No time together to enjoy engagement. (long)

HoneyBunny678 · July 2010

I need a reality check. I think. My fiance proposed by taking me to a resturant andn surprising me with a ring at dinner, overall cute and memorable. The issue I keep having with how we got engaged is that right after the engagement (before dinner even ended) he insited that we call both families. My parents were happy and said see you & the ring this weekend. I said sure we'll see. His parents said see you after dinner, I said what and asked what do you mean we are not going to see you right after dinner. My fiance then took the phone from me, told his parents that we were still going to see them right after dinner just as he planned and for them to not listen to me. He then rushed me thru dinner and took me immediatly after dinner to his family house, where in addition to his parents his sister and her family were there too. As soon as we got there his nieces and nephews came up and said play with us - so he left the room. When I tried to follow him, both his sister and mother cornered me, and immediatly peppered me with questions about when we are planning wedding for and where, etc. After 1 hour they finally stopped enough for me to find him. I went to find him and said we needed to go, he said we didn't brought me back into the room with his family, then turned around and left agin. At that time his dad started asking me about grandchildren. I am so angry at my fiance, I feel like he abandoned me there with his family and I am not able to enjoy any of the engagement because of how it started. What am I to do?

loop0406 · July 2010

You can't do anything now. If when he proposed was cute & memorable, remember that. You can simply ask him to not do that again, to either stay by your side when visiting his family or to leave when you want to leave...

snwilson0416 · July 2010

To be honest, he sounds a little controlling and that's definitely something you should probably discuss with him for the future.

future-mrs · July 2010

I was going to say, I see some red flags already. That's something you might want to think about/discuss with him before anything else gets out of hand.

loves2shop4shoes · July 2010

Methinks he sounds controlling and inconsiderate. Run while you can...

janedoe1113a · July 2010

I agree that you need to sit down and talk with your FI about his behavior.

Jelenny · July 2010

maybe he was excited?

my Fi made me call my mom....I didn't want to say anything to anyone because i KNEW pandora's box would be opened and I was smitten (and had a full schedule that day) so I wanted to enjoy being engated...

however...there could be some red flags too....definitely talk to him

rubyjem00 · July 2010

He could have been excited but the fact that he wasn't listening to you or any of your concerns seems like an issue. I think that counseling is a must before you two get married (besides, I think it's a good idea in general).

PandaBurr · July 2010

I'd be pretty annoyed if FI completely disregarded what I had said, and told his parents to 'not listen to her'. Maybe he was really excited about it, but I think you need to ask yourself, "Does htis happen often when we disagree?" If it does, you guys really need to have a chat about his controlling behavior.

tpender13 · July 2010

Maybe he was just really excited and wanted to celebrate with his family, and was so blind with excitement that he didn't realize you were upset. Or maybe not.

I'd talk to him, and if you really think it was a one-time thing and not a big deal, let it go. Be honest with yourself, and if he really is controlling and didn't care about your feelings, then you have some serious things to think about.

banana468 · July 2010

Is he normally like this?

redheadfsu · July 2010

I agree, he sounds very controlling. Calmly talk to him. Hopefully this was excitement, but be careful.

desertmomnm · July 2010

Did you tell him why you wanted to leave, or just it's time to go? That could make a difference. You'll have a lot of alone time.

I didn't get a chance to enjoy mine either. We went to my parents' house to pick up my daughter. We told them (no ring) and my daughter threw a big fit. Later that evening when he went home, she sobbed and sobbed and took everything he had ever given her and put it in the hallway. She got better, but she definitely sucked the joy out of the evening.

kpwedkk · July 2010

[QUOTE]I need a reality check. I think. My fiance proposed by taking me to a resturant andn surprising me with a ring at dinner, overall cute and memorable. The issue I keep having with how we got engaged is that right after the engagement (before dinner even ended) he insited that we call both families. My parents were happy and said see you & the ring this weekend. I said sure we'll see. His parents said see you after dinner, I said what and asked what do you mean we are not going to see you right after dinner. My fiance then took the phone from me, told his parents that we were still going to see them right after dinner just as he planned and for them to not listen to me. He then rushed me thru dinner and took me immediatly after dinner to his family house, where in addition to his parents his sister and her family were there too. As soon as we got there his nieces and nephews came up and said play with us - so he left the room. When I tried to follow him, both his sister and mother cornered me, and immediatly peppered me with questions about when we are planning wedding for and where, etc. After 1 hour they finally stopped enough for me to find him. I went to find him and said we needed to go, he said we didn't brought me back into the room with his family, then turned around and left agin. At that time his dad started asking me about grandchildren. I am so angry at my fiance, I feel like he abandoned me there with his family and I am not able to enjoy any of the engagement because of how it started. What am I to do? [/QUOTE]

Have a talk with your fiance - is this behavior appropriate? Will it continue on? What really happened at your FMIL/FFIL's house - where did he go?

Take it one step at a time, and find out more about your fiance by talking with him. Let him know that it hurt your feelings to be left alone at his parent's house, without an explanation and take it from there.

mattycam · July 2010

I think it was excitement unless he is always like this??

meganyani · July 2010

hmm either he was oblivious and just super excited...or he doesnt seem to know you well. I'm very private and my FI would have never done something like that to me/us knowing this.

You need to have a talk, methinks.

PhiSigFly · July 2010

I am hoping it was his excitement. I can't imagine it's a regular thing, because you seem surprised by it.

I understand, a little bit, as to how you feel. We went for dinner and he proposed when we got home. It was romantic. However, he proposed at 10pm and his mother called at 10:02 to see why we hadn't called her yet. She knew the plan and, I suppose, thought he would have proposed earlier in the evening. He spoke with his mother and then I felt bad that his mother was the first to know, so I called my mother and then my father. Before you know it, everyone is calling/texting, and we had no time to enjoy the moment.

A few days later, I brought home a bottle of wine and we had a toast and little bit of a moment with dinner. It kinda made up for it...

mysticl · July 2010

Sounds like he probably told his family before and so they wanted you to come by afterwards and celebrate. He went ahead and planned it and the "don't listen to her" was because visiting them was part of the suprise in his mind. Of course his family conered you about the plans and grandchildren. People get so excited they forget that you haven't processed everything. I called my mom right after FI proposed. First she asked if we were really getting married or were just going to one of those couples who is engaged forever without ever getting married. Then she started to ask about plans, I kept having to say "we've only been engaged for 15 minutes". He might have though that this was girl talk time and he should make himself scarce.

You do need to talk to him about how you feel and get his side of the story. And really talk about why he wouldn't leave when you wanted to. But keep this in mind They aren't just his family anymore, they are yours too. It sounds like he is close to them and you obviously live nearby. You are going to see alot of these people, you need to be able to sit in a room with them and talk to them without him being there. You cannot expect him to sit next to you at every family event for the rest of your marriage.

Belle2Be · July 2010

Can someone point out the red flags here? All I read was the fiance playing with his nieces and nephews and the new future in-laws excited about their soon to be daughter in law. Did I miss something?

OP you need to work on communicating with your fiance. Needing to go and wanting to go may seem similar enough, but sometimes its not. If you wanted your guy to stay in the room and talk about wedding stuff, then you need to tell him, or at least tell his mom and make his mom get his butt in there. No offense, but this whole ordeal makes it seem like both of you are really young...

No time together to enjoy engagement. (long)

Re: No time together to enjoy engagement. (long)

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