• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding

The story is: my best friend is having a court house wedding then in a year she is having a real wedding. Do i get her a gift for both or just one and if one which one? Please help, its in three weeks!!!

Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding

  • If you want to give her a gift, give it after the courthouse wedding. That is her real wedding. 

    TBH, I probably wouldn't make any huge effort to go to her vow renewal, and I would not give her a gift. Perhaps a card, but absolutely not a gift.
    image


    "I wish I could have sparkly tits every single day of my life." --MUNI
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    The story is: my best friend is having a court house wedding then in a year she is having a real wedding. Do i get her a gift for both or just one and if one which one? Please help, its in three weeks!!!
    Posted by jennkutz
    The courthouse wedding is the real wedding.  The event later is a fake wedding, or a vow renewal.

    I would give a gift immediately following the actual wedding.  I might give a card after the other event, but probably not.
  • When she gets married at the courthouse, that's her wedding.  Not the party she throws a year later--that's a vow renewal.  

    I always think its unfortunate that a lot of people don't consider a JOP wedding a "real" wedding.  I wouldn't give a present for both.

    I hope you tell your friend that it's in bad taste to have two "weddings" or whatever she's calling them.
  • What religion is she? Where will the religious wedding be? Some religions, in some places, require civil weddings before religious weddings. The Prince and Princess of Monaco are a high-profile example. In such instances, the later, religious wedding is considered "the real wedding."
  • Well, first of all, her court house wedding IS her real wedding. The second one is a vow renewal. I'd stick with just one gift, but I'm not sure when you'd give it to her.

  • Saying that her real wedding is occurring at a later date means that the courthouse wedding is a sham. Is she pretending to get married at the courthouse or is she really going through with it? If it's real, it's real. I'd get her a wedding gift at her wedding. Her wedding is the event shell be getting married at. I'm guessing that's the courthouse event? You don't need to get her a gift for a vow renewal that's taking place so soon after the wedding.
    image
  • In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    What religion is she? Where will the religious wedding be? Some religions, in some places, require civil weddings before religious weddings. The Prince and Princess of Monaco are a high-profile example. In such instances, the later, religious wedding is considered "the real wedding."
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne
    Considering that her ppd is a year later, I don't buy it. In situations like the one you describe, the ceremonies take place very close together, not a year apart.
    image
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding : Considering that her ppd is a year later, I don't buy it. In situations like the one you describe, the ceremonies take place very close together, not a year apart.
    Posted by GeauxTigers17
    Ditto.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • It depends on what you want to do and on your budget - you can get her whatever you want for either one - a nice card or gift for either of both will be nice. With gifths you shold just give what you can afford and what you think will be appreciated --
  • In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    What religion is she? Where will the religious wedding be? Some religions, in some places, require civil weddings before religious weddings. The Prince and Princess of Monaco are a high-profile example. In such instances, the later, religious wedding is considered "the real wedding."
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne
    That's Monaco.  If we're talking about a situation in the US then your argument is Swiss Cheese. 
  • haha, Swiss cheese.  Nice, Banana.
  • In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    What religion is she? Where will the religious wedding be? Some religions, in some places, require civil weddings before religious weddings. The Prince and Princess of Monaco are a high-profile example. In such instances, the later, religious wedding is considered "the real wedding."
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne
    Are you suggesting the OP's friend is the soon to be Princess of Monaco? 

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • 1. The US and Canada recognize religious ceremonies as valid for legal marriage, whereas many Central/South American and European countries do not.  

    2. In those countries, usually the civil and religious ceremony happen within days of each other, not a year.

    3. In those countries, people are not expected to give gifts for both the civil and religious ceremony. 

    4. Unless your friend is not living with her new husband and/or treating him like a roommate, she has decided to reap all the rewards of the legal wedding, and the second "wedding" is just for show and ego.  
  • Ok - I am part of a very diverse and intenational family/friend set just FYI:

    Not all religious ceremonies in the US are recognized - that is a huge generalization.

