Chit Chat

Are you disappointed in your FMIL's wedding interest...?

When I began this process I thought that my mother-in-law and I might share the experience a bit.  She has no daughter, I have no mother...and everyone (including my fiance) tell me how much alike she and I are.
BUT- she does not seem interested in the wedding at all. 

I've known this now for a few months, but last night it started to bug me.  Yea, I do long for a mother to share this with...and it was silly and perhaps wrong of me to think I could have a tiny bit of that with my FMIL...but it annoys me frankly that she is so ... underwhelmed by the details.

How involved (or not involved) is your FMIL?  Do you even want her involved?

judge the non-traditional, pop their happy little wedding balloons... and sleep better tonight for you have made the world a better place.

Re: Are you disappointed in your FMIL's wedding interest...?

  • My FMIL and I have problems, so it's probably good that she doesn't offer too many suggestions.  Sometimes I wish she did...but 98% of the time I'm happy with how it is =]

    image

    ***raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways***
    oh noes, sweetpea UPDATED her planning bio

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  • My FMIL's involvement level has been pretty much what I want.  She asks if there's anything she can do to help, and she went with us when we looked at venues, which was nice.  She doesn't really bug me or express opinions we haven't asked for.  I don't need an extra person trying to get involved in colors and flowers and stuff like that.
    Married 10/2/10
  • I'm somewhere between the last two answers... my FMIL loves to run things... and she is trying very hard to restrain herself, so I have to give her credit.  She asked me if she could plan the rehearsal dinner, so I am letting her have free rein there.
    image
    murrayed
  • My MIL was a pushy bitch during wedding planning.  I wish she would've gone away.  I had no desire to share the experience with her.

  • I feel the same way about my FMIL. She's talked to FI and said that she would like to help buy the flowers. She doesn't have a daughter either so I figured she would be more excited and want to be involved in planning atleast for the things that shes' going to help with...not the case.
  • I adore my FMIL, and she's very active in wedding planning, without being overbearing. She's been a huge help with a lot of things (she printed invites, RSVPs, she's making the programs, and the OOT bags, and any other of things) and I've really appreciated the extra sounding board. Granted, there are times and ideas that she's had (we don't need tulle ANYWHERE) that I've had to tell her no, but for the most part it's been great.

    And I'm in a similar situation. She has 2 sons (I'm marrying her youngest, and he's the first to get married) and my mother passed away almost 3 years ago so I don't have her to plan with.


  • My FMIL is so sweet - I wish she would be more involved but I think she's trying to stay out of the way because I DO have a mother - a mother who drives me insane lol. This has given me the idea though that I should bring it up to FMIL and invite her to do more wedding stuff with me. Maybe if you just sit down and tell her how much it would mean to you, she'd understand?
  • FMIL is not interested at all.  The wedding is 3 months away and she hasn't even asked about anything.  I waffle between being turned off by her and happy about it.  I do wish she was more involved more often than not.  I know she's happy, but she hasn't even asked about my dress.  It's just weird.
  • Ok I know this isn't the purpose of the question, but have you invited your FMIL to get involved in specific ways?  Mothers of the groom are typically told to "wear beige and show up," so she might think you don't WANT her to have an input. Even if you've said you want her opinions, she might think you're just being nice. Ask for her help on a couple projects that you think might interest her, and maybe she'll get more involved!
  • FMIL is great.  She asks a few questions about the wedding planning when we see each other, but she doesn't try to take control.  She offered to interview caterers with us, but FI and I had that handled.  She and FFIL are planning and hosting the RD, which is a HUGE help.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_disappointed-fmils-wedding-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:581b9ca6-b040-4126-aa44-31b7e60018e0Post:f20fed71-0b08-440c-b8d9-b812d337dca1">Re: Are you disappointed in your FMIL's wedding interest...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]FMIL is great.  She asks a few questions about the wedding planning when we see each other, but she doesn't try to take control.  She offered to interview caterers with us, but FI and I had that handled.  She and FFIL are planning and hosting the RD, which is a HUGE help.
    Posted by jenn.daniel[/QUOTE]

    She sounds perfect!!!!
    This would be plenty of help and sooooooooo sweet really. At least compared to what I'm getting.
    =)
    judge the non-traditional, pop their happy little wedding balloons... and sleep better tonight for you have made the world a better place.
  • edited March 2010
    Can't vote in the poll....You don't have an choice that fits my answer.

