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Madrina vs- Damita

TaniayJohnTaniayJohn
First Comment
in Latino Weddings

My brother has asked me and my husband to be the padrinos of arras (coins) for his wedding. This took me by surprise because we're very close and I always thought I'd be a bridesmaid at his wedding.

Is it me or a padrino is just a fill-in position for someone to pay for something, whereas a damita is someone closer to the bride and groom??

What's the real difference between being a madrina or padrino of something and being a bridesmaid/groomsman???

Undecided

Thanks,

T

"My husband says I feed him like he's a god: every meal is a burnt offering." ~Rhonda Hansome
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Re: Madrina vs- Damita

  • fam6fam6
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, they do often help with the cost of something, but they can also be included in the ceremony, which can be very meaningful as well.  In your case, you may get the opportunity to carry the arras to the groom.  Ask your brother, what exactly he wants you to do?  But, I would think of this as a meaningful gesture.
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  • heidi1068heidi1068
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Your "what's the difference" question really depends on the particulars of your family/community, but I wouldn't be upset at your brother.  Not to start problems with you and your FSIL, but typically, it is the bride that chooses her bridesmaid; the groom doesn't really have a say.  So one logical explanation is that she chose her bridesmaids and when he saw that you weren't on the list, he decided to include you as a madrina.  Alternatively, the fact that you are married may have driven the decision because he/they wanted to incorporate your husband.

    Traditions vary dramatically based on geographic areas but I can tell you our approach to choosing padrinos versus bridesmaids/groomsmen which might make you feel a little better--our bridesmaids/groomsmen are a combination of family members and people from our past, whereas our padrinos are people who are more involved in our lives now (and into the future) because they live where we live.  This by no means means that the padrinos are less important, they simply fill a different role in the ceremony and in our lives as a couple.

    Oh, and about whether they are just trying to get you to pay for something, I would do as PP says and ask what is expected of you--they may very well not expect you to buy the arras.  But even if they do, that will cost you a lot less than a bridesmaid dress, so I wouldn't be too hung up on the money part.

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  • loop0406loop0406 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe you were chosen as padrinos because you're married and they wanted to include both of you.
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  • perlaperlaperlaperla
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I feel that madrinas have a bigger role because you are entrusting them to actively participate in your ceremony and of course help financially, which is a big role.  My baptism certificate shows my aunt and uncle as promising to be my padrinos de lazo, so I think they're a much bigger deal than damas.  I consider the damas to take on a smaller role since they are really just good friends helping you do wedding stuff.....
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  • viviangeviviange
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is relative... It all depends for example in many latin countries the padrinos are your more important roles as they are the closer relatives (usually a married couple -although now days it could be otherwise).  Your damas are ususally friends, sisters or cousins, but are there ti assist the bride. 
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