    In other countries the ceremonies can in fact happen within years of each other I have family members in other countries and it depends on each couple, their religion, etc - there is rule it has to be on the same weekend/day /month

    Religious ceremonies do count in other countries as a legal marriage depends on the institution and wether there is an official religion in the country.

    Show and ego - well I can't judge on that - live and let live
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    Ok - I am part of a very diverse and intenational family/friend set just FYI: Not all religious ceremonies in the US are recognized- that is a huge generalization. In other countries the ceremonies can in fact happen within years of each other I have family members in other countries and it depends on each couple, their religion, etc - there is rule it has to be on the same weekend/day /month Religious ceremonies do count in other countries as a legal marriage depends on the institution and wether there is an official religion in the country. Show and ego - well I can't judge on that - live and let live
    Posted by tally7
    99.9% religious ceremonies are legally recognized. Please give examples of those that are not, because I think you are just blowing hot air. Really. Give real life examples here in the USA, which the Courts haven't overturned.

    ETA: The rest of your post I think is hot air also, but I can't call your bluff on the rest of it ... yet (at least).

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding : 99.9% religious ceremonies are legally recognized. Please give examples of those that are not, because I think you are just blowing hot air. Really. Give real life examples here in the USA, which the Courts haven't overturned. ETA: The rest of your post I think is hot air also, but I can't call your bluff on the rest of it ... yet (at least).
    Posted by redheadfsu
    I also wonder

    The only regligous ceremony that would be invalid would be if the officiant didn't met the state's requirements for performing a ceremony.  I've seen it happen but only when the priest/minister/whatever is say from a different state.

    It's not valid is not because of the religion, it's because of the officiant.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding : I also wonder The only regligous ceremony that would be invalid would be if the officiant didn't met the state's requirements for performing a ceremony.  I've seen it happen but only when the priest/minister/whatever is say from a different state. It's not valid is not because of the religion, it's because of the officiant.
    Posted by lyndausvi
    Yep.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding : Yep.
    Posted by redheadfsu
    This.  MO for example requires the officiant to be in good standing with a church in MO, so my uncle, whose congregation was in MS, wouldn't be able to just drive to MO and marry us.  Nor would my friend who got ordained via mail/internet and has officiated in IL.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Honestly, SpecialK, give your friend a gift for her Ceremony, not the CH wedding.

    In a perfect world, we all get to have our beautiful, religious ceremony exactly when we want to, and it all works out just how it's supposed to according to tradition.

    Well, some of us don't get that option. I am Active duty military, and I am engaged to another Active Duty service member. We want soooo badly to just have our wedding ceremony, and do it the traditional way, but to do that would mean us getting stationed in two separate places first, and then hoping that our leave days match in order to have the ceremony, and then going through all the paperwork and red tape to get stationed together. So, ok, sure, maybe we are "reaping the benefits" by having the Court House marriage first, but just because we are military, and we get deployed, does that mean we are frowned upon because we are trying to insure we can stay together?

    My fiance and I plan on having a CH marriage when we get back from deployment, and plan on inviting our Soldiers and friends in the area to that. And then, once we move to our next duty station, and we have settled into our next unit, we plan on having our ceremony. But, we don't plan on me taking his last name until we have had our Vow Renewal in front of our friends, family, and the Lord. The Vow Renewal means so much to us, and I am certain that your friend feels the same way. If it were possible for her to have her Ceremony and have everything work out the way she dreamed of, I'm sure she would have done it. She obviously has a very good reason to do the CH wedding first. So, play along with it, and give a gift at the Ceremony, not the CH wedding.

