September 2011 Weddings

instead of a dollar dance... (plus a mini vent)

so i went to a wedding where they didn't do a dollar dance or have clanking glasses for the couple to kiss (plastic glasses and utensils), but they had a big gong and you could give a dollar or 5 or whatever hit the gong and the couple would kiss. i thought this was a cute idea cuz we're not doing a dollar dance (and its not out of control hitting the glasses all night)...do you have any thoughts on what we could do thats not a gong, but the same idea?

ps we're having glasses and metal utensils, but would just make an announcement at the beginning that we'd only kiss when our thing is hit or whatever. AND STICK TO IT!!!

(so i posted this on the reception board and the girl is like "you can't charge your guests to do anything blah blah blah" and it wouldnt be "charging" because thats what a freakin dollar dance is too and ppl do that all the time! and i am not like "everyone HAS TO ring the gong (or whatever we have) so get in line and pull out the big bills!!!" UGHH! i am now only posting on here where everyone is nice!)

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Re: instead of a dollar dance... (plus a mini vent)

  • and i don't want a stupid gong...it was just an EXAMPLE. ay yi yi.

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  • i'm playing ignorance on this one....what is the point of these dollar dances and what not?  i've never heard of it until recently.  and what is the money that is collected used for?
  • i guess i don't even really know. every wedding ive been to had a dollar dance, but i thought i was kind of a waste of time when we could all be dancing, not taking turns dancing with the bride and groom. i don't even know if we would do what i had mentioned above i was just looking for suggestions haha...but im not even really sure what the point is, its just always been there! haha

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  • and i'm not a fan of the clanking glasses so this was my effort to somehow stop it :)

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  • Okay, something that was cuter than a gong and clinking glasses that can go well or not well that I have seen at two weddings is having people come up and tell stories about the couple (they could be any kind of stories not just couply stories) during t he reception. The last wedding I went to this went really well and a lot of people got up and told stories. The other wedding only two people got up and told stories but I think this is because the DJ did not do a good job of getting it quiet. People did not stop talking when people went up and told stories at the second wedding. I can't explain what each group did but its a good idea.

    Reese, I think a dollar dance is meant as a fundraiser for the couple. You pay to dance with the bride or groom. I have only been to one wedding (in Texas) where this one done and the grooms mom went and gave all her guests money to give them.

    Purple, what is the purpose of the gong/whatever. Are you doing this as a way to raise money or do you feel like you need to do something with money because your circle always does dollar dances and people will be upset if there is not something like a dollar dance? I can't quite tell from your OP.
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  • ya like raising money is nice, but more that everyone just does it! its not like frowned at in our little area of the country, or at least in my family haha. anyway i just don't like a dollar dance since it takes up like an hour of dance time, so i just thought something else money-y would be fun. instead of the traditional glasses thing that little kids start cuz theyre bored haha. so ya 2 birds with one stone i was thinking: no clanking glasses (hopefully) & no dollar dance.

    i really like the story idea!

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  • In Response to Re: instead of a dollar dance... (plus a mini vent):
    ya like raising money is nice, but more that everyone just does it! its not like frowned at in our little area of the country, or at least in my family haha. anyway i just don't like a dollar dance since it takes up like an hour of dance time, so i just thought something else money-y would be fun. instead of the traditional glasses thing that little kids start cuz theyre bored haha. so ya 2 birds with one stone i was thinking: no clanking glasses (hopefully) & no dollar dance. i really like the story idea!
    Posted by purpleXdandelion
    I figured this was the reason. This is the reason most people do dollar dances- grandma and grandpa expect it and who wants to hurt them. Can you do a shortened version? Otherwise I have nothing.
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  • the only thing i've ever seen that is somewhat related to this is  -  my friend did her bouquet toss and she put $50 in the bouquet.  i thought that was nice for the girl who caught it!

  • We're not doing the dollar dance.....just not going to do it.
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  • edited August 2010
    We aren't doing a dollar dance. I've been to 1 wedding that had one and thought it was kind of strange. But if it is something that is normal in your family/area why not!

    We will however have something at the table for people to make noise with to get us to kiss (my mother and my aunt insist). My Mom found this little bells that she is thinking of buying: http://www.orientaltrading.com/ui/browse/processRequest.do?demandPrefix=12&sku=32/181&mode=Searching&erec=5&D=wedding+bells&Ntt=wedding+bells&Ntk=all&Dx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&Ntx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&y=0&N=0&requestURI=processProductsCatalog&x=0&sd=Goldtone+Wedding+Bell+Place+Cards

    Reese: I love the idea of a $50 in the toss bouquet! It makes the whole bouquet toss  to the single ladies more exciting lol.
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  • ok im leaning toward not doing a dollar dance (or anything related) at all...maybe for alittle bit ahh who knows. its so far away! i am definitely putting money in my bouquet, awesome idea reese!!

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  • I've never been to a wedding where a dollar dance is done, it's not just popular here I guess. We plan on ignorning anyone and everyone who clangs on a glass for us to kiss.

