely talk to him otherwise this will fester into something even worse.

tldh · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_overheard-dad-say-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:181f1481-ddea-44c2-aa7a-6f29c8db6ef4Post:bcee467e-3828-4c0e-a4ef-d277e3868072">Re: What I overheard my dad say today...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What I overheard my dad say today... : Yeah, that's good advice. My dad is weird about feelings / emotions. He can only tell me he loves me or that he's proud of me via text message. I love him more than anything, but sensitivity and communication are not his thing. If I called him on it, I can almost guarantee he would either deny it, or tell me it was a joke. I feel like my mom would be much more honest and forthcoming. Maybe they see a big red flag that I don't.
Posted by shoegal715[/QUOTE]

Sounds like you have the same father daughter relationship I have with my dad. If it were me, I'd be taking mom out to lunch and asking her what he meant.

JennaV26 · June 2010

I'm sorry girl, I can't imagine what that would be like. I definitely agree that you should talk to your mom, though. If I'm having a problem with a parent I usually go to the other one to see if they have any suggestions for what might be causing the problem. And if your parents are like mine after you talk to your mom she'll probably say something to your dad which will probably cause him to consider more deeply why he said that.

dreamzcometru13 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_overheard-dad-say-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:181f1481-ddea-44c2-aa7a-6f29c8db6ef4Post:7001b278-49bb-4892-b237-a4e05e2ccca1">Re: What I overheard my dad say today...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry girl, I can't imagine what that would be like. I definitely agree that you should talk to your mom, though. If I'm having a problem with a parent I usually go to the other one to see if they have any suggestions for what might be causing the problem. And if your parents are like mine after you talk to your mom she'll probably say something to your dad which will probably cause him to consider more deeply why he said that.
Posted by JennaV26[/QUOTE]

This

526SadieSadie · June 2010

Yikes, that's harsh. If you aren't comfortable talking directly to your dad about it, maybe tell your mom what you overheard and ask her if she knows why your dad feels that way and if she agrees with him. Maybe he's having a hard time accepting his daughter getting married and it came out in anger. Don't get upset until you know there's something to be upset about.

In the event that he doesn't support you getting married, I agree that you should pay for the wedding on your own. There's nothing wrong with your parents giving you a beautiful day, but if they're doing it with major reservations about the stability of your relationship, you'd be better off doing it yourselves. If anything, they'll see you and your fiance compromising and working together towards a common goal and that might ease their minds about the two of you.

Either way, you don't need their blessing - BUT - listen to their side. Your parents want you to be happy and they might see something about your fiance or your relationship that you don't and it might be worth examining before you walk down the aisle. They might not like the way he said something to you or they might have heard you bicker or something that didn't stick out in your mind, but came up as a red flag to them.

In the beginning of planning our wedding, my fiance's parents got really upset and told him they thought we were rushing things and wanted us to wait (his mom actually said "if you get married now, we won't be there"). Without going into too much detail, we talked to them and said that we had been planning on getting engaged for a while, we had been saving money and had things in order, etc etc. Once they heard that we weren't jumping into something we weren't ready for, they started supporting us 100% and it's been smooth sailing ever since.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · June 2010

Reading this breaks my heart - I would be crushed if my dad said those words.

I think these ladies have given you good advice so I won't beat a dead horse - just wanted to wish you luck!

Lenore2010 · June 2010

Okay, here with a little bit different twist on this.

I think you should talk to your dad (not your mom, your dad directly). I do think, however that some perspective is in order here. A PP noted that he may have spoken in the heat of the moment. I think that could be the case for sure.

I am not sure what your age is, but a lot of people by their 40's and 50's (not all, but a lot) are a little cynical on the topic of marriage even if they have kept one of their own going. There is so much divorce out there, and by the time you get to be even 40 you look back and see the trail of friends that have at least one divorce in their past and get all crusty on the topic. It does not mean that he does not like your FI or thinks that you two in particular are not good together, odd as that might sound.

Talk to him, but don't be too upset. This probably is not as big as it might appear.

Bubbalub · June 2010

I just want to send you hugs. I would be devastated if I heard my dad say something like that about FI and me. Talking to your parents is your best bet, just to clear the air, clarify what he meant and see what concerns they may have for you.

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