FOCUS Survey

ashleyallen1708 · May 2011

I am Luthern and Fiance is Catholic. We are getting married in his parish. I have been learning the similarities and differences is the marriage traditions with these 2 faiths. We have recently taken our FOCUS survey and have to discuss the results with our mentor couple tonight. Is this a typical catholic tradion? I have found it quite meaningful. The erichment day however I didn't get aything out of and thought it was a waist of time. We will not be having the traditional mass as only half the guest would participate. I was previously married, but do to some catholic law, the bishops found that I was not married in the sacrament and therefore an anulment was not nessesary. This is another differece between the 2 faiths. I was a little worried at first if the priest would even marry us. Any other differences I may find as i'm nearing the day? And what about children...what are yur thoughts on the faith they should be raised in? My thought is to raise them luthern. I participate more in my faith and send my 2 cildren to luthern sunday school, so I wouldn't want their new sibling to have to go to a different church. Thanks ladies for your input.

ootmother2 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_focus-survey?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:b19d9628-e684-4c11-805a-682818148e77Post:60752936-1b1f-47b5-b1fb-b2de918ee513">FOCUS Survey</a>:
[QUOTE]I am Luthern and Fiance is Catholic. We are getting married in his parish. I have been learning the similarities and differences is the marriage traditions with these 2 faiths. We have recently taken our FOCUS survey and have to discuss the results with our mentor couple tonight. Is this a typical catholic tradion? I have found it quite meaningful. The erichment day however I didn't get aything out of and thought it was a waist of time. We will not be having the traditional mass as only half the guest would participate. I was previously married, but do to some catholic law, the bishops found that I was not married in the sacrament and therefore an anulment was not nessesary. This is another differece between the 2 faiths. I was a little worried at first if the priest would even marry us. Any other differences I may find as i'm nearing the day? And what about children...what are yur thoughts on the faith they should be raised in? My thought is to raise them luthern. I participate more in my faith and send my 2 cildren to luthern sunday school, so I wouldn't want their new sibling to have to go to a different church. Thanks ladies for your input.
Posted by ashleyallen1708[/QUOTE]

You do make some good points here.

When a Catholic marries a non Catholic, the non Catholic party must agree not to interfer with the religious beliefs of their partner and to make the best effort to raise their children in the Catholic church.

I'll probably get flamed for saying this, but it sure sounds as though you would be the best person to teach the children religion, in your church.

Meg1036 · May 2011

I think you and FI should talk about whether getting married in a Catholic church is right for you, since your FI will need to promise to bring his children up Catholic. And it sounds like you're happy being Lutheran, and want your children to be Lutheran, so that may be a better way to go.

blush64 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_focus-survey?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:b19d9628-e684-4c11-805a-682818148e77Post:de6c956f-d6de-4d9e-be0e-a2a1390eaa86">Re: FOCUS Survey</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you and FI should talk about whether getting married in a Catholic church is right for you, since your FI will need to promise to bring his children up Catholic. And it sounds like you're happy being Lutheran, and want your children to be Lutheran, so that may be a better way to go.
Posted by Meg1036[/QUOTE]

I think this makes sense. It doesn't sound like you want to raise your kids Catholic so there really isn't a point in marrying in the church and promising to raise your kids Catholic. (From the sound of your post it would be lying which is not a good way to start married life)

Just marry in your church and raise your kids as you and your FI see fit.

lalaith50 · May 2011

However, keep in mind that if your fiancee marries outside the Catholic church, since he is Catholic, the Church *will* consider his marriage invalid.

He may or may not care about that.

bibliophile2010 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_focus-survey?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:b19d9628-e684-4c11-805a-682818148e77Post:f6b0ae3c-414c-4d8f-b9fa-ecdaacc54821">Re: FOCUS Survey</a>:
[QUOTE]However, keep in mind that if your fiancee marries outside the Catholic church, since he is Catholic, the Church *will* consider his marriage invalid. He may or may not care about that.
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

He will also not be able to participate in the sacraments.

I think you guys need to have a long, serious heart-to-heart about the role of religion in your marriage (not just at your wedding). If you have already had one (or more), I think you need to have another. As it stands, he is planning to participate in a sacrament and promise to do everything in his power to raise his children in the Catholic Church. Is he doing this because those are his convictions? If he does not plan to continue practicing the faith, and if he does not plan to actively try to raise his children in the Church, I don't know if the Church is the right place for you to get married.

It's not easy, because I don't want to discourage a Catholic from marrying in the Church. I just have concerns about your religious differences.

ashleyallen1708 · May 2011

We had just moved before we got engaged. The church I had belonged to is to far away to attend. I haven't yet found a church I am very comfortable in yet. My chidren do go to sunday school at St. Paul however I don't feel like I want to be members there. We decided to ask the Father at Cabrini where Fiance grew up. His family doesn't attend there anymore and neither does he. in fact he doesn't go to church much at all. We were told to "try our best" to raise our children catholic. We told our mentor couple we would talk more about it as we cross that road. We wanted to get married in a church and this was what made the most sence. We aren't going to change it now 3 months before the ceremony. We are doing everything to prepare for a catholic marriage. We want God in our lives and don't feel our different faiths will hinder a happy life together. We are both Christians.

doctabroccoli · May 2011

Just so you know - The priest will most likely ask you DURING YOUR CEREMONY if you promise to raise your children Catholic. This is standard practice, as far as I know. So, don't be alarmed when that question comes up.

MopsieB · May 2011

My dad is Presbytarian and my mom is Catholic. They were married in a community church 45 years ago and then privately, so that their marriage was recognized by my mother's church, in a Catholic ceremony. Originally, my brother was to become a Catholic while I attended Preby church with my dad. But I didn't like it and my dad wasn't very devout so I converted myself when I was nine. I spent an entire summer studying with a priest so that I was ready to join CCD with my grade that fall. Now I am marrying a Catholic and we're having a Catholic wedding. My father stopped going to church completely 30+ years ago. The point is, I think the kid is going to gravitate towards the religion whichever parent is most devout in. My p's solution seemed like a good idea. Why not get married in a community/non-denominational ceremony and then do what you have to do privately for your own faith, later?

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