FMIL rant -- advice/nice thoughts needed

traybay88 · August 2012

there is 37 days until the wedding and guess what --> the flowers aren't finalized because my FMIL is concerned about the cost... now, she's paying for them because she was APPALLED that i even considered hand making all of our flowers for the wedding out of paper & said she would pay for them.... we still don't have a limo booked because, you guessed it FMIL hasn't done it yet... cause 7 months ago when I went to book it, the limo company wanted $1700 and thats not in our budget, so she offered to pay for it, and said she would take care of it.. *** these are the only two things she is paying for because we took care of everything else since** okay she is also paying for the Reh dinner because she HAD to have one. my FI and i hadn't planned on having one because we were going to pay for the wedding ourselves, and well a Reh dinner wasn't in our budget.
i guess i wouldn't be so upset about FMIL complain about the cost of the flowers except that they are rich. she was an executive for IMB for almost 5 years, and worked for them for almost 30 years. they live in a 2 million dollar house, that is only 10 years old, & she is having all the carpets replaced in the house for the wedding because family will be staying there, and changing the back splash in the kitchen, again because family members are staying there instead of at a hotel...which costs $10,000 to do!! do not complain to me that you have no money when you are spending $10,000 on replacing carpet that doesn't freaking need to be replaced!!! when the flowers cost $1300!!! AND THE WEDDING ISN'T AT YOUR FREAKING HOUSE!!!!

wrigleyville · August 2012

Perhaps she thinks she can get a better deal on the flowers elsewhere. Just because someone is "rich" doesn't mean they're going to blow money that doesn't need to be blown. Some people are rich because they spend their money wisely. Overpriced is still overpriced no matter what your income.

Additionally, it is her money. She can spend it however she wants. You are not entitled to anything. Just because she's loaded doesn't mean she has to shell out money for a limo and flowers. Offering to host a RD was really nice of her; those can be expensive, as you said. Chill out and be grateful she's helping at all.

The limo is a non-issue. Even if she waits until the week before your wedding, a limo will be available. Chicago has a squillion limo companies.

traybay88 · August 2012

My deal with the flowers, is that she isn't looking for another vendor, she keeps nickel and diming the florist that we are using. i personally don't they aren't overpriced, really $1300 for flowers is really cheap. they were so expensive before because she didn't realize that her huge alter flower piece, that she wanted was going to be almost $500.

and for the limo, i would be okay if we were actually in the city, cause they do have a million limo's but i dont know how many limo companies the suburbs have. The wedding is the western suburbs and from my google searches are only 5 limo companies.

my whole thing is, if you said you were going to pay for it. then just do it. i just feel frustrated because i didnt ask for her to pay for these things - now if she doenst come through with the flowers, its too late for me to make the paper flowers like i had originally planned. does that make sense?

ski2play · August 2012

Nobody needs to pay for your wedding but yourself. It sucks that she offered to pay and has not come through, I will give you that. Oher than that, you sound very judgy of your FMIL. You really need to loose the attitude about what she spends her money on. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

StephBeanWed61502 · August 2012

It sounds like she is paying for things that you wouldn't be having at all if not for her generous offer, so if i were you I would probably work on taking my judgey pants off and learning how to say "thank you." As for limo companies, I have a news flash for you - companies that are based in a city will generally do work in the suburbs as well. Just because there are only five "in" your town doesn't mean there are only five that serve your town. It will work out, and frankly, even if it doesn't, you weren't going to be able to afford a limo anyway, so what's the difference? And get over it with the flowers. She's going to pay for them, she's just trying to get the best value for her money. Stay out of it.

Marrin713 · August 2012

I'm in the western 'burbs. I'll drive you in my Explorer.

As for limo companies, I have a news flash for you - companies that are based in a city will generally do work in the suburbs as well.

Absolutely!

AllAboutTheBenjamin · August 2012

Fwiw, I think 37 days is enough time to finalize this stuff. I think that's about the time I finalized our flowers and cake.

chelseamb11 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-rant-advicenice-thoughts-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:671e008a-4ddf-48cc-9dc8-8c837ef9c9d5Post:18305757-a115-4279-a598-d71b6115dc89">FMIL rant -- advice/nice thoughts needed</a>:
[QUOTE]there is 37 days until the wedding and guess what -- /> the flowers aren't finalized because my FMIL is concerned about the cost... now, she's paying for them because she was APPALLED that i even considered hand making all of our flowers for the wedding out of paper & said she would pay for them.... we still don't have a limo booked because, you guessed it FMIL hasn't done it yet... cause 7 months ago when I went to book it, the limo company wanted $1700 and thats not in our budget, so she offered to pay for it, and said she would take care of it.. *** these are the only two things she is paying for because we took care of everything else since** okay she is also paying for the Reh dinner because she HAD to have one. my FI and i hadn't planned on having one because we were going to pay for the wedding ourselves, and well a Reh dinner wasn't in our budget. i guess i wouldn't be so upset about FMIL complain about the cost of the flowers except that they are rich. she was an executive for IMB for almost 5 years, and worked for them for almost 30 years. they live in a 2 million dollar house, that is only 10 years old, & she is having all the carpets replaced in the house for the wedding because f amily will be staying ther e, and changing the back splash in the kitchen, again because family members are staying there instead of at a hotel... which costs $10,000 to do!! do not complain to me that you have no money when you are spending $10,000 on replacing carpet that doesn't freaking need to be replaced!!! when the flowers cost $1300!!! AND THE WEDDING ISN'T AT YOUR FREAKING HOUSE!!!!
Posted by traybay88[/QUOTE]

This is your FMIL's money. She can spend 10 grand on carpet if she wants to. The general rule of thumb is don't count on the money unless it's in your hands.

