Maine

invite issue rant - long

Origianlly we did not have room for children. I don't really want children at the wedding excepting the two in the wedding party, but FI wanted his younger cousins there if possible. While we were trying to find an appropriate solution that would work for both of us and work for our space issue, we were reminded many times over that if we didn't invite FI's cousins, the cousins' mother (call her Gina) wouldn't be coming either. 

Meanwhile, that mother's sister (call her Sue) told us that her husband won't be coming (no real reason why) and if she can't bring her child (will be 9months as of the wedding) she won't come either. 

FI & I have been clear with each other: while I don't want any kids there, I'm willing to compromise on children who are 10 and up. Neither of us want babies there. Also, since we feel this way, we are hiring babysitters who will be on-site so that parents can come and not worry/pay for a sitter.

We communicate to Sue that we'll have babysitters, etc. Sue responds that "she's not comfortable leaving the baby." There aren't words for my frustration with this. Really? The baby is 9 months, not 9 days. My thought is that we're sorry she won't be attending, but that's her choice and not due to lack of trying to accommodate her on our part. 

We also communicated with Gina that we found a way to include the kids, but they will be eating dinner in a separate room. (We did not tell her the why: this gives me the child-free dinner I want and allows FI to have kids for dancing.) Gina hasn't responded at all. 

These cousins have totally un-ingratiated themselves in my eyes. I just really needed to get this out. 

Feel free to share your own daily rant! Thanks for listening/reading.
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Re: invite issue rant - long

  • edited December 2011
    You have behaved perfectly admirably IMO.  Don't let rude people get you down!
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  • edited December 2011
    I am not sure how close you (or I guess FI) is to these cousins, but I really don't understand why people think that making a big stink that they're not going to attend if their kids aren't invited is such a great threat.  I don't have kids yet, but I imagine that if I am invited to an event and cannot bring my baby/toddler/8-y-o/whatever, I will just politely decline if that's a dealbreaker for me, no matter what I think of the host's decision. 

    I wish there was more awareness about how to be a gracious guest when we're busy going out of our way to be a gracious host. 

  • sueslacksueslack
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    We had the same issue recently with my Aunt not coming because her grandson(who will be 9 months in September) can't come. I think you did everything right. Unfortunately, as much as we try to do the right thing and let people know ahead of time, put just the people's names on the invite who are invited, people just assume kids are invited. I would just let them know that because of space or budget, or whatever the reason, you won't be having children attend the wedding.
  • jelenybeanyjelenybeany
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pps...why do people think it's okay to threaten a bride and groom with not showing up, simply because it's preferred that children don't attend? It's insanely rude. The day is about the bride and groom and their families....why would some cousin (even if it is a close one) feel that it's acceptable to not only make a scene, but to also essentially threaten the hosts of a party she's been invited to?

    I have a four month old baby, and I'm not just saying this to agree with you Plato: if someone invited me to a party full of grown ups and said "you can bring your baby, we even have a sitter." I would be elated and buy you triple wedding presents. I love my son, but it would be so fabulous to have a grown up dinner and know that my baby was just in the next room being well taken care of.

    And even if you weren't including children, it's such a common wedding trend, one would think that adults could handle finding a sitter for their children, or, if they wish to not attend based on the exclusion of children, they would simply politely decline.

    ridiculous.
  • plato79plato79
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies for understanding! It was just a stressful weekend, wedding-wise. I was at my wits end this morning. 

    Slwager - thanks for the encouragement! I needed it today. :)

    Jessica - seriously, I would just politely decline if it were a dealbreaker for me. I agree that there aren't enough resources out there on how to be a gracious guest. 

    Sue - crazy that your aunt wouldn't come because of her grandson not being invited!

    Jeleny - LOL. I loved your post! Seriously, I know I'll be psyched about having a night out, especially if I didn't have to pay for the sitter. 

    Well I'm going to work out and destress. God knows I need it today! :P


    Wedding Countdown Ticker June 3, 2011!
  • edited December 2011
    Ooooh girl, you deserve to vent!  It is really sad sometimes how weddings really do bring out the worst in people.  I think you handled yourself correctly and are doing everything you can and should to create the situation and environment that you and your FI want.  If people cannot appreciate it, they can stay home and save you some $$$.  Hopefully they will recogonize that the day is not about them and still attend but if not, it is their loss!
    Married 9.4.11
  • plato79plato79
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    THanks CG. For real, I'm kind of secretly hoping that "Gina" won't come and won't bring her brood - it will save me from inviting 15 more kids on my side. 

    haha - I didn't even put the whole other discussion we were pressured by this weekend in the post. I just thought it would be too much to recount. Let's just say, I'm happy to dive back into finals. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker June 3, 2011!
  • schadbourneschadbourne
    500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    well i hear you because i got a txt a couple of days ago from my aunt about my grandmothers sister and husband saying "well i could get a discount at the hotel i am staying at if they are invited"....i would love to write back, i dont remember what they look like its been so long since ive seen them so no they can't come! But i am nice and will have to decide if i want to invite them or family friends ugh!

    and if she bothers you again you can so well because of x and x i can't have children at the wedding so its your choice to come or not come (say it nicely of course and then smile Laughing)
  • plato79plato79
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Oh man - chadbourne! No fun. Seriously, I think people either forget how expensive it was (or maybe don't realize how expensive it's gotten) and don't realize that the couple wants the event to have a certain ambience and that's their choice. 

    UPDATE: I got an email back from Gina - she'll be deciding next week, but I'm pretty sure that she'll be bringing them. :( I think FI knows I was disappointed; I totally wear my heart on my sleeve.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker June 3, 2011!
  • schadbourneschadbourne
    500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    plato at the end of the day i go by this saying "it is what it is"
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