Best "man" pulls out with lousy excuse.... needs help

andy71781 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_man-pulls-out-lousy-excuse-needs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6242932-de12-4c08-8518-e895b76bc59ePost:1fa3d945-94cd-4e5e-887e-0f1840eed3d5">Re: Best "man" pulls out with lousy excuse.... needs help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best "man" pulls out with lousy excuse.... needs help : The family that knots together acts like snots together.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
I mean she has some posts from before that say that she is planning a 2K wedding etc etc. I agree with your conclusion OWN.

stinkerbell6879 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_man-pulls-out-lousy-excuse-needs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6242932-de12-4c08-8518-e895b76bc59ePost:1fa3d945-94cd-4e5e-887e-0f1840eed3d5">Re: Best "man" pulls out with lousy excuse.... needs help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Best "man" pulls out with lousy excuse.... needs help : The family that knots together acts like snots together.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
Well now they can read each others gripes and maybe stop being snots! lol

klreese0213 · June 2010

OP- yah it's never a fun situation to be in when someone pulls out of your wedding. You still have plenty of time. perhaps if you changed some stuff about your wedding she may still be apart of it.

you're on a budget but pick a designer dress? this sounds so bizare to me. let all your girls choose a dress of their choice in a color you like. you can get nice dresses for cheap.
potluck reception is a horrible, exteremly offensive idea. if it gets to the point of you not being able to hire a caterer then you should start to cookin'! you can't ask you guest to bring food! i don't even ask people to bring a dish when i host a bbq at my house!
i don't think anyone is intentionally trying to be mean.. but you posted here for advice. so here's your advice.
save money- put $ aside each month and plan to host everyone's dinner.

and btw- you can't invite everyone to 'play a game' (bring your recipe and a sample) - it doesn't dress up the idea of you still asking your guest to feed themselves!

katiewhompus · June 2010

Sheesh, Bm got ripped apart on thenest, bride gets ripped apart on here. Fun times all around!

tidetravel · June 2010

And they both happened to post these within minutes of each other? I don't buy it.

ARod22 · June 2010

Wait, so your real guests don't have to bring anything, but the whole B-list (the congragants) are responsible for your food? I'm sorry, but this is just COMPLETELY tacky and rude! That's treating the members of these two churches like catering staff! This is a wedding, not a 4th of July barbecue. You don't have to spend tons of money to have a little bit of class. Did you consider a wine & beer reception with crackers and cheese or something?

I do agree that your FI's cousin crossed the line when she told you to brush up on your etiquette. She should have just taken the high road and said nothing to you about it, for the sake of keeping peace within her family. However, it's fine for her to drop out since it's early, and it also sounds from her post on the nest that she and your FI aren't close anyway (asking her over IM to be best man? they don't even have each other's phone numbers? she said yes because she feels sorry for him? seriously, people???)

I think the big issue for the both of you is that you are both so careless about how you treat each other and venting over internet sites that you both read. This wedding will end in a marriage and the two of you will be family, and a year before the wedding you cannot even behave civilly toward each other, considering the issue at hand is the price of a stupid dress!

Birdie1483 · June 2010

A coworker of mine who has an ego the size of Texas is having a potluck wedding reception. This just made my day.

kebmtm071605 · June 2010

While I agree with her that a potluck reception is inappropriate (a reception is supposed to be your 'thank you' to your guests...they should not be expected to self-cater)...her behavior is absolutely atrocious. She could have simply stated that she could not afford the dress and told you that she was stepping down.

Kristin&eric · June 2010

hoestly I agree with her, although she should have talked to you about it. You dont have to invite those ppl of your budget is small. do a dessert buffet with coffee and different types of cream. I think it would be tacky if i went to a wedding and was asked to bring something. I agree with the dress deal and ts sooo low key. tell the people at your FI's church that ya'll want something small and intimate then you wouldnt have to worry about it. But i agree she is just stating her opinion. Dont let it ruin y'alls relationship.

baby green bird · June 2010

Um. I can't get past the part about your wedding reception being pot luck. Are you serious? Has anyone on this board flamed you repeatedly for being so tacky and cheap? If not, this ain't the board it used to be.

As far as this gal goes, she's right. Stay out of it. She backed out. It happens. You should be focusing on how to provide food to your guests. OY!

Morfudd · June 2010

I can't decide if my favorite part of this post is the grammar error suggesting that it is the cousin who "needs help," or the affirmation "yes, SHE" with no preceeding pronoun.

