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Venting- LOOOONG VENT

andielizabethandielizabeth member
First Comment
in Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul
So we flew into MN this week to do some wedding planning. Well it's not going to well....We looked at three venues 1st- ended up not having our date available but we loved it. 2nd - was a garden, beautiful, no reception space, a little higher price. The reception space we looked at is a community center- just a building - nice but would need to do a lot of decorating. My problem with these two places is there's not many places to stay near by - closest Hotel is 20 mins in WI, campground 15 mins. 3rd- is a golf course- nice place the ceremony site is next to a water feature & we would stand under a pergola. Its a golf course so not much flowers or decorations. One thing I like is everything is at one site. Food & drinks are a little higher then I wanted.  There's four hotels & one campground near by. If we have a 10 room block at a hotel there is a free shuttle. We are so undecided. My dad & stepmom are pushing for the 2nd place since it is like 5 min. from their house. The 2nd place(both gardens & center) is about $1000 more then the 3rd, but with food & drink cost they come out to about the same. So my problem my dad & step mom gave us a check for $1000 last night - we are grateful but think its cause they want it at the 2nd place. WHAT TO DO???

My 2nd vent - last night my BIL texted my FI last night saying he cant come out for the wedding & he doesn't know how my sister or mom will be able too. So now this puts more pressure on me- Are they not telling me some thing?

Do we just scrap plans for MN & just have it in WA where we live? Last night I was so upset that I really wanted to call it all off & maybe just elope. I'm already giving up my dream wedding so people can afford to come. My DREAM is to be on a beach with just immediate family. ARRRGGG!!
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Re: Venting- LOOOONG VENT

  • maybe984maybe984 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Question... is there any MAJOR reason you can't put the wedding off a little bit? It sounds like you are rushing yourself too quickly to get everything done and ready. I think if you were able to (perhaps) wait until maybe some time next year... you would have more time to find the perfect venue and make sure all of your loved ones can make it to the wedding.

    If postponing is absolutely not an option, I'd say have a heart-to-heart with your dad and step-mom and make sure the 1k doesn't come with any strings attached. If it does, that's honestly pretty sh*tty, but oh well. If it doesn't, I'd say go with #3, because it sounds like you like that a whole lot more... and honestly... you can add your own flowers and decorations... the fact that they aren't already there isn't the end of the world.

    Also on the must-have-heart-to-heart list would be your mom and sister.

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  • shan87shan87
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Is the $1000 all they have put towards the wedding? or are the paying for other things as well?
    If they are paying for the wedding then I would lean towards their pick. I hate bribes and my mom tried doing that to get us to hire a band. But we kindly declined saying it wasn't in our wedding day vision. She has since gotten over it.

    I would go with the one that has everything you are looking for. Shuttles and hotel near by. Explain to them the convenience and you can rest assured no one will be drinking or driving etc.


    As far as his brother not coming, I think thats really out of your control. You are 4 months out do you really want to cancel? If its purely because of $ you could offer to help pay for travel expense but IMO thats a slippery slope and not necessary.

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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto maybe :-)

    It honestly sounds like you need more time to figure things out. If you can postpone it, do it.
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  • andielizabethandielizabeth member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_venting-loooong-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:a3e4b864-f9db-405b-87e3-56b66432c8c6Post:6da50835-e69e-4426-837a-de6191f8d86a">Re: Venting- LOOOONG VENT</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is the $1000 all they have put towards the wedding? or are the paying for other things as well? If they are paying for the wedding then I would lean towards their pick. I hate bribes and my mom tried doing that to get us to hire a band. But we kindly declined saying it wasn't in our wedding day vision. She has since gotten over it. I would go with the one that has everything you are looking for. Shuttles and hotel near by. Explain to them the convenience and you can rest assured no one will be drinking or driving etc. As far as his brother not coming, I think thats really out of your control. You are 4 months out do you really want to cancel? If its purely because of $ you could offer to help pay for travel expense but IMO thats a slippery slope and not necessary.
    Posted by shan87[/QUOTE]

    Yes they have only put the $1000 towards the wedding. FI & I are paying most of wedding with our families helping out a little. My mom is paying for flowers, FI parents are paying for RD & beverages. The money wasn't expected yet - they helped my sister a little last year but think the gave her about $2000 for whatever she needed. My sister was in a different situation so I wasn't expecting much at all so it came off as they were giving it to us so we would book the place they like.

    As with helping with travel costs, we already said we would help as much as we can but we also have to pay for our travel costs.
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  • andielizabethandielizabeth member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_venting-loooong-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:a3e4b864-f9db-405b-87e3-56b66432c8c6Post:9f270600-ca8c-40ae-a532-00674ca5e5fa">Re: Venting- LOOOONG VENT</a>:
    [QUOTE]Question... is there any MAJOR reason you can't put the wedding off a little bit? It sounds like you are rushing yourself too quickly to get everything done and ready. I think if you were able to (perhaps) wait until maybe some time next year... you would have more time to find the perfect venue and make sure all of your loved ones can make it to the wedding. If postponing is absolutely not an option, I'd say have a heart-to-heart with your dad and step-mom and make sure the 1k doesn't come with any strings attached. If it does, that's honestly pretty sh*tty, but oh well. If it doesn't, I'd say go with #3, because it sounds like you like that a whole lot more... and honestly... you can add your own flowers and decorations... the fact that they aren't already there isn't the end of the world. Also on the must-have-heart-to-heart list would be your mom and sister.
    Posted by maybe984[/QUOTE]


    I have thought of postponing it til next year but FI really wants it this year. Plus everyone is telling me that things probably wont change from this year to next year(money wise).
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  • Liberty27Liberty27
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Do you mind sharing the names of the venues?  Maybe we could give you some more ideas you could check into.  I am right on the wisconsin border so maybe I could help.
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  • MilitaryBride2BeMilitaryBride2Be
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_venting-loooong-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:a3e4b864-f9db-405b-87e3-56b66432c8c6Post:b2f9aa99-3fce-4753-80e2-c34a16419333">Re: Venting- LOOOONG VENT</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting- LOOOONG VENT : I have thought of postponing it til next year but FI really wants it this year. Plus everyone is telling me that things probably wont change from this year to next year(money wise).
    Posted by andielizabeth[/QUOTE]


    Even if things don't change money wise it might make you less stressed out. 4 months is a short amount of time to get everything together, it can certainly be done, but will be stressful.
    Take it from another bride who planned from out of town (I lived in 4 states over my planning, trying to get everything done in a few weekends while home can be very challenging.
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  • maybe984maybe984 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_venting-loooong-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:a3e4b864-f9db-405b-87e3-56b66432c8c6Post:b2f9aa99-3fce-4753-80e2-c34a16419333">Re: Venting- LOOOONG VENT</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting- LOOOONG VENT : Plus everyone is telling me that things probably wont change from this year to next year(money wise).
    Posted by andielizabeth[/QUOTE]

    Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but are you saying that people are saying they won't be able to afford the trip even if they have a year to plan and save? That's complete BS on their part. If a close relative that you love is getting married, you can most certainly put aside 10 bucks a week to save up for gas money or a plane ticket.
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  • genevieve27genevieve27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes tell us the locations and I think we can help much better. I chose a resort (Grandview) so everything was right on site. No worrying about shuttles or different hotels(most of my family is out of state) is that an option for you?
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  • andielizabethandielizabeth member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you Ladies!!

    It nice to be able to come here and have everyone be supportive & understanding. I think things were blown out of proportion with the family. I had a big heart to heart with my mom today and things seem better and everything worked out. We are going tomorrow to apply for our marriage license and meet with a caterer.
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