RSVP Cards - (or lack thereof)

hawkeyes00 · October 2010

Our rsvp cards have a reply by date of November 5th (this coming friday). I was wondering what everybody is doing to follow-up with the people who have not returned theirs after the date?

E-mail / call people? or what?

tidetravel · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-cards-lack-thereof?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:413d7db8-790b-4529-b9e2-ea8011d1c8ecPost:d3b91954-1c04-4cc9-9da6-1d526fad97bf">RSVP Cards - (or lack thereof)</a>:
[QUOTE]Our rsvp cards have a reply by date of November 5th (this coming friday). I was wondering what everybody is doing to follow-up with the people who have not returned theirs after the date? E-mail / call people? or what?
Posted by hawkeyes00[/QUOTE]

Call the people that you haven't heard from.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

Call them or get ahold of them in any way that you can. Your caterer will likely need a final head count about 2 wks before.

Kate61487 · October 2010

I'd wait a week after the deadline, then contact them how you normally would. i.e. if it's a friend from college that you Facebook message or text often I'd think that's acceptable. Your aunt Edna, however, who doesn't check her email often, should get a call.

Beachy730 · October 2010

Wait at least a few days after the deadline for cards that are lost in the mail. Also many people look at the RSVP date as the date they need to mail it by. After that, call the people whose cards are missing. You can split the list and have your FI call people from his side if you want or your FMIL.

SaraAndrew2010 · October 2010

Many of your guests probably haven't replied yet because you made your RSVP date nearly two months before your wedding. Any particular reason that you have a Nov. 5 RSVP deadline for a NYE wedding?

banana468 · October 2010

Holy moly why is your response date so early??

If you're not getting married until NYE, why on Earth is your response date Nov 5??

MyNameIsNot · October 2010

Your RSVP date is 2 months before the wedding?

You're going to be chasing down most of your guest list. That is way too early.

Kristin789 · October 2010

>>Many of your guests probably haven't replied yet because you made your RSVP date nearly two months before your wedding.

This exactly.
The people you've invited have gone to many weddings, and they know that the traditional RSVP is 3 weeks in advance, because the venue needs a soft number two weeks out, and a hard number one week out. See below. So your guests DO plan to RSVP, but not this early. They think it's totally pretentious for you to demand that someone reserve special time for you that far in advance.

Q.How far in advance should you send invitations? What is the proper date to ask for the reply card?
A. Invitations should go out six weeks before the wedding -- that gives guests plenty of time to clear their schedules for the day and make travel arrangements if they are out-of-towners. It also lets you make the RSVP date a little earlier -- say three weeks before the wedding date -- so you can get a final head count and start making a seating chart (if you'll have one) before the final-week-before-the-wedding crunch begins.

hawkeyes00 · October 2010

pretentious seems a little harsh when we have to give a hard number to our caterer a month before our event - which is three weeks after the rsvp due date. and i was told by many of my friends who were already married that it will take a few weeks after the rsvp due date to collect everybody who hasn't returned theirs yet.

thank you for not answering my actual question and jumping all over me regarding a wedding that you are not planning so you don't know deadlines MY vendors have given me.

if you have a suggestion regarding how to follow up with people - i'd love your advice - since that is what i asked, being called "pretentious" for asking advice seems like you need to find something better to do with your time rather than digging on people you don't even know.

thanks for being so understanding while i'm already stressed out...

SaraAndrew2010 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-cards-lack-thereof?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:413d7db8-790b-4529-b9e2-ea8011d1c8ecPost:826f44f7-1abb-40f5-928f-e5ac708ae31d">Re: RSVP Cards - (or lack thereof)</a>:
[QUOTE]pretentious seems a little harsh when we have to give a hard number to our caterer a month before our event - which is three weeks after the rsvp due date. and i was told by many of my friends who were already married that it will take a few weeks after the rsvp due date to collect everybody who hasn't returned theirs yet. thank you for not answering my actual question and jumping all over me regarding a wedding that you are not planning so you don't know deadlines MY vendors have given me. if you have a suggestion regarding how to follow up with people - i'd love your advice - since that is what i asked, being called "pretentious" for asking advice seems like you need to find something better to do with your time rather than digging on people you don't even know. thanks for being so understanding while i'm already stressed out...
Posted by hawkeyes00[/QUOTE]

1. I would not have chosen a vendor that requires a headcount a month in advance. That is highly unusual; most only need a week or two. When you picked a vendor with unreasonable demands you should have considered how it would effect your guests and your ability to collect RSVPs.

