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In-law Advice

cnc113cnc113
in Moms and Maids

So my soon to be MIL- offered when we got engaged to give us money for our wedding-, she said something like, I don't want to step on anyones toes but.... we can help out with money if you need us to... now like 7 months later- over christmas she told me fiance that they are paying for the rehearsal dinner- which we assumed, and said nothing about giving us money- I know its our fault for not saying something sooner...my parents are doing what they can, and we are saving alot. I cant help it but I am super irritated that she offered and basically took it back! Wish there was something i could do, but when I said something to my fiance he said she must have thought they'd have the money or something... so basically for me to drop it!

SO ANNOYED!

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Re: In-law Advice

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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I take this post as a vent. Now that you got in off your chest. Take a deep breath, grab something relaxing to read and let it go. Your FI is right on this one, don't say anything to FILs, keep planning and if you have to make cuts be it guest list, etc, then so be it. Yes, it sucks that she said she would give some money but in this economy one month you may have the cash, the next month you can be scrapping buy. Try to put this past you and move forward with your wedding plans.
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    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Never count on money for your wedding until its in your pocket. If she didn't say a specific amount, then you shouldn't have planned on it. Hosting the RD is contributing to the wedding, so perhaps she thinks that's all she needs to do.

    I agree that you should drop it. Be annyoed, but get over it. There is nothing you can do about it.
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    michellendanny10michellendanny10
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree, i would be a little upset, but you can't control other people's wallets. The rehearsal dinner is actually a big bill to help with, so she didn't take it all back. So, yeah, be annoyed, relax, be happy. 
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You shouldn't say anything to your FILs about this. Your fi should have discussed the details privately with them, when they first mentioned contributing. Since that didn't happen, they have offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner, which is very nice of them.
    Plan your wedding according to what you can spend.

                       
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    duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your problem was assuming they would be covering the RD in the first place.  If that is their contribution then it more than most brides get.  Be grateful they are paying for anything.

    They didn't promise money and then take it back.  They are paying for the RD.  Gone are the days where the groom's family is responsible for the RD no matter what.  It just doesn't work like that.  Bride and groom pay for everything unless someone else offers.

    They haven't taken anything they've promised you back and mentioning it it them would be the eqivalent of throwing their own generosity in their faces, telling them it isn't good enough, and asking for more.  Not cool.
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Have you had any other conversations about this in between?  If what she actually said is "we can help out with money if you need us to," maybe SHE assumed that because you didn't say you needed it, that meant you weren't taking her up on her offer.  How did you respond when she said that originally?

    I agree, though, that paying for the rehearsal dinner IS contributing something and helping you out with money, so she didn't go back on her word at all.
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    Pink7781Pink7781 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She is contributing money, just not what you thought. She is paying for the rehearsal dinner which is more than generous of her. Take a deep breath, thank her for hosting the rehearsal dinner and move on.
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