Community› Cultural Wedding Boards› Catholic Weddings
Catholic Weddings
New Discussion
Options

help!

metsfan5metsfan5 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Catholic Weddings
when i got engaged in sept. a week or two after i went to the church and talk with the wedding lady she was very rude. i went with my FI cousins gf cause all i was told that i just needing to pick up papers. well we went and talked to her and i told her i wanted to get married on june 15th 2013 she told me i cant pick the day yet cause they dont have the book and they will get that in feb. then she told me that i would just be penciel in with a question mark not to make any plans with the reception. i told her my FI was Baptist and she went on and on about him converting and i just felt like it wasnt her place to say all that kinds of stuff.

so this past week my dad went and returned the papers for me and wanted to talk to the lady and she told him we cant book the church till 8 months till the wedding. my dad said well we need to know so we can get the hall. the lady said who is we dad your not getting married. my dad said we as a family like to do things together. my dad was so mad. then my dad said i have been going to this church for 23 years and your making it very hard for my daughter to get married in her church. so the lady said whats your name i dont know you. my dad said he just had to walk out cause she was so rude



i really wanna get married in the church i grew up in but if i have to deal with this lady i dont know what to do! 
Daisypath Wedding tickers
Report Reply to Post

Re: help!

  • Options
    agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    It is common policy that a couple doesn't get to set their wedding date before doing the pre-marital investigation and discernment portion of the marriage preparation.
    Each church has a right to set their own timeline in regards to scheduling weddings. The hall is only a side item regarding weddings...

    The first step is really to make an appointment with either a priest or the person in charge of beginning each process. Your dad should not be doing this. This is a vocational sacrament, so its up to you and your fiance to be taking care of these items.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would just add that it is not necessary for your FI to convert either.  The woman was overstepping her bounds in regards to telling you that.  I would try to deal with the priest or decon performing your ceremony as much as you can. 

    I also think that it should be you and FI going to the church to get the process started.  My church also only "penciled" our date in until we met with the priest. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    professorscienceprofessorscience member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    My husband and I were also only "penciled in" when we originally set our date.  When we went in and got all our paperwork filled out and had our initial meeting with the pastoral associate, we got our date "in pen."  I am sorry that you are frustrated but please understand that the church has a format that must be followed, for your own good.

    I agree that from the way you've put it, the woman at your church seems abrasive.  I would call and set an appointment (it's not a walk-in kind of thing) to sit down and begin the process, like agape said.  I think some churches, like many other wedding vendors, don't like to put anything "in pen" as far as 18 months down the road, as your wedding will be, but I'm sure once you and your FI actually get to sit down with someone, things can be sorted out.  Not allowing anyone to book a date until 8 months out seems silly to me.  Where I live, many wedding vendors book out a year or more in advance, so we contacted our church about 14 months out and set our date with them so we could book other things.

    I hope everything works out for you!
    Anniversary

    image

    image

    Report Reply
  • Options
    ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited January 2012

    Write a letter to the pastor asking for an appointment if he doesn't take direct calls himself.


    Start out with making plans for your wedding but I would mention the rudenss of the woman who is actually representing that church.  I'm quite sure that he would not want people turning away because of one rude employee.

    btw, we booked the church the day we first saw it and were  not parishioners


    GL

    Report Reply
  • Options
    debbiem56debbiem56
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Defintiely speak directly to the pastor or his designate.  We had this problem at our church where the receptionist was very rude and turning away long time parishioners.  She was corrected, and I had no problem about a year later.
    Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Liss1485Liss1485 member
    First Comment
    My church had no problem setting our date as soon as we went in to meet with the wedding coordinator.  We set ours about 15 months out from our wedding date because the church that we are getting married in his 70+ weddings a year. 

    My church does require both parties to be Catholic and confirmed.  Not sure what other churches require. 

    Like PP said I would set an appointment for you and your FI to go in and meet with the pastor.

    Good luck!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Birthday
    Report Reply
  • Options
    monkeysipmonkeysip member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_help-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:8646b288-85d1-4c19-82e3-3017cf72c0dbPost:f134bdef-e00e-468a-afa8-ef0076916126">Re: help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My church had no problem setting our date as soon as we went in to meet with the wedding coordinator.  We set ours about 15 months out from our wedding date because the church that we are getting married in his 70+ weddings a year.  <strong>My church does require both parties to be Catholic and confirmed.</strong>  Not sure what other churches require.  Like PP said I would set an appointment for you and your FI to go in and meet with the pastor. Good luck!
    Posted by Liss1485[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's weird.  Seeing as how Catholics can marry non-Catholics according to canon law, it doesn't seem like a church could take it on their own authority to deny a wedding to a mixed marriage.</div>

    SaveSave
    Report Reply
  • Options
    professorscienceprofessorscience member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_help-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:8646b288-85d1-4c19-82e3-3017cf72c0dbPost:9d5b8bef-1483-4ba4-8fc9-3f0964f8481c">Re: help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: help! : That's weird.  Seeing as how Catholics can marry non-Catholics according to canon law, it doesn't seem like a church could take it on their own authority to deny a wedding to a mixed marriage.
    Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

    There might be a little more to the rule, like they want all the people to be members of the specific church, since they have so many weddings a year?  In Dallas there are at least two churches that people want to get married at just because they're pretty, so they have some pretty strict requirements...  nothing like that, though.
    Anniversary

    image

    image

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards