Moms and Maids

Bridal Shower Q on Bridesmaids role

I am Maid of Honor for my friend and am excited to be planning her Bridal Shower for her. I understand that it is traditional to include the bridesmaids in the planning, but sometimes not? Another friend of mine is getting married and the bridesmaids were told that it was all planned out and they did not have to worry about it.
I am a planner, and I have the foundation of it planned out. I am planning on asking the bridesmaids opinion on what games to play or what food to serve (and whether they would like to cook it), but honestly, one is busy planning her wedding, one is not really into this stuff and the other is my co-maid of honor who has already expressed they she just cares about the bachelorette party.
The Bride insists that I run EVERYTHING by them. My attitude is that I am the MOH, I am the Hostess and I am happy to run things by her, but it is not a democracy and I am going to require a unanimous vote to do anything because nothing will get done.
Am I going about this wrong?

Re: Bridal Shower Q on Bridesmaids role

  • In Response to Bridal Shower Q on Bridesmaids role:
    I am Maid of Honor for my friend and am excited to be planning her Bridal Shower for her. I understand that it is traditional to include the bridesmaids in the planning, but sometimes not? Another friend of mine is getting married and the bridesmaids were told that it was all planned out and they did not have to worry about it. I am a planner, and I have the foundation of it planned out. I am planning on asking the bridesmaids opinion on what games to play or what food to serve (and whether they would like to cook it), but honestly, one is busy planning her wedding, one is not really into this stuff and the other is my co-maid of honor who has already expressed they she just cares about the bachelorette party. The Bride insists that I run EVERYTHING by them. My attitude is that I am the MOH, I am the Hostess and I am happy to run things by her, but it is not a democracy and I am going to require a unanimous vote to do anything because nothing will get done. Am I going about this wrong?
    Posted by rxyh
    Just send them an email telling them the plans.  If anyone has an objection, they can bring it up.
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  • I think that its great that your Bride has picked a savy planner for her MOH....BUT if she's requesting you run things by the Bridesmaids, then thats what you should do. You are your Brides, right hand and confidant in the whole planning process. But the bridesmaids have a special relationship with bride as well and should be considered b/c it may make them feel left out of the their friend's big day. You don't want that odd dynamic and feeling come wedding day. Make sure they are included on things they need to be included on. Because you are a planner, don't over do it. No one likes a bossy MOH. Just be helpful and if someone reaches out to offer assistance to you, don't turn it down. Let them help. It's always great to have as many helping hands as possible even if you are the MOH.

    Best of luck!
  • Before you plan anything, contact each girl individually to find out what she can afford to co-host.  You don't want to plan something that's beyond their budgets, and then possibly embarass them into spending more than they can afford.  Once you have their budgets, plan accordingly, and let them know your plans.  Make it clear their suggestions/thoughts are welcome, but you don't have to run every detail by them.
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  • OP - are you requiring them to kick in with the costs or are you doing this on your own? I didn't see this in your post so I assumed you were assuming the financial responsibility.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited February 2012
    If you are paying for everything, yourself, then you don't have to run it buy anyone. You should get a guest list from the bride, though, and make sure she is ok with the date and general plan of the shower.

    But it sounds like the bride would like to have everyone included. Don't you want to please her? It also sounds like you are expecting some kind of contribution from the bms whether it's monetary, food, favors etc... If that's the case they should have some say in the planning.



                
  • Are you expecting them help pay for any of this?  It seems like you have made a decision on how things will be and have shut them out entirely.  Even if you don't expect any help from them, it seems a bit rude to cut them out of planning the shower.

    I'm guessing your bride is worried about any hurt feelings and the possibility that some of the BM's are going to be mad at being excluded.  Have you sat down with the BM's to see what they would like to do, or did you just claim ownership of the shower on your own?
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Well, none of you have any more right to plan a shower than the others.  It's not your duty, nor do they need to be involved.  However, it would be nice of you to ask if they're interested in hosting with you, and working with them if they are.  You seem a little tightly wound about being in charge, on the other hand, so they may not enjoy working with you anyway. 

    If you're planning and paying for the shower, you can decide whether or not to involve them in planning.  If you're thinking you're going to get money or help from them, however, they get to control how much they spend and get to be involved in organizing. 



  • Are you hoping the other girls will chip in for the cost? If so, you need to discuss budget with all of them first. During that conversation, I would maybe ask for IDEAS from each of them, or suggestions. Doesn't mean you HAVE to use all of them. Then when you find out what you guys can do on the budget everyone has set, I would run by your ideas and see if any object. If they are helping pay, then I think they should get a part of the say. After all,, they're funding it too.

    If you're paying for the whole thing and just inviting them, then no, I don't think you need their input. You would be the hostess (unless you want them to host too in just name alone).


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