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July 2012 Weddings
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Women were invited to my shower who weren't previously invited to my wedding....

butterflyjumper1butterflyjumper1
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in July 2012 Weddings

So, I have like 827637652 cousins (my grandma is one of 7 siblings and all of us are very close with our great aunts and uncles - and each other - even though we are all technically second and third cousins). 

I am inviting nearly all of our in-town counsins, aunts, uncles, and relatives to the wedding (other than the cousin who steals things and his sister, actually). One of my great aunts lives in Louisville, and so do lots and lots of my cousins down there. We don't see them very often, and aren't nearly as close with all of them, so we had planned on just inviting my great aunt who I am very close with + a guest to accompany her.

I just found out that my cousins who are hosting my shower have invited at least 3 of the Louisville female cousins to my shower who were not previously invited to the wedding.  Reading the other post about showers made me realize I need to do something about this...yikes. 

I guess I just need to suck it up and invite these ladies to the wedding....but if I invite them....then there are lots of other cousins who would be left out as well.

my family is so huge, that this is getting REALLY hard! My side of the guest list is so much bigger than my fiance's, it isn't even funny...

Thank you for letting me vent. I know that proper etiquette says that since they were invited to the shower, they should be invited to the wedding. It's just a tricky situation.

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Re: Women were invited to my shower who weren't previously invited to my wedding....

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    MeaganR12MeaganR12
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    ugh that sucks. 

    I follow etiquette pretty closely but there are some things that are definitely different depending on your circle/family. If you think they would understand being invited to your shower but not your wedding then I think you're fine. But really only you and your parents know how it would go over. Sorry you're dealing with this :-/
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    bridetobe71412bridetobe71412
    Combo Breaker First Comment

    Same thing happened to me, and I ended up adding the people to the wedding guest list to be safe. It's annoying but I figured it was better to send them the invitation than not. Some of them and/or most of them won't attend anyway.

    :( As Meagan said, though, if you think they won't be offended, and it's something that happens in your family/circle, then don't feel obligated to add them.

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    butterflyjumper1butterflyjumper1
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    Yeah...I am really not sure what to do about it. One of the ladies who was invited just got married within the past year or two, and NONE of us cousins in Indiana (or even our parents) were invited to her wedding.  Not that we are creating our guest list by invite-backs or anything, it's just that when out of town family gets married, it isn't expected in our family to invite everyone since we have such a massive family. It's just really awkward!

    I think I just need to have a chat with my mom about it and see what she thinks. bridetobe how many did you end up having to add to your guest list?? I am just worried that if we add two of them, we will end up needing to add all of them, and it will have this massive snowball effect on our budget.
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    bridetobe71412bridetobe71412
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I had to add 3 sets of couples (they were 3 family friends that my Mom invited who live in Philly). It was only 6 people (b/c of their husbands), but it was annoying because they are kind of random people whereas the rest of the guest list is pretty much close friends, aunts, cousins, and friends. I don't even know if they'll come to the shower or the wedding, but because they were invited to the shower, I added them to the wedding list.

    Talk with your mom! I think the fact that it's not expected with your very large family, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe they won't come to the shower, either?
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    butterflyjumper1butterflyjumper1
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    edited April 2012
    ohhhhhhh I totally know what you mean about random friends. I got in a fight with my parents about a random couple who they insisted on inviting because I found them to be so random and irrelevant to my life (but as my parents are paying for most of the wedding they obviously won that argument). 

    yea, I think I will just do whatever my mom says is best....Unfortunately, one of my cousins who I am fairly close to who is a lawyer down in KY already mentioned to me that she was planning on coming. I would be thrilled to invite her and her BF to the wedding...the issue is mostly that my mom and I felt like if we invited any of them, we would need to invite all of them. 

    THIS IS SO CONFUSING!

    At least I now have a pretty veil to stare at when I get home.
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