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I'm feeling left out and upset

MrsTaylor2014MrsTaylor2014
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in May 2014 Weddings
Hello, I joined a closed on Facebook. I was excited because my wedding wasn't until 2014. Here's the problem. I'm already married, I just didn't have a wedding. I just went to the courthouse. I didn't even take pictures because I was waiting for the wedding....Our weeding is set for 2014 on our seventh year. I was kinda bummed out because it seemed to far. So I found a closed group dedicated to other 2014 brides and joined....only to be removed because I was already married. This upsets me because I feel as though I'm not a real bride compared to those who are engaged. I couldn't afford a wedding back then so I went to the courthouse....is there a board or a group just for married women who never had a wedding?
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Re: I'm feeling left out and upset

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    Mandee89Mandee89 member
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    Was the group created by a girl name Shanice? If so I was an "Admin" on that page and I decided to delete the group because I found it extremely unfair and found alot of snobby girls on there. 

    You should definitely not feel left out....Some people have to get married due to reasons and still want that big wedding and have to wait...Get EXCITED!!! I love the knot and have been here for about a year!!!

    Our wedding is NEXT YEAR AHHHHH <3
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    MrsTaylor2014MrsTaylor2014
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    Mandee89, Yeah, that's her. She inboxed me and asked if I was married. After I told her she said she had to remove me because the group was for brides only....Before I found out she removed me I asked for her colors. Then she was like "I'm wearing white since I was never married" as in I don't have the right to wear white because I'm already married. I thought I was already a bride...I was so so mad I blocked her. Well, your post made me feel so much better! When's your date? Mine's in May 3rd of 2014. Tottally stoked. It's great to know I'm not the only one....I thought that was unfair for her to remove me, and you're right, some of the girls are pretty nasty. Well thanks!
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    Mandee89Mandee89 member
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    No Problem :-) I couldnt handle the group...too many bossy people. 

    Right now we are looking at May 31st...the very last day in May lol

    Have you decided on colors or anything?
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    MrsTaylor2014MrsTaylor2014
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    Well we went to the JP on St. Patricks day, so one of the colors will be a soft baby green. I'm deciding on rather to have the green with peach and ivory, or chocolate brown green and ivory. Even though I hate mint chocolate, the colors are pretty LOL. I bought a gown back in '08 because we were going to have our wedding that year, but couldn't due to finnancial obligations. Well the dress is a size 14 and as of now I'm down to a size 6 so I'm probably going to get another gown. I'm not sure if I'm going for mermaid or ballroom. How about yours?
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    Mandee89Mandee89 member
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    WOW that sounds pretty.

    Yeah I bough my dress April 2012 cause we were planning a wedding for May 2013 but for the same reason we couldnt afford it that soon, so we pushed it back a year. My dress is Ballroom gown, ill post a pic of it. 

    My colors are Lavender, white and sparkly silver (For now I may do like a garden theme, which would make me get more colors) and also am doing a butterfly theme mixed with The American Cancer Society theme...I know it sounds like alot but its not lol. 
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    MrsTaylor2014MrsTaylor2014
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    Sounds pretty Lavender is one of my favorite colros. And I love the theme. I don't know what theme I'm going for, I'm thinking about tropical or garden is pretty. I'm going to order my dress online. How many bridesmaids? I have 7 on my side, plus a junior brides maid. Our one year old and my nephew are my ring barriers. My god daughter is the flower girl, and I'm deciding on rather I should have another or not. I have so many neices ande I don't want to be unfair. I'll be 26 by the time our wedding happens, but I guess it's better later than never LOL. My brides maids will be wearing ivory or white shoes, and their hair will be pined to the side. I'll let them decide if they want their hair striaght or curly. I have two hostess, and their hair will be up in a lose curly bun. If I go with the peach and Ivory, then the bridesmaid's dress will be green, while the hostess dress will be peach.
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    Mandee89Mandee89 member
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    I only have 1 MOH and 2 Bridesmaids, 1 flower girl and 2 ringbears (sp?) I havent really gotten in to details on what they are going to wear but I think it will be a long dress and probably lavender with a white belt...idk thats up in the air still. I only have my wedding favors figured out and my dress. Tomorrow we are going to go look at a hall that allows us to do our own catering so we will see. I am trying to stay under 8,000 dollars for the wedding minus my dress cause that was already paid for. 
    My engagement party is next month so im just trying to focus on that right now. Its all happening so fast I feel like tho. lol

