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WOW! (new here)

40Bride40Bride member
First Comment
in Second Weddings
So, FI and I are very recently engaged. This will be his second, my first. My parents are deceased as is his Dad, so we told his Mother. Her reaction? "Well, I sure hope you don't expect me to pay for anything - I did that once and look how that turned out". That was it - her complete reaction. Not a smile, not a kiss my butt, nothing! I could care less but I'm hearbroken for FI. Maybe if we tell her there will be free booze at the reception, she'll be happier. Just had to vent - thanks!
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Re: WOW! (new here)

  • CandyGirlSparksCandyGirlSparks member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, I'm so sorry! The things that come out of other people's mouths-particularly those who are supposed to care the most about us-completely astonishes me sometimes.

    I would ask if it's possible she was joking-I personally have a very dry, straight-faced sense of humor myself-but I'm assuming you know her well enough to know.

    What was your response? She must not know much about the groom's family's obligations where a wedding is concerned, or she'd know that the first time a woman marries, her family is supposed to pay for the wedding and the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner. That's not a whole lot to pay for IMO. When I got married the first time my parents paid for the entire thing, as my ex is the youngest of 6 children, his father died when he was 5, and his mother never remarried. She simply couldn't afford to pay for anything, and actually may not have known she was supposed to.

    Anyway, I hate that that was the response you got. I hope it dawns her that she's supposed to say something nice.
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Sorry about the reaction......can't even call it a "lukewarm" reaction; that was just downright nasty.
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  • 40Bride40Bride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks - I really shouldn't have expected anything more. She's a bitter, old alcoholic. I'm just thrilled with the reaction I got from my Grandad (my only living relative). He went on and on about how proud my folks would be.....I could start crying all over again just thinking about it. Hopefully, that will be the worst of her dealings. I'm just so glad to (finally!!) be a knottie!!
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  • skyblondeskyblonde member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is my first wedding and my FI has been married before too.  We didn't get that reaction from his parents (they're glad he's marrying me), but the first thing all of his other relatives said was, "I hope you don't expect me to buy another gift!"  Yes, that's why we're getting married, we really need another stockpot.  Ugh.
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Awwwww for granddad!  I was watching Say Yes to the Dress yesterday and one of the brides had a g-father who was very ill and she was afraid he would not live long enough for her day.  (He did!)  Grandparents are very important.  My own dad passed away in October so I'm sad he won't be with us (in spirit he will).

    Don't let that harridan ruin any of this special time!
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  • CandyGirlSparksCandyGirlSparks member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_wow-new-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:b6063f7e-21a5-4a4a-ab0f-5047722f1399Post:3d0648d2-b2c2-463b-af2e-8514655ab90b">Re: WOW! (new here)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks - I really shouldn't have expected anything more. She's a bitter, old alcoholic. Posted by 40Bride[/QUOTE]

    Bitter, huh...that explains a lot. I learned the hard way yesterday that bitterness makes it hard for people to say ANYTHING nice. Some girl on another board was making fun of my impending wedding and I couldn't figure out why...turns out she's been trying to get pregnant and is infertile.

    In the South they teach us to say "My, my" instead of "F*** you." Lol.

    Don't let that old bat ruin your happiness in any way. I would keep her in the dark on everything, then she can't say anything else.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Naw, here in the South we say "Well, bless her heart!"  You can follow any insult with that and it makes it sound NICE.  "She is so ugly, bless her heart!" 

    Just keep using that phrase. You can even use it right to their faces!  "Well, what a rude thing for you to say! Bless your heart!"  and just say it in a sugar-sweet tone of voice.  I love the South. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • pamila51510pamila51510
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is no excuse for people that are like that! I wish it was ok to slap people when they say rude stuff!  
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the board!

    This is my first wedding, my fiance's THIRD. His Mom likes me, his grandma who turned 100 in January likes me, so I'm not getting the same reaction. But I know it can hurt, and the prior posters have given you good advice.

    Come here and vent and get good ideas to deal with stuff. It helps.

    Good luck.
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  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Awww, I'm so sorry to hear that!  That's sooo belittling of your relationship with your FI.  How awful.  I guess what you do is surround yourself with people (such as your grandfather) that are excited for you and happy to be involved.  I always tell my 13 year old to surround herself with people that make her feel good about herself.  Same applies here, I think.  She gets an invite, and no more.

    Handfast, I'm soooooooo going to go southern with "well bless her heart".  And I live in Canada!  New trend coming north!
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  • 40Bride40Bride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I *LOVE* the "bless her heart" suggestion!

    And, thanks to you all for a warm welcome. I'm still kind of smarting from her remark but I'm not going to let her interfere with my happiness. I've been planning my wedding since I was 6-years old and I'm going to enjoy every second of this!
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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi 40Bride~ Congrats, and welcome to the board.
    Sorry about that reaction. People are real a$$'s.

    Even though I am a northerner, born and raised, I am adopting the "she's so ugly, bless her heart" saying. I love it.

    Love you southern girls. Wink
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  • AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The "bless your heart" statement is SO true. I use it all the time. We call it the Southern Slam. Examples of proper usage:

    "Well bless your heart dear, i didn't realize this would make you unhappy."

    "She's had a difficult time enjoying the news, bless her heart."

    "We're excited about our future, I'm sorry that you are not, dear, God bless your heart."

    "She's experiencing a difficult phase in life. Bless her heart."

    When spoken TO the person, it needs to drip with sugar. Proper technique is important. They should walk away before realizing the jab they just took. ;-)
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  • nmauser82nmauser82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry for your fiance. I recieved the exact same reaction from my father when I told him of our engagement. Almost word for word. I can't express how much that hurt me. For the record, I had no intention of asking him to pay for anything. The assumption and the lack of enthusiasm is what hurt the most. I am not even sure if I will have him walk me down the isle now. All I can say is be there for him. He needs your love more than anything. Good luck.
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