    My aunt recently went to a wedding in Pittsburgh where they did the dollar dance and after you danced with the bride/groom you had to do a shot! That's one way to keep it short since most people won't want to take a shot.
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  • i have never heard of a dollar dance before till this post! sounds interesting. But still not doing it though. I dont mind the clinking every wedding ive gone to does it but as long as they dont do it all the time to me its ok but i think your idea is really cute though!
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  • i've ALWAYS hated the idea of dollar dances... whenever i saw that happen at a wedding people always seemed nervous and awkward about paying... if you don't want to do it, then don't do it!!! 

    at weddings where the couple are both deaf (such as FI and myself), the people wave their napkins instead of clinking their glasses because it's more visual since we can't hear the clinking glass. pretty soon you can't ignore everyone waving their napkins and then you have to kiss :)  i know this will soooo happen to FI and me, we have a few certain friends who are out to put us on the spot as much as possible so we'll just deal with it as the night goes on :) 
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  • loop0406loop0406
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    edited August 2010
    Every wedding I have been to has had the dollar dance.
    Usually the money is spent on honeymoon expenses/extra money/tips. My brother actually collected $2K at their wedding (most guests especially family give $100 bills). I have seen where they pin money on the dress/tux and also (the one we're doing) the MOH stands by bride, best man by groom in middle of dance floor holding a decorated money bag (yes, they have decorated bags - usally white with lace) and the guests line up, the females/males put the money in the bag and dance with the bride/groom for a few minutes and then next person etc...

    Shortly after that, the garter/bouquet toss take place.
  • i think if you're into it...then do it!  its your day.
    but if you dont think its necessary and you dont want to take the time away from your dance party...then i dont see any point.  esp if it has no meaning for you and your FI.  dont do anything at your wedding just b/c others expect you to do it.  again...its YOUR day.  =)
  • Please don't take my response wrong because its not meant to be mean, but here is what I think:

    I absolutely HATE the idea of dollar dances.  I think they are super tacky and to use the phrase "fundraiser for the couple" just irks me.  This isn't a party to see how much money people can donate to your new life together, its a party and celebration that you've found the person you want to start a life with.  Maybe a dollar dance would be fun for the couple, but if I was a guest, i'd just want it to be over so that we can go on partying and have fun the rest of the night.

    IMO, don't do it.
  • Before TK I had never heard of Dollar Dances.
    I have never actually seen one before but I have to agree with Love above me, I think it's tacky.
    If you don't want to do it then don't, don't look for a replacement.  The gong idea sounds okay so why not just do it and forget about the money.
    I agree that making your guests pay for anything at your wedding is kind of rude, dollar dance, cash bar, etc.  Of course I know in some places it's expected or normal but I don't think that makes it right.
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  • Dollar Dances are a  big thing in some cultures and incorperate other customs as well.  Thet were originally used when it was unacceptable to give cash as gifts, and it was meant to get the new couple started in their new life together.  Every wedding I've been to has had one, but some are done differently.  In a lot of Italian families the guests pin the dollars on the couple.  One of the Polish weddings we went to all the guests who danced with the bride circled around her and buried her, and the groom had to find her before they carried her away.  The dolalr dance is a really old custom that gets a lot of spins put on it.  The jury is still out on whether or not we're having one, but it may be another reason for a riot is we don't, since people like pinning things to others in my family.
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  • yea...a dollar dance is  def not my style, but i also think it has to do w/ where you're from. 
    i'm from the NY/NJ area and its just not heard of there.  there are some other little things too,  like for example: i'd never show up to an actual wedding reception with a boxed gift.  in the tri-state area - those registry gifts = shower gifts.  and then you bring a check or cash to the wedding as the wedding gift. 

    there's no right or wrong...its just what you're taught growing up.
    if i did a dollar dance at my wedding, my guests would be like "WTF are you doing???"  i personally think its strange to expect people to "donate" more money to the couple when they've already given shower gift & a wedding gift and in some cases, an engagement gift.
  • Ditto Zenjenn. It's completely a cultural/regional thing. Here in the midwest, most weddings I've been to have a dollar dance. FI really wants to do one, so we'll see. Yeah, it's a little tacky, but so are a lot of things that constitute "tradition". No one is "expected" to or "forced" to pay to dance with the couple, it's completely voluntary and a lot of the older generation guests really enjoy it, especially since it's a chance to dance one on one with the bride and groom when they're running around the rest of the night. Just don't mention it on the ettiquette board or you'll probably get your head bitten off :-/
  • First let me admit that I did not read all the responses so if this is a copy of someone --- oops!

    I saw your post on the other board and was annoyed... you didnt ask their opinion of dollar dances, just for alternatives for kissing, right? So.... with that clarified, I have heard a variety of alternatives for this... here are just a few, in no particular order

    -the bells
    -the table gets together and creates a poem or song
    -ignore them and they will eventually stop
    -kiss once and then stop so that it is not all night

    honestly, the last few weddings I have been to, this has not been a big issue, but i have been to othes where it was nonstop... sometimes guests are like kids and if you ignore them,they will stop it.

    Those are my 2 cents

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  • In Response to Re: instead of a dollar dance... (plus a mini vent):
    Please don't take my response wrong because its not meant to be mean, but here is what I think: I absolutely HATE the idea of dollar dances.  I think they are super tacky and to use the phrase "fundraiser for the couple" just irks me.  This isn't a party to see how much money people can donate to your new life together, its a party and celebration that you've found the person you want to start a life with.  Maybe a dollar dance would be fun for the couple, but if I was a guest, i'd just want it to be over so that we can go on partying and have fun the rest of the night. IMO, don't do it.
    Posted by Love is Bald
    this, don't mean to offend but I'm not a fan of asking my guests to give me money (also it's not traditional at all in my area).
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