When is the last possible day you need to start talking about flowers? I'd say about 2 days before that, approach your MIL and ask her what her plan is. If she can't give you a definite answer about moving forward, then you need to say "I really appreciate your offer to help, but we are running out of time, so I think I will move forward on my own. Thank you so much for the offer though!" (And say those thank you's graciously, not snottily).

pink34562000 · August 2012

My FMIL are also well off. They were generous to host a RD and pay for the photographer. And, they were complaining about prices the entire time. It is just the way they are. They like to complain about gas prices, food prices, utility prices, etc. Everything is expensive to them. I respect their frugalities because that is probably how they obtain their wealth.

However, I really appreciate their offers, and I'm very happy about their kindness. I feel very lucky to have great in laws willing to help us financially with our wedding.

That is very nice of your FMIL to host the RD and pay for the flowers and limo that you wanted. Ask your FI to talk to his mom about the limo? If she chooses not to pay for it, then, you will have to. Yeah, it's a shame that she promised too, but let it go.

When it comes to money, I believe that things are paid for when the check is in my vendors' hands.

J&K10910 · August 2012

Carpet is expensive. Especially for a $2million house, which I assume is fairly large. And at 10 years old? The carpet probably needs to replaced soon anyway, so why NOT do it before you have a bunch of people over? It's as good enough a reason as any.

traybay88 · August 2012

Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm letting it all go. If we have a limo, ya, if we don't, oh well. As for the flowers, I really do feel like they will be take care of, someone else said, its she wants tge best value for her money. I'm very grateful that they offered to pay for these things. Its just hard, because my family is different. My parents are go get it done where I know FMIL is a drag your feet., Again thanks ladies, I feel better

riley614 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-rant-advicenice-thoughts-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:671e008a-4ddf-48cc-9dc8-8c837ef9c9d5Post:18305757-a115-4279-a598-d71b6115dc89">FMIL rant -- advice/nice thoughts needed</a>:
[QUOTE]there is 37 days until the wedding and guess what -- /> the flowers aren't finalized because my FMIL is concerned about the cost... now, she's paying for them because she was APPALLED that i even considered hand making all of our flowers for the wedding out of paper & said she would pay for them.... we still don't have a limo booked because, you guessed it FMIL hasn't done it yet... cause 7 months ago when I went to book it, the limo company wanted $1700 and thats not in our budget, so she offered to pay for it, and said she would take care of it.. *** these are the only two things she is paying for because we took care of everything else since** okay she is also paying for the Reh dinner because she HAD to have one. my FI and i hadn't planned on having one because we were going to pay for the wedding ourselves, and well a Reh dinner wasn't in our budget. i guess i wouldn't be so upset about FMIL complain about the cost of the flowers except that they are rich. she was an executive for IMB for almost 5 years, and worked for them for almost 30 years. they live in a 2 million dollar house, that is only 10 years old, & she is having all the carpets replaced in the house for the wedding because f amily will be staying ther e, and changing the back splash in the kitchen, again because family members are staying there instead of at a hotel... which costs $10,000 to do!! do not complain to me that you have no money when you are spending $10,000 on replacing carpet that doesn't freaking need to be replaced!!! when the flowers cost $1300!!! AND THE WEDDING ISN'T AT YOUR FREAKING HOUSE!!!!
Posted by traybay88[/QUOTE]

Ask your fiance to talk to his mother about whether she really does intend to pay for a limo and the flowers because they need to be ordered immediately and he needs an immediate answer. It's his mother. He should be doing the negotiating. If she says yes, fine! If she says no, have a backup plan.

First, the flowers. Ask your venue what they have for free centerpieces. Reception halls usually have candelabras or vases filled with marbles or rocks, that type of thing. I've been to two receptions recently where the bride used the venue's free centerpieces, and the tables looked lovely. Ask your venue to be prepared to set up centerpieces. All you really need, as far as flowers, are the bouquets, two corsages, and the boutonnieres. Be prepared to pay for those. Go with daisies or gerbers or inexpensive roses and lots of greens. They will look gorgeous. Keep all the bouquets, even the bride's, to no more than 8 inches. They will be less expensive and easier to carry.

Next, the limo. $1700 sounds very, very high for a limo bill. Shop around. Also, you don't really need a limo. Is there a family relative with a nice car who will be willing to drive you to the church and the reception? You will be surprised by how little a difference it will make to the day if you arrive at the church in a Camry instead of a limo.

Good luck and have a wonderful wedding.

FMIL rant -- advice/nice thoughts needed

Re: FMIL rant -- advice/nice thoughts needed

Choose Another Board

Search Boards