More venue woes!

jena.n.ross · December 2009

So it's been really hard getting Ross to understand that some things need to be booked NOW, because people start wedding planning up to a couple of years in advance. He doesn't understand my urgency.

Well, negotiations with Saltwater Farm fell through, a month of my time wasted. She just kept tacking on extra fees; every time we talked there were new fees.

So I'm kind of, well, more than kind of, I AM burned out on looking for a venue. I told Ross, guess what, it's your turn. And I know he's done a little bit of online research... But I was reading a friend's friend's blog on all the venue visits they did, and how they've booked (for the weekend I wanted, at a venue I was interested in), and that another venue I looked at (1812 Farm) is also booked the month of Oct....

I just kind of want to give up.

Or maybe put it off another year. I don't know.

krisdoug13 · December 2009

Don't give up! I'm sure you'll come up with something great!! May I ask why are you set on a specific date/weekend? Have you thought of maybe trying for the weekend before or after? As you said, you could wait a year...but do you really want to? Or are you settling for that out of disappointment? What if you had Ross help you look instead of taking it on by yourself or putting it on him? Then maybe in doing so he'll see how quickly venues can be booked and that you're not being obsessive/nagging/whatever.

If you're burned out..maybe take the rest of the year off? Start back up after the holidays? It maybe extra time wasted, but taking a break from it for a little while could let you put your disappointment & frustration behind you and give you new energy and excitment for it! Good luck!! It WILL work out in time!

jena.n.ross · December 2009

We've always talked about a fall wedding, and Columbus Day weekend is the only time I have off (school). And foliage is best from the tail end of September through October.

I've placed it firmly on his shoulders. Told him (a week or so ago) that I will pick back up later, but that it is now his responsibility to find a venue. I think he's spent a little time looking online, but he needs to call places and understand they're booking up.

Settling for 2011 would be just that for me, settling. It's a frustration thing.

I'm just so frustrated. He wanted the big wedding, and I'm stuck doing the planning and the worrying. And I love him, but if I leave details up to him, they'll never happen.

I'll give him a gentle reminder this week, and if there's no progress, give him the not-so-gentle one.

krisdoug13 · December 2009

Well that makes it tough! I'm in the same boat...with limited options for dates because of school! I agree, fall weddings are beautiful!! I would rather have a fall wedding, but with clinical rotations I don't know far enough in advance where I'll be when to plan a wedding...so summer it is!

I'd do the same..stay on him...and hopefully he'll catch on that it means a lot to you and it needs to get done pronto!! Good luck!

danieleandwayne · December 2009

Hi Ladies!

I'm Daniele from the Knot (married since Sept. 13th-- the weekend after I started nursing school!). I read this post and thought I would throw my 2 cents in to the fray. [:)]

I had a very similar problem when I was looking for my venue-- and it turned out fantastically. I was locked in to the date (due to my cousin's wedding the weekend before, my starting school, my free photographer's schedule, etc.), locked in to the basic area (reception in Portland), and of course-- constrained by money since MH and I were paying for it.

I really wanted an outdoor wedding-- preferably with a view of the ocean-- and I had my heart set on this one venue in Kennebunk but it was cost prohibitive. Eventually, and TOTALLY by chance, I found my venue (Bug Light Park!) for $50. Which freed me up to spend money on things like minimal flowers, a DJ, etc.

Oh-- and add to all this that I'm from Away and know NOTHING in the area, really... Hence-- my presence on The Knot!

So, my little tips to help you in your situation: 1) Sit down with FI and write down what you absolutely want/need for your wedding (outdoor venue, flowers, specific gown that costs "x" dollars, etc.); what you would love to have for your wedding but isn't a dealbreaker; and what you would like but won't cry about if you can't have/do it.
2) Make your budget up, designating areas that you're willing to spend more money on and the areas where you can cut corners realistically. THIS STEP INCLUDES AT LEAST A FAIRLY SOLID GUEST LIST/NUMBER.
3) Figure out what you can do on your own. Feel free to think outside the box (I made all my centerpieces out of themes of things MH and I like to do together-- no flowers, no candles, mostly stuff we had already around the house-- and we got the most compliments about our centerpieces than with any other item of decor). 4) Once you have 1-3 figured out, you are in a better place for choosing venues. The internet is fine, but in Maine-- the majority of places have a minimal, if any, presence on the web. You need to make phone calls, go to meetings/tours, etc. Sorry, Ross-- that's just the nature of the beast in Maine. You can either fight it and bluster about it and end up without a venue-- or you can tuck in and get the best deal on your favourite place.
5) Negotiate. It's a craptastic economy out there-- most places are willing to work with you. Some add on tons of fees to beat the downturn, but others are willing to go the extra mile. Find out how each venue handles things like cake cutting fees, do they charge by the room or by the head as many rooms as you need (the latter is a huge money saver!), bartender fees, etc.
6) Have someone come along for the ride-- someone preferably who planned his/her own wedding or was involved in event planning or the like. My sister was invaluable because she had done this before. My dad was crucial, because he paid for my sister's wedding and knew where every single penny had gone.

I ended up with a $50 outdoor cermenoy venue I loved (complete with lighthouse), a reception venue in Portland that was AWESOME to work with and totally affordable with no hidden fees (even gave me an indoor ceremony location in case of rain-- for free), a florist who worked with my $500 budget to give me a decorated arch (I supplied the tulle, she added some flowers for free), flowers for my bridal party, and who delivered everything and set it up on the site (including my shepherd's hooks and lanterns with lit candles that I provided); a DJ who gave us an awesome discount and FANTASTIC service; and the best day of my life for a price that wouldn't break the bank.

Hang in there-- you guys can do this. Ross will come around (even if it's kicking and screaming-- like MH did!) and you will have a gorgeous Big Day.

Good luck!

jena.n.ross · December 2009

If you don't mind, Daniele, would you share a picture or two from your ceremony with me? I'm having a hard time finding pictures of anything except the lighthouse. My email is kahlan_is_333@hotmail.com It sounds like a great idea!

kcole5244 · January 2010

Daniele - GREAT feedback... I have heard other great things about bug like park. I might look into it. If you don't mind, where was your reception? I am going through the same process of finding the perfect venue, and you seem to be really happy with yours, I'd love to be able to hear as many options as possible!

Thanks!

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