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    MrsTaylor2014MrsTaylor2014
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    I see what you mean LOL! 2012 went by so fast and I believe 2013 will be here even faster. I want to through an "engagement" or "vow renewal" party on our anniversery. There is a couple of dresses I fell in love with and I'm narrowing it down to the one I belive I'm going to pick. I won't order it though til next month. What are wedding favors? I belive it's good to start planning now because it's less stress.
    It's good to find a venue that allow you to do your own cattering. simply because you don't know how many people will actually show up and I would hate to pay for food only for it to be wasted. I've seen a couple of reception halls, but unfortunatly the one I want I won't be able to reserve until the year before. Which I think sucks because May and June are popular wedding months. What I may have to do is take that day off just to pay for the deposit.

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    MrsTaylor2014MrsTaylor2014
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    I meant "have" not through LOL
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    Mandee89Mandee89 member
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    When is your wedding date? 
    So say its the 17th of May then you would be able to reserve it until the 17th of May 2013? 

    wedding favors are just the gifts for the wedding guest...We are doing "In memory of"  scrolls from American cancer society and then a candy bar.

    Are you doing a white, ivory, or champagne color wedding dress?
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    msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    Avoid the ettiquite board. According to them, you are not a bride if you are married. You only get one wedding; the day you get married. If you are already married and still throw a big white wedding with all the bells and whistles then it comes off as a gift grabby attention seeking self promoting party. The other option is to have a vow-renewal. No ball gown, no bridesmaids, no bridal showers, no first dance, no cake. Because you get those when you get married, or you don't. But they are inappropriate after one is married.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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    mrsofficer2014mrsofficer2014
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    I agree. Have a vow renewal. Or a nice party celebrating your anniversary. Very casual without ALL the bells and whistles of a wedding. 
    **~ Counting Down Till Love Wins**~ 9.20.14
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    MrsTaylor2014MrsTaylor2014
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    I disagree. A vow renewal can be a wedding. If I want to do the whole nine yard wedding, then that's okay. It's more common than you think. Many people can't afford a wedding, so they go to the JP. It DOESN'T mean you are seeking attention, it's simply call having the wedding you didn't have before.
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    Jackieswedding2014Jackieswedding2014
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2014-weddings_im-feeling-left-out-and-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:19d54fbd-7c52-420d-abe6-dce14dfc8da4Discussion:b3af1955-f95e-4606-8a37-13cd5f2c937ePost:e4f427f4-8ab9-47cd-921d-e87ba19a4809">Re: I'm feeling left out and upset</a>:
    [QUOTE]Avoid the ettiquite board. According to them, you are not a bride if you are married. You only get one wedding; the day you get married. If you are already married and still throw a big white wedding with all the bells and whistles then it comes off as a gift grabby attention seeking self promoting party. The other option is to have a vow-renewal. No ball gown, no bridesmaids, no bridal showers, no first dance, no cake. Because you get those when you get married, or you don't. But they are inappropriate after one is married.
    Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]

    That's the most ignorant thing I've heard.....You would be surprised how many people have the big wedding later because they couldn't afford one before. I personally belive every woman have that right to have the wedding of her dreams. And for you to say she's "grabby attention seeking" was uncalled for. SERIOUSLY

    @MrsTaylor2014, you have every right to be the beautiful bride you are meant to be. If you want to have the whole big wedding celebration, go for it. I'm sorry you had to get kicked out of that group. I personally think that was discrimination. I wish you the best, and like Mandee 89 said, get excited!!! Congrats girl and have the wedding of your dreams!
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    MrsTaylor2014MrsTaylor2014
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    Aw thanks Jackie. I looked it up online to see the "proper" way to Renew your vows and sure enough no cake this and no Bridal shower that. Well at this point I don't care, it's very common for people to marry at the JP and have the celebration later. I'm not going to limit myself just because I'm already married. It doesn't matter. I didn't have the actual ceremony and that's exactly what Im going to do. I'm wearing white, having bridesmaids, and yes, even a Bridal shower. It doesn't make me attention seeking, it's just simply celebrating the love of me and my husband with a celebration ceremony. My pastor is fully supportive, and so, is my family. You live life once. And if you want to renew your vows with the ceremony you never have, then do it!!
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    Mandee89Mandee89 member
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    I think you should be able to do whatever you want Mrs. Taylor. It shouldnt matter what other people think because at the end of the day its your life and its what you want. Go for it girl!!!
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    msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
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    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2014-weddings_im-feeling-left-out-and-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:19d54fbd-7c52-420d-abe6-dce14dfc8da4Discussion:b3af1955-f95e-4606-8a37-13cd5f2c937ePost:87e48367-199a-47f2-a8d7-44e0f6de00a6">Re: I'm feeling left out and upset</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm feeling left out and upset : That's the most ignorant thing I've heard.....You would be surprised how many people have the big wedding later because they couldn't afford one before. I personally belive every woman have that right to have the wedding of her dreams. And for you to say she's "grabby attention seeking" was uncalled for. SERIOUSLY Posted by Jackieswedding2014[/QUOTE]

