I no longer want my mother to be apart of my life. She has offered to help out with a small portion of the wedding and pay for my dress. But this is not about money. We have always had a very dicey relationship where we could spend less than a few hours together without wanting to kill eachother or ending up in a public screaming match. Things have gotten much better over the years since I have moved out of her house and away from her, but because of the wedding planning we were spending more time together, and that has made it clear how toxic our relationship is to both of us. She has never been completely stable, and memories from youth pretty much prevent me from being emotionally stable around her (I'm like a cry baby sometimes, lol).
However, this last encounter has made me think I do not want her apart of my life, now or in the future. It was far more intense than a screaming match and she began beating herself (physically hitting herself) screaming why would I do that to her. Although scary, and completely off the handle, this is what she was like when I was growing up in her house. This is not the first time I have seen her act like this, although it was the first time in a while.
I do not want her at my wedding, I do not want her in my life. But I know cutting your mother out of your life sounds like a horrible thing. I know it is hard to be a mother, and I know that she still did a lot for me when I was growing up. She kept me fed, and a roof over my head, and she worked very hard to do that mostly by herself. It is more than me being afraid she will make a scene at my wedding (although I am afraid of this), it is mostly me being afraid of her.
So comments, suggestions, advice? I'm lost, and I don't know what to do. I can't really talk to FI about it because he feels I should have stopped talking to her a long time ago, and hates the way she treats me even when she isn't insane. We can't do counseling, been there done that, it ended very badly. My aunt and grandma were afraid for me when I was younger, but don't understand that it is still like that sometimes, even though I am older now.
Is it ever okay to just walk away from family like that?