my sister is 20 years older than me and has always felt the need to be a counseler to me. I never minded until now. She was also married for 10 years and her husband was sick and passed away about 5 years ago.
FI has been going thru a lot of stuff with his family and has decided he doesnt want them invited to the wedding. I have told him that its his choice, but to consider that he may regret it later. He is adament he doesnt want them there so fine. He hasnt spoken to them in months with the exception of his father.
My sister has taken it upon herself to also go behind my back and call FI and tell him he should invite them and what not. He has been repeating to her that he doesnt want them there. She is insistent that he invites them.
Basically, i think she is going behind me to tell him what he SHOULD do because she is trying to play me like I am incapable of leading him in the right direction. I feel like she thinks I am telling him they cant come, i dont want them there etc, and he has made his decision based on how i will feel about it. Ive told him a million times, i DONT CARE if they come! they are non existent to me and they really wont bother me. im not stupid, they are my in-laws, i know ill have to deal with them forever. I may not like them, but i know I have to be cordial and deal with them. Im an adult....i can handle that.
So she calls hi, sunday to tell him that he should invite them blah blah blah. He didnt tell me she called. She calls me at work yesterday to ask me if "yall are inviting them". i told her its not a "yall decision...its his decision". she goes on saying how "yall should still invite them..." again, its not a YALL thing. I told her that if FI didnt want to invite them thats on him, and he shouldnt invite people just to do it, because if they do show up, he would be upset and im not going to talk him into inviting people just so he can look good by doing so. Im the type that I really dont care what people think of me if i dont follow the "rules". I understand why he doesnt want them there, so i wont make him do anything he really doesnt want to do.
She made me so mad I had to get off the phone and havent talked to her since.
then she met a new guy who she decided would be a good person for FI to talk to. even tho they have never met, she gave the guy my FI phone number so this stranger can counsel him. wtf?
In summary, i feel like she is crossing boundaries, playing me like im some kinda brat who throws a tantrum if his family is involved in my wedding (i really dont care at all...they arent that important for me to get worked up over anymore....even though i do get pissed when they hurt his feelings. i know its his family and i just have to suck it up sometimes) And plays me like I am incapable of being a good supportive wife, so she has to do it FOR me. she is stepping on my toes and its pissing me off. I also think she is playing me to my dad by makingit sound like IM the reason they arent invited. She calls FI and if he doesnt answer she calls me just to ask where he is at and talk to him. Id be one thing he is was calling her to talk about it...but he isnt. she calls him, and he tells her everytime he really doesnt want to be bothered by talking about it. I feel like she is going behind my back and undermining me as his supportive wife.
FI called my dad today and explained to him why he didnt invite them, and my father understood.
She was very supportive of me when his family was treating me really bad and eventually i said enough was enough and stopped dealing with them and worrying about them. I dont even bring them up unless FI tells me something stupid they did. but im not gettting bent out of shape and getting MY feelings hurt. Ive realized that thats just how they are and to just let it go. Now, if HIS feelings are hurt....thats a different story. but im not calling them up dogging them out for hurting him. Im mad because he is hurt, not because they did what I expected them to do, you know?
How do I get this chick to back off and learn her place and stop calling my FI so much about stuff thats not her business? I dont mind them being friends...but seriously? why are you stepping in to do things that are MY job? His family issues arent YOUR issues, and are DEFINITELY not your new boyfriends issues, who is a stranger to everyone