    I suppose that is one way to look at it. The other is that as adults we make decisions. With those decisions come consequences. If a couple chooses to get married at the court, for whatever reason, then that is their choice. They supposedly weighed the options of a big white wedding (which may mean waiting years till it is affordable, not being married when a child is born, or paying one's own expensive bills in the meantime) and having an intimate courthouse wedding immediately. They chose the courthouse wedding. Which means giving up a traditional wedding.

    Now, I don't know you, and what you do in your life doesn't bother me. But your insults do. I'm certainly not ignorant. I am actually very knowledgeable, and that includes some of the rules of etiquette. The boards have been great as sources of information.

    The point is, don't be surprised that your view isn't the only one out there. And don't be upset by the etiquette rules and those that think what you are doing is wrong. You have a choice. Accept that holding a wedding after being married is against etiquette and will be side-eyed by some others. Or, don't have a big white wedding and have a nice vow renewal.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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    MrsTaylor2014MrsTaylor2014
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2014-weddings_im-feeling-left-out-and-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:19d54fbd-7c52-420d-abe6-dce14dfc8da4Discussion:b3af1955-f95e-4606-8a37-13cd5f2c937ePost:197c34ce-3a53-4670-b653-5587e2caf848">Re: I'm feeling left out and upset</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm feeling left out and upset : I suppose that is one way to look at it. The other is that as adults we make decisions. With those decisions come consequences. If a couple chooses to get married at the court, for whatever reason, then that is their choice. They supposedly weighed the options of a big white wedding (which may mean waiting years till it is affordable, not being married when a child is born, or paying one's own expensive bills in the meantime) and having an intimate courthouse wedding immediately. They chose the courthouse wedding. Which means giving up a traditional wedding. Now, I don't know you, and what you do in your life doesn't bother me. But your insults do. I'm certainly not ignorant. I am actually very knowledgeable, and that includes some of the rules of etiquette. The boards have been great as sources of information. The point is, don't be surprised that your view isn't the only one out there. And don't be upset by the etiquette rules and those that think what you are doing is wrong. You have a choice. Accept that holding a wedding after being married is against etiquette and will be side-eyed by some others. Or, don't have a big white wedding and have a nice vow renewal.
    Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]
    IMO it doesn't matter if I made the decision to go to the JP or not. Not everyone is privliged to afford the big wedding. So the propor Equidate (sp?) means nothing to me at this point. My vow renewal will be treated as a wedding, I strongly believe in wedding do-overs. Now if you're like that lady Jackie Christian who has a wedding every year, then I can understand that being inappropriate. I can understand if you had that big wedding. But for some people to say you made that choice to marry at the JP and you shouldn't treat a vow renewal as an actual wedding, is a bit unfair. To me, there is no difference except the words.
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    MsSparklewhite85MsSparklewhite85
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2014-weddings_im-feeling-left-out-and-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:19d54fbd-7c52-420d-abe6-dce14dfc8da4Discussion:b3af1955-f95e-4606-8a37-13cd5f2c937ePost:bad0724c-b677-4e7f-a1de-f55acbf21771">Re: I'm feeling left out and upset</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm feeling left out and upset : IMO it doesn't matter if I made the decision to go to the JP or not. Not everyone is privliged to afford the big wedding. So the propor Equidate (sp?) means nothing to me at this point. My vow renewal will be treated as a wedding, I strongly believe in wedding do-overs. Now if you're like that lady Jackie Christian who has a wedding every year, then I can understand that being inappropriate. I can understand if you had that big wedding. But for some people to say you made that choice to marry at the JP and you shouldn't treat a vow renewal as an actual wedding, is a bit unfair. To me, there is no difference except the words