Moms and Maids

What would you do? (sorry its a little long)

Any Suggestions?

     I have one of my really good friends as a Bridesmaid.  Before i got engaged we would hang out a lot and had daily conversations about pretty much anything, and since i asked her to be a Bridesmaid she seems totally uninterested in hanging out or even talking.  I know her BF has just moved back to the area so i have been offering to help her move to the new place and just get together as a welcome dinner and she barely even talks to me now.   I have just started planning the Wedding and have not really gotten other people involved outside of my FI and our families.

    My relationship with my other 2 Maids has stayed the same.  I guess im worried, if i have not even started getting her involved with the Wedding details yet how are thing going to change in 6 months when it gets closer to the wedding?

     I just needs some help on if i should just ride it out and see how things go once she and her BF get settled,  or should i try to talk to her about it?  I am totally ok if she does not want to be a bridesmaid I just don't want our friendship to be messed up because of it.Undecided

Re: What would you do? (sorry its a little long)

  • twilight.rosetwilight.rose member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is a prime example of why you shouldn't ask your wedding party this far ahead of the wedding. You should ask a year out at the absolute earliest. However, in this case, that ship has already sailed.

    You really can't tactfully ask her if she wants to be a BM, or to step down, unless you are ready to completely end the friendship. Your wedding is quite far away, and honestly, it's probably not even on your BM's radar yet.

    You can't force others to be excited about your wedding. Nobody will be as excited as you and your FI. Her only real requirements as a BM are to buy a dress, show up at the wedding, and smile for pictures. If she does these things, she has fulfilled her duties. Anything extra is lovely, but is, etiquette-wise, going above and beyond. Just let this go. Your wedding needn't consume everyone else's life. She clearly has other things going on (BF moving back to town, etc.)
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  • jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-sorry-its-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5ac1425f-62b1-4348-9f77-25b8277a7b14Post:ae5fd342-3ef8-4ca8-81f4-5cd8d3c1b863">What would you do? (sorry its a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Any Suggestions?      I have one of my really good friends as a Bridesmaid.  Before i got engaged we would hang out a lot and had daily conversations about pretty much anything, and since i asked her to be a Bridesmaid she seems totally uninterested in hanging out or even talking.  <strong>I know her BF has just moved back to the area </strong>so i have been offering to help her move to the new place and just get together as a welcome dinner and she barely even talks to me now.   <strong>I have just started planning the Wedding and have not really gotten other people involved outside of my FI and our families.</strong>     My relationship with my other 2 Maids has stayed the same.  I guess im worried, if <strong>i have not even started getting her involved with the Wedding details yet</strong> how are thing going to change in 6 months when it gets closer to the wedding?      I just needs some help on if i should just ride it out and see how things go once she and her BF get settled,  or should i try to talk to her about it?  I am totally ok if she does not want to be a bridesmaid I just don't want our friendship to be messed up because of it.
    Posted by samkephart[/QUOTE]

    <div>Is she the type of person that drops everything for her guy?  Was she like this when her bf lived in town before?  I have friends like this and this is just who they are.  If it really bothers you then you should talk to her.  Don't go on attack mode, just say that you really miss her and think you two should make an effort to have a girls night at least once a month.</div><div>
    </div><div>As far as you wedding planning goes, the only people who need to be involved in the details are your FI and your parents (and really only if your parents want to or if they're paying).  Your BM don't need to get involved.  They only need to know what they should be wearing.  If she's not too interested now, she won't be later on.  I am saying this because too many brides come on here complaining that their BM aren't helping plan.  Well, it's not their job to plan <em>your</em> wedding.</div><div>
    </div><div>Remember, <strong>no one will ever be as excited as you are about your wedding.</strong>  </div>
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • edited December 2011
    While I agree that it sucks that your friend disappeared because her BF is back in town, some girls are just like that.  One of my BMs always bitches when she doesn't have a guy yet disappears once she gets one, and I am always the one to make the effort.  Did she care about my wedding?  No.  Not one iota, and I knew that it made her bitter as hell.  But did she get the dress in time, contribute and attend the shower, attend the bachelorette party and rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, show up on time for photos, stand beautifully in the ceremony, have a blast entering into the reception and then dance the night away?  Yep!

    If she's your friend, then she's your friend.  Take the wedding out of it.  My BM and I were falling apart at the seams.  We're trying harder to repair the friendship now that the wedding is over.  And understand that if people around her are getting engaged and married, of COURSE she's going to cling to her BF, because she probably really wants the same things that you already have.

    Let it ride.  And let it go.
    imageAnniversary

    RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
    You made my wedding day complete.
  • edited December 2011
    They have given you good answers.  You should listen!  Just be her friend on whatever level works for right now and let go of any expectations of her being "involved" in "dealing" with the wedding.  If she gets over it and gets involved closer to the wedding...bonus!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited December 2011

    I understand that i asked ahead of time, but based off of work restrictions, for getting time off i had to do it early im only a little over 13 months out and I might even have a hard time getting off for my own Wedding next year.

    I guess i didnt make it clear, I dont care if she wants to talk about the wedding right now or ever really,I know weddings arent her thing and she doesn't even want one for herself, so I am not going to force her to talk about mine. It is tha fact that she doesnt want to tlk period. She was not like this the last time her BF lived in the area and she started acting like this the day after i asked her.
    (I know i didnt put that all in the original post)

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-sorry-its-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5ac1425f-62b1-4348-9f77-25b8277a7b14Post:582f1af2-b97e-4af2-bb88-aa4fd5992680">Re: What would you do? (sorry its a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to What would you do? (sorry its a little long) : Is she the type of person that drops everything for her guy?  Was she like this when her bf lived in town before?  I have friends like this and this is just who they are.  If it really bothers you then you should talk to her.  Don't go on attack mode, just say that you really miss her and think you two should make an effort to have a girls night at least once a month. As far as you wedding planning goes, the only people who need to be involved in the details are your FI and your parents (and really only if your parents want to or if they're paying).  Your BM don't need to get involved.  They only need to know what they should be wearing.  If she's not too interested now, she won't be later on.  I am saying this because too many brides come on here complaining that their BM aren't helping plan.  Well, it's not their job to plan your  wedding. Remember, no one will ever be as excited as you are about your wedding.   
    <p>Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>I am not asking or expecting her to help plan the wedding.  I am having a blast doing it with my FI, my Family and his family.  We have everything under control.  I never asked and dont plan on asking my BM's to help plan or even put stuff together for me, I just want them to stand with me and have a good time at the party, I just don't want it to risk my friendship. </p>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-sorry-its-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5ac1425f-62b1-4348-9f77-25b8277a7b14Post:582f1af2-b97e-4af2-bb88-aa4fd5992680">Re: What would you do? (sorry its a little long)</a>:
    [QUOTE] Remember, no one will ever be as excited as you are about your wedding.   
    Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

    This. Xs 700.
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