I'm just going to hope your b-list potluck is MUD, because it's just... Too Tacky For Words.

ootmother2 · June 2010

nice find, ziti!

[Deleted User] · June 2010

Actually, ladies, Katie never told me her budget for her dress nor did she mention any of the things she mentioned on the nest posting. Today was the first day, she ever mentioned any of this from her. So she's the one acting like a 5 year old. I was willing to work with her on the dress, but she never gave me the chance.

kimheartsscott · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_man-pulls-out-lousy-excuse-needs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6242932-de12-4c08-8518-e895b76bc59ePost:55fe597f-5186-4c98-81bc-b9eaf7860756">Re: Best "man" pulls out with lousy excuse.... needs help</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't decide if my favorite part of this post is the grammar error suggesting that it is the cousin who "needs help," <strong>or the affirmation "yes, SHE" with no preceeding pronoun</strong>. I'm just going to hope your b-list potluck is MUD, because it's just... Too Tacky For Words.
Posted by Morfudd[/QUOTE]

Thank you! That was driving me insane.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

I think this has been beaten to death, we've got things more or less fixed up now with the reception.

jessjo04 · June 2010

That was totally wrong of your FI's cousin to lecture you on your inproper etiquette, thats our job!

[Deleted User] · June 2010

LOL ... thank you Jessjo.

RachNRich · June 2010

So, wait....you don't find it odd that you both ran to your respective Knot/Nest boards minutes apart to whine about each other? Anyone? Bueller?

Simply Fated · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_man-pulls-out-lousy-excuse-needs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6242932-de12-4c08-8518-e895b76bc59ePost:0e03800d-584a-4140-ad53-711055591d1a">Re: Best "man" pulls out with lousy excuse.... needs help</a>:
[QUOTE]So, wait....you don't find it odd that you both ran to your respective Knot/Nest boards minutes apart to whine about each other? Anyone? Bueller?
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

Definitely MUD

And I think this WHOLE thing has made me ralize just how different things can be, depending which side of the story you're hearing...
No one on here was okay with the pot luck dinner.
Everyone on the Nest was.

JoyTate1 · June 2010

Wow, is it also a tiered pot luck wedding? Like you are asking the congregation to BRING food, but not inviting them to actually EAT it as it is reserved for INVITED guests, you know.

thesuninherhead · June 2010

Well now, someone has far too much time on their hands...

Either that, or a huge family falling out has just gone down.

In any case, pretending that this is a real situation: OP & FI, I'm willing to bet that your BM isn't the only person who is horrified by your suggestion, and would rather be 'left out' than be included as a second-class guest and treated like hired help. She may be the first to voice her concerns, but I'm quite certain she won't be the last.

I understand budget constraints, but there's ways to throw budget weddings that don't invite offence by suggesting that non-invited guests provide food for your reception.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

LOL, (the fiancé again) on the knot they hate potluck, on the nest they're more open, that's funny.

LeighPA · June 2010

Please please please rethink the potluck reception.

Please.

arthomas82 · June 2010

She could have been more tactful, but I agree 110% with everything she said.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

To clear a few things up, my mom was making all the food for the reception and it was only going to be a suggestion if anyone wanted to bring something they could. No one was ever required to bring anything. In our family, when the family makes the food for an event and not having it catered, we call that a potluck. Please don't misunderstand what we are trying to do. Misunderstanding happen when people make assumptions about what something means.

Morfudd · June 2010

Perhaps you could have informed your cousin of the family idiom?

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/potluck

brookelynpaisley · June 2010

I just realized that the title of this post is hilarious!

[Deleted User] · June 2010

Morfudd, I never got the chance to explain anything.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

Wedding Food & Drink: Can We

Have a Potluck Reception?

Q.

I want to have a potluck wedding reception. Is rude to ask my wedding guests to bring a dish?

A.

Although they're probably not the norm where you live, potluck wedding receptions are actually customary in some countries and cultures (like in the Quaker tradition), where the women of the community come together to help prepare the wedding feast. Some wedding guests will inevitably be put off if they're asked to bring food to a wedding reception. To ease the situation, tell out-of-towners they shouldn't feel obligated to bring a dish, and let the locals know the dish is in lieu of a wedding gift. Request that they prepare one of their favorite family delicacies, then ask them to give you the recipe so you can make them part of your newlywed repertoire. (Don't worry, most people will still bring you wedding gifts, but you'll look gracious for not soliciting them!)

Now, before you girls have another meltdown, this is from the "Ask Carly" section here on the knot.

brookelynpaisley · June 2010

Again, hilarious.

That's what she said

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