2. You don't need 3 weeks to track down stray RSVPs. It can be done in around a week. More time may make it easier on you but is more difficult for your guests.

3. Plenty of people answered your original question. However, it is completely legitimate to comment on how you created your own problem. Hopefully other brides will read this and learn from your mistake.

hawkeyes00 · October 2010

i will never understand why the girls (most of whom were married a LONG time ago) are so mean on this board. it would be nice to have a board dedicated to actual etiquette not rude girls with nothing better to do than rip on people.

if you can't say something nice- don't say anything at all.

so many other boards discuss how snarky the girls are on this particular board.

i wish they could make a etiquette board for all the brides who haven't moved past their wedding that happened a long time ago and enjoy being mean for no particular reason to people they don't even know - and an etiquette board for people who actually want to discuss etiquette.

kathrynhabibti · October 2010

[QUOTE]i will never understand why the girls (most of whom were married a LONG time ago) are so mean on this board. it would be nice to have a board dedicated to actual etiquette not rude girls with nothing better to do than rip on people. if you can't say something nice- don't say anything at all. so many other boards discuss how snarky the girls are on this particular board. <strong>i wish they could make a etiquette board for all the brides who haven't moved past their wedding that happened a long time ago</strong> and enjoy being mean for no particular reason to people they don't even know - and an etiquette board for people who actually want to discuss etiquette.
Posted by hawkeyes00[/QUOTE]
Brides hanging around here on the Etiquette board after their weddings has nothing to do with "living in the past" or "not being able to let go", anything like that. Think of it this way: if you were pregnant, who would you rather have give you advice - someone who's already been through it, or the person who is where you are or behind?

Etiquette was discussed here, you just didn't like the result of the discussion.

hawkeyes00 · October 2010

i'm not frustrated with the people that actually discussed etiquette - it's the ones that questioned my dates on things, which had nothing to do with what i was asking. clearly by this point my invitations have already been mailed, so it's completely just to be rude that anybody would bring up a date that is already printed on a card that has already arrived at guests houses.

it is also "pretentious" (kristin789) to assume you know what my guests are "all thinking" as you say. (unless of course you know each of them - which i'm assuming you dont') so speaking of "pretentious"

and actually i'd rather hear from more current brides than ones from 2006 and 2007.

i'm assuming though, but how rude they are on here - and that they probably assume they know best so they're doing all the current brides some sort of "favor" by gracing us with their opinions - that this is really one of the more important things they have going in their actual lives.

it's sad that SEVERAL of the other boards always reference how rude the gals are on this particular board...if you all act like this on here, i hope you are much more polite in your actual lives. rude never did anybody any good -

kathrynhabibti · October 2010

[QUOTE]i'm not frustrated with the people that actually discussed etiquette - it's the ones that questioned my dates on things, which had nothing to do with what i was asking. clearly by this point my invitations have already been mailed, so it's completely just to be rude that anybody would bring up a date that is already printed on a card that has already arrived at guests houses. it is also "pretentious" (kristin789) to assume you know what my guests are "all thinking" as you say. (unless of course you know each of them - which i'm assuming you dont') so speaking of "pretentious" and actually i'd rather hear from more current brides than ones from 2006 and 2007. i'm assuming though, but how rude they are on here - and that they probably assume they know best so they're doing all the current brides some sort of "favor" by gracing us with their opinions - that this is really one of the more important things they have going in their actual lives. it's sad that SEVERAL of the other boards always reference how rude the gals are on this particular board...if you all act like this on here, i hope you are much more polite in your actual lives. rude never did anybody any good -
Posted by hawkeyes00[/QUOTE]
I'll agree that asking about the date is a bit odd and pointless by this point - the horse is out of the barn by now, and I don't pretend to understand why some venues have absurdly long RSVP dates, so... I just take that for what it is.

But many people, myself included, take understandable exception to the assumption (you know, that thing that you didn't care for Kristin doing? that thing that you are doing now?) that brides who have done it already and are still here feel as though they're bestowing some sort of honor by still being here, giving advice, and that this is one of the more important things in their lives. Have you ever considered that perhaps they've just plain formed bonds with other women while they were doing their own wedding planning, and they just like it here? Why should Etiquette - any board on TK really - have to be purely functional?

Also, seriously? There's not all that much difference between a bride from 2006-2007 and one from 2009. You're just being nitpicky. And this is an international board so you don't get to choose who responds. That includes brides from the 1970s, to last month's bride.

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