    My FMIL has been nothing but rude and misserable to deal with. The first thing she told me and her son when we got engaged was (towards me) "Your Parents are paying for everything". Then she told me that we should just get married at the court house and not waste all this money, and then in the same conversation she said "Heidi (her daughter) has to wait at least another 20 years so we can become rich and pay for her wedding". Then we got into a huge fight and she was like " You think you have to have a $50,000 wedding." I told her no we are only planning on spending $10,000 or less." She kept on well how to you plan on paying for it. So needless to say it's been a terrible time. We haven't asked his family for any help at all. I am doing a lot of the stuff myself to cut costs and my sister has offered to help with things as well.
  • My FMIL has been totally univolved with everything. It was like pulling teeth just to get a list of people on her side of the family to invite. She never even ended up putting one together, just gave us her address book to go through and we could pick people out. I feel bad because I knew absolutely nothing about her family and who was who and my fiance wasn't much more knowledgable, so we probably missed people!
    My fiance and I moved into our apartment last October and his mother visited for the first time this February, even though she lives less than 10 minutes away! We had some of the table decorations out when she came over, and when she saw them she asked "Did you go to a wedding?" HAHA! No, that's for OUR wedding!
  • I couldn't find a box for "She's not remotely involved, and that's awesome."
  • My FMIL and FFIL have been fantastic!

    They live in NC and we are in NH so there is some limit as to what they can be involved with.  She has given us the deposit for the venue and has offered to pay for the RD, which is extremely generous and completely unexpected.

    My mother on the other hand, pretty uninvolved and uninterested. Which is sad but probably for the best!

    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_disappointed-fmils-wedding-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:581b9ca6-b040-4126-aa44-31b7e60018e0Post:0006bbea-c238-45a2-a854-74b0e5293643">Re: Are you disappointed in your FMIL's wedding interest...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]There isn't an option for MIL is deceased, so I cant' answer the poll.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Ditto.
  • Whenever she'd bring up a wedding subject, we would briefly talk about it and then she'd turn the conversation to herself and non-wedding talk.  I just stopped entertaining the wedding talk because she really didn't seem interested.
    image
  • There's so much else going on in my FI's family right now, his mom is totally preoccupied.  Honestly, I don't mind it: We have totally different tastes, and she takes it personally when I don't agree with her opinions, so it's just better overall that I'm doing most everything on my own.  She lives pretty far away too.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_disappointed-fmils-wedding-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:581b9ca6-b040-4126-aa44-31b7e60018e0Post:d902ff4b-5196-480d-a490-8fe3f1d6aeff">Are you disappointed in your FMIL's wedding interest...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]When I began this process I thought that my mother-in-law and I might share the experience a bit.  She has no daughter, I have no mother...and everyone (including my fiance) tell me how much alike she and I are. BUT- she does not seem interested in the wedding at all.  I've known this now for a few months, but last night it started to bug me.  Yea, I do long for a mother to share this with...and it was silly and perhaps wrong of me to think I could have a tiny bit of that with my FMIL...but it annoys me frankly that she is so ... underwhelmed by the details. How involved (or not involved) is your FMIL?  Do you even want her involved?
    Posted by Festiva[/QUOTE]

    My FMIL is not involved at all and i'm glad. she and i used to be very close but she got upset with me one day over something that i thought was very disrespectful. i tried to make peace and offer her to come dress shopping she glady accepted then went MIA....
  • my FMIL has showed NEGATIVE interest in this wedding.  FI's parents haven't even offered to pay for anything. my parents are paying for absolutely everything. grrr.

    during wedding planning i asked for: the guest list and wedding pics of family members of FI's side.  One week to go and i'm still holding my breath.

    Last week, she even had the nerve to say "this is the easiest wedding i've ever planned!"  - are you kidding me lady?!  i could've decked her.....
  • I wish my FMIL would be less annoying, uh I mean involved lol. I wish my mom would be more involved, but she lives 2000 miles away..
  • i have been very disappointed by my FMIL's lack of interest. she and i are not especially close, though FH and i have been together a long time. she and i have nothing in common. we went to visit her for a week in winter and i had thought she'd ask lots of questions about the wedding, but she didn't. and every time i brought up something wedding-related she'd clearly be uninterested. and i'm not the kind of person who's wedding-obsessed so it's not like i talked about nothing but the wedding. she just doesn't really care. the only thing she has expressed the slightest interest is in the music, which she berated us about 20 times because at FH's brother's wedding the music was blasting the whole night and her friends complained. uh yeah, we got you the first 15 times.
  • My FMIL is a little distant, but it's mostly 'cause she's busy working most of the time and I hate to bother her when she's out there making ends meet...

    Not sure if it applies to you or to me, but I heard someone say once, "When a daughter marries, you gain a son. When a son marries, you become the other woman."  Perhaps that's a factor in FMIL conflict...?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I wish there was an "other" option.

    My FMIL has no daughters and is very interested and loves to hear all about what I am doing, but she has yet to voice a negative opinion on ANY part of what I have decided.  I love that she is so supportive and have no problem sharing all the details with her. 

    I'm pretty lucky.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
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  • I definitely think my FMIL feels like she's losing a son: He's the one in the family she's always gone to when her other kids were frustrating her (to vent, to bounce ideas off of, etc.).  He's the levelheaded one (which is one of the reasons I love him) but I've always thought his mom and others in his family take advantage of him sometimes.  I can't really tell how she feels about the wedding, but I'm sure she's not thrilled I'll be taking up a lot of his time! :)
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