    I really hope this helps. :)
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding : I also wonder The only regligous ceremony that would be invalid would be if the officiant didn't met the state's requirements for performing a ceremony.  I've seen it happen but only when the priest/minister/whatever is say from a different state. It's not valid is not because of the religion, it's because of the officiant.
    Posted by lyndausvi
    Or if it's something where the religion recognizes the marriage but the state doesn't.  Say, "marriage" to the third spouse in a religion that recognizes polygamy.  
  • In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding : 99.9% religious ceremonies are legally recognized. Please give examples of those that are not, because I think you are just blowing hot air. Really. Give real life examples here in the USA, which the Courts haven't overturned. ETA: The rest of your post I think is hot air also, but I can't call your bluff on the rest of it ... yet (at least).
    Posted by redheadfsu
    Quaker weddings.  There is no officiant in them, and they are only valid in the state of Pennsylvania.  There was another Knottie on here a while back who wanted to get married in this way but was worried because they were planning on moving to another state and would have to "get married" again.
    image image image image

    My Blog

    Anniversary

    100/100 books read in 2012
    17/100 books read in 2013
  • Well there are people who are part of religions that either do not have an official priest/etc, or an ordained officiant and are small religions - if you think all religions in the US are mainstream and recognized your are living in a part of the country where people are not part of alternative religions.

    Note:

    The celebrant, also known as the officiant, is the person who conducts the wedding. If the celebrant has the authority to declare the wedding legally binding, they are also known as a solemnizer. Unfortunately, many countries and US states make it difficult for weddings ceremonies to be legally recognized if they are not conducted by an ordained religious minister or government representative.



    Everying in my post is true, you may not agree with it, but its true - many cultures have many alternatives to wedding celebrations - not eveyone walks into a big church and a big dress and has only one ceremony --
  • In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding : Quaker weddings.  There is no officiant in them, and they are only valid in the state of Pennsylvania.  There was another Knottie on here a while back who wanted to get married in this way but was worried because they were planning on moving to another state and would have to "get married" again.
    Posted by sessionswedding
    Well, Florida recognizes Quaker marriages (and I thought all the other states do too). I don't know of a state that doesn't recognize it, so I would need more details.

    Plus, if the marriage is valid in the state they got married in, then it would be recognized elsewhere (as long as not illegal - like bigamy)

    In Response to Re: Court House Wedding and Then the real Wedding:
    Well there are people who are part of religions that either do not have an official priest/etc, or an ordained officiant and are small religions - if you think all religions in the US are mainstream and recognized your are living in a part of the country where people are not part of alternative religions. Note: The celebrant, also known as the officiant, is the person who conducts the wedding. If the celebrant has the authority to declare the wedding legally binding, they are also known as a solemnizer. Unfortunately, many countries and US states make it difficult for weddings ceremonies to be legally recognized if they are not conducted by an ordained religious minister or government representative. Everying in my post is true, you may not agree with it, but its true - many cultures have many alternatives to wedding celebrations - not eveyone walks into a big church and a big dress and has only one ceremony --
    Posted by tally7
    Well, if there is no officiant then that is a problem. I would like you to give examples, as I am not familiar with this and I would like to look at case law to double check that the courts haven't addressed this.

    But I don't understand why you couldn't just have a notary (or other person who can perform marriages in that state) be there witness the ceremony & sign the papers after the couple is done with their ceremony.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

    image
    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • For Quaker marriages, as long as they are performed in a state where they are valid, the marriage itself should be recognized in other states, even if they couldn't have that kind of ceremony in the state. There are many states that don't allow gay couples to wed in state ... but if those couples go to a state like Vermont, where it is legal, when they go back home, the marriage is recognized by the state they live in.

    Chances are, the couple in question is just looking for the benefits of being married, but still want to play dress up and have a fancy cake. If the second before you (general you) walk down the aisle on your Pretty Princess Day, you  or your FI decides that you want to break up with the other person, and you have to get divorced to actually make said break up happen, then you had your "real wedding" already.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • Thank you for your advice. She is marrying a military guy so it is like your situation! Thanks!
  • edited December 2011
    I find the wording of the post is offensive.   The real wedding is the court house wedding.  There are plenty of people who JOP and leave it at that, which is fine.

    Anyway, I would get the gift after the court house wedding assuming you will be in attendance.  If you are not attending the court house wedding, I would wait until you attend the renewal.  That's just me.  
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards