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Help combining clashing wedding traditions in an interfaith ceremony? (Catholic / Jewish)

ruthervrutherv
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Hi,
My fiancée and I consider ourselves spiritual but not religious - however, we are trying to honor both Catholic (my side) and Jewish (his side) wedding traditions in our ceremony, because they're important to our parents. (Neither of our parents are particularly religious - but they're very attached to the wedding traditions they grew up with.)

Unfortunately, some of these traditions are clashing and causing conflicts - wondering how other brides having an interfaith wedding are handling this?

In a Jewish wedding, it's traditional for the groom and the bride to walk down the aisle accompanied by both of their parents; my fiancée will be walking with his mom and dad. I think that's a lovely tradition and I asked my parents if they'd like to both 'give me away' too - since they've both raised me and I'm close to both of them?

However, my dad is very attached to the Christian tradition of just the father walking the bride down the aisle, and my mom says she doesn't want to 'steal his thunder.'
I'm concerned that, if my fiancée is accompanied by both his parents, but I'm just accompanied by my dad - my mom will look and feel very left out of the ceremony. My mom has voiced that she's concerned about this - but she still says she doesn't want to walk with me, worrying it would hurt my dad's feelings.

I'm wondering if there are other ways that I could honor my mom and give her a special role in the procession as the mother of the bride, even if my parents want to stick to their father-only tradition?

Also my parents are adamant about the tradition / taboo of the groom not seeing the bride before the ceremony. However, in the Jewish tradition, the couple signs the Ketubah in their wedding attire before the ceremony. Also, my fiancée and I want to take pictures before the ceremony, since we don't think there will be enough time during cocktail hour. My parents are really upset about this - but I don't see any way around it, given the time limitations imposed by our venue.

Does anyone have any creative solutions on how to handle stuff like this?

I really, really appreciate any feedback!

Thanks so much everyone! And good luck with your own wedding planning!
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Re: Help combining clashing wedding traditions in an interfaith ceremony? (Catholic / Jewish)

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    GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Try posting this on the interfaith board.  It is to the left under Cultural Wedding Boards.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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    ruthervrutherv
    First Comment
    Thank you!
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    ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In oldest Jewish tradition, the bride's male representatives signed the ketubah. She did not. I still haven't decided whether I will sign mine.

    We're doing a nuptial Mass with chuppah and glass breaking, with a ketubah signing before. Trying to do some Jewish things at the reception. We're serving chopped liver, but we're also serving pork.
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    monkeysipmonkeysip member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    @ ruth

    I know you said that you parents aren't super religious, but for the record, the traditional catholic tradition was for the bride and groom to walk together.  The father walking the bride down is not a christian invention.

    Of course, I say do what you and your fiance want in this regard.  I'm just saying that neither the bride and father or the bride/father/mother scenarios are more christian than the other. 

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    mbuckley85mbuckley85 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    We have the same situation as you.  Here's what we are doing.

    Processing:

    His parents process together- />are seated
    My mother processes alone, joined half-way by a groomsman- />is seated
    Bridesmaids/MOH/Ring bearer/Flower girl process
    I process with my father

    FI will already be standing at the front of the room with the guys.

    It was really important to both of us to not see each other before the ceremony (his parents totally don't get that).  He therefore, could not process with them because it would put us both in the back of the room at the same time.

    The way I see it, FI is the third kid to get married.  His parents have had it "their way" twice already.  I'm the first to get married and my parents have a specific way they are used to seeing it.

    We are breaking the glass at the end of the ceremony.  We are also trying to get his rabbi to do a blessing during the ceremony.  From what I have heard though, this particular rabbi has backed out of some commitments in FI's family after he agreed to them, so even though he has "penciled us in" for the wedding day, I'm not holding my breath that he will actually be there.  I already told FI that I don't care if the rabbi is there or not and if he screws with us, there will be no rabbi.  I will not tolerate his manipulative behavior, so if he wants to throw a hissy fit over how our ceremony isn't Jewish enough for him, he doesn't have to come.  FI agrees that we don't need his emotional blackmail on our wedding day and FI's parents are going to have to be happy with us receiving a blessing after shabbot service on the Friday before the wedding (we plan to do this whether the rabbi comes to the ceremony or not).

    We are also going to the breaking of the bread at the beginning of the reception.
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    Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_help-combining-clashing-wedding-traditions-in-an-interfaith-ceremony-catholic-jewish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:03c5f8c9-cfd4-466e-8384-2499401de66bPost:725aee81-b9c0-409d-8cb9-ec1bf864f97a">Re: Help combining clashing wedding traditions in an interfaith ceremony? (Catholic / Jewish)</a>:
    [QUOTE]@ ruth I know you said that you parents aren't super religious, but for the record, the <strong><font color="#0000ff">traditional catholic tradition</font></strong> was for the bride and groom to walk together.  The father walking the bride down is not a christian invention. Of course, I say do what you and your fiance want in this regard.  I'm just saying that neither the bride and father or the bride/father/mother scenarios are more christian than the other. 
    Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

    Interesting turn of phrase, I'm not sure what it means.

    Catholic <u>tradition</u> is that the bride and groom process together behind the priest, who is lead by cross bearer, altar servers and minister of the word.  Local (North American) <u>custom</u> has been that the bride is escorted by her father -- not given away (although a very small number include the Protestant tradition of asking "Who gives this woman," etc. in their Catholic wedding).
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