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An Overstepping MOH?

jmalessajmalessa
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in Moms and Maids
My MOH loves to plan weddings. This is a great attribute to have in a MOH, but I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed by her. 

My MOH has started to contact venues and schedule tours of places before informing me about the place (even before I look at the venue's website). She sometimes ignores our wishes and contacts venues we have no interest in. For instance, we wanted an outdoor ceremony since the wedding will be in the summer, but she contacts venues that do not have outdoor ceremony sites.

And it's not just venues. She continues to overly voice her opinion regarding dresses (both my wedding dress and the bridesmaid dresses), centerpieces, and color schemes. It may sound silly, but I feel like it is no longer our wedding. 

I am starting to feel as though she is overstepping when it comes to the wedding planning, but I need an outside, unbiased opinion. What do you think? And if she is overstepping, how can I gently inform her of this?

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Re: An Overstepping MOH?

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    PetalPockets2012PetalPockets2012 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I would hold off on talking about the wedding with her for awhile. You and FI need to schedule your own appointments and look at venues by yourselves. Maybe mention that finding a venue is something you and FI want to do on your own. Then tell her how important it will be if she can come to ______.

    Try to schedule things the two of you can do that is unrelated to the wedding. Maybe let her make plans for girls night or something. Without knowing your friend or your situation I don't feel like I can say whether or not you should talk to her about overstepping. Good luck!
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    em01092em01092 member
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto PP on minimizing wedding talk. You need to stand up to her and tell her you appreciate the thought and effort, but you and your FI would like to take the reigns from here on out. 

    If she suggests something completely different from what you like/want, say, "Thank you for that suggestion, but we were thinking something more like_____." or "We've already chosen______." 

    Be firm and do not let her walk all over you. You can say, "That's not our style/what we want/what we can afford/etc." You don't have to trash her ideas or say that the flowers she likes are hideous or anything, just not what you like. 
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    jmalessajmalessa
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice PetalPockets and Em! :) I will definitely try to put my foot down a little more and make sure to keep it more about what my fiance and I want. 
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    gananoquegananoque
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    edited December 2011
    She is totally overstepping and I fully understand why you're annoyed by this. Agree with the others. Don't let her take over your wedding. Follow their advice. Be kind, but firm.

    She might respond to you sort of passively leaving her out of the conversation. Telling her that these are decisions you and your fiance want to make just the two of you is a great idea!
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    zitiqueenzitiqueen member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overstepping-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c5482125-4811-42eb-8c9d-ec62b6c405ebPost:a5ad3c42-e6d6-48d5-a072-8e484e6d9f42">Re: An Overstepping MOH?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto PP on minimizing wedding talk. You need to stand up to her and tell her you appreciate the thought and effort, but you and your FI would like to take the reigns from here on out. <strong> If she suggests something completely different from what you like/want, say, "Thank you for that suggestion, but we were thinking something more like_____." or "We've already chosen______."</strong>  Be firm and do not let her walk all over you. <strong>You can say, "That's not our style/what we want/what we can afford/etc."</strong> You don't have to trash her ideas or say that the flowers she likes are hideous or anything, just not what you like. 
    Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

    Actually this is the last thing you want to do. Just say "Thanks for the suggestion, we've got it covered." Lather, rinse, repeat.

    Saying "We were thinking something more like whatever," or "We've already chosen whatever" gives her the perfect opportunity to try to change your mind. Don't give her the ammunition she wants. Just thank her and move on.
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    em01092em01092 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overstepping-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c5482125-4811-42eb-8c9d-ec62b6c405ebPost:81e1034b-708d-4cf3-8364-c4206e744922">Re: An Overstepping MOH?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: An Overstepping MOH? : Actually this is the last thing you want to do. Just say "Thanks for the suggestion, we've got it covered." Lather, rinse, repeat. Saying "We were thinking something more like whatever," or "<strong>We've already chosen whatever" gives her the perfect opportunity to try to change your mind.</strong> Don't give her the ammunition she wants. Just thank her and move on.
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

    <div>It worked for me. If you don't ever tell her you've chosen something, she may not think you have decided and keep giving you suggestions. If you let her know your mind is made, maybe she'll stop. Or if she does keep talking, just keep smiling and nodding. Rinse and repeat. </div>
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