Ok, so some back story.
Bf and I are buying a house, which is owned by his boss, who is an awesome guy. So far we have only needed to make improvements to live here, no rent, just utilties.
The problem started a while ago. We moved in to a construction zone, literally, every room in the house needs work. We didn't have running water until after we moved in, and had electricity hooked up a couple weeks before the big move.
A couple friends of ours and their baby were in a tight spot. He got laid off from work, because the mines were shutting down so they started their first round of layoffs. They own an rv. They came up for a visit (they lived 6+ hours away at the time). We love them to death, they have a little girl about to turn one in a couple weeks. Anyhow, they made the decision they wanted to move back to this part of the state after that visit.
BF and I discussed it. We are totally people that will lend a hand whenever and wherever we can. After discussing it, we offered part of one of our driveways for them to move their RV onto. We let them know the situation, that we didn't have running water yet, that we were working on it, we don't have trash service so you have to burn what you can, pay for dump trips what you can't.
They agreed. We helped them move their trailer, Bf got him a job with the company he is working with, and helped them to get settled. His wife is a stay at home mom.
I have the distinct feeling Bf and I should have discussed this alot more thoroughly before agreeing to this. He made a deal with them, that they didn't need to pay rent or help with utilities as long as they agreed to help out with the remodel of the house. (Side note it was not something that got discussed with me first) They agreed.
So we moved in mid March, they moved in weekend after that.
We didn't realize the amount of stress having 5 people on property were. Part of the reason we moved into the construction zone was to get away from the stressful home we were living in (the owner started dating one of our roomates.... awkward!)
The wife has credit card and medical debt from having their child. She had been making payments, but when he lost his job they stopped paying. They didn't let the companies know, they just stopped making payments.
I took the wife out of town, so that I could get some shopping done, and she could make phone calls to the credit companies to get started on making payements again. She informed the creditors that the number that she was using was not to be used, as it was not her phone. (Her cell phone had an outstanding balance and service was discontinued)
A week after we went out on this outing, wife had made arrangements to start payments again. She had said to each creditor that they could expect payments within the week.
I don't think she started paying them. I think she forgot, because she believes she made payments the day that we went out, and she didn't when I was with her at least...
Her creditors started calling my cell phone. I am on a pay as you go plan, because I get poor reception, my cell is for emergency only use. When at home, I have no signal, so I only get VM messages, after the phone call has not gone through. (It won't ring)
I let the wife know, "Hey, Matt called for you, on my cell phone." She didn't know who that was, so I said "I think he is one of your credit reps..." She said "Oh, well I just mailed payments... she looked at the calendar... a week ago, maybe he hasn;t gotten it." I said, I just wanted to let you know he called and left a message to call him back. She didn't say much after that just "ok"
Well, a few days later he calls again, leaving another message. I walk over when I notice the vm and call to retrieve it, I let her know he called again. This time she says " Pfft, can you just answer and tell him..." I kinda cut her off, pointing out that I don't have enough signal to answer (either I can hear him or he can hear me if I huddle in a tiny corner of one of the bedrooms with the phone angled just right) She pffft;s me again and says ok.
Nothing gets done, so he continues to call and leave nasty messages on my phone for her.
I don't know if it was the right thing to do, I am not in debt, I never have been so I have no experience with that personally. I didn't let her know he kept on calling. This went on for well over a month, then I finally got a landline phone. He left another message on my cell phone. I called the number he left for her, and he was out of the office. I left a message stating this was no "so and so's phone" and to please stop calling. The phone calls have stopped at least.
Now, we have been having the trouble with burning trash. We have to pay the dump to haul our own trash, they have no city trash services. So after a few times of my burning trash (I separate everything, anything that can be recycled is separated and bagged, things to be burned are put into paper bags or cardboard boxes.
I realize that 3 people will create more trash than 2, especially when one of them is a baby. However, when I go to burn my trash, there is half burned trash left in the burn barrel. I have to remove the barrel, take the half burned trash out, and slowly burn that over hot coals, then start burning my trash.. this takes hours to do properly.... I let the wife know, that in order for everything to burn properly, she has to add stuff little by little. Also that anything that can be recycled should be separated, and anything that can be composted should be composted in the corner of the garden.
I get no reply. No response, a look of vacancy. So they continue to dump huge black plastic bags worth of garbage and it doesn't burn creating more work for me. Last weekend, I tore open their trash bag so that I could dump little by little (snce they didn't get around to burning it at all) and noticed perfectly good baby clothes. You can easily trade those in at a consignment shop, or donate them to the goodwill for tax brakes. Its also so wasteful to burn them, Id let her use some space in our laundry room and I would take them myself at my own expense, and they could take the reciepts for taxes if they wished.
I get no response yet again, nothing. Over the past few weeks I have discovered her yelling at the baby during the day when the baby is just talking. Not crying, not screaming or anything. I worry about it. I just don't know what is the right thing to do. SHe doesn't realize she is suffering from depression, and I don't think it's my place to say. She is extra hormonal around this time of the month to the point I have to hide away in my house, because I know her cycle well enough to not get in that wake if I don't have to.
My question is, how do I go about discussing this with her/them in a way that doesn't make me come off as queen b**ch? I have offered to babysit when I can so they can have couple time to just the two of them, we aren't charging them rent, and we have been so lax on them helping with the house that it is causing riffs btwn bf and I because we have to get twice the amount of work done, with half the help, in half the time. I don't want them to have to leave, I just want some extra chores (or rather those that we talked about being their responsibilities) taken care of.
Can anyone point me in the right direction? I just feel so emotionally drained from being mad all the time... I still think of them as very close friends, and I know that if they were in the position to help us (like we are for them) that there would be no hesitation whatsoever. It's just, where do I draw the line between being a kind, generous friend, or being a freakin Welcome mat?
PS. I realize some of this is rambling, but there's more than even is being discussed here going on. Just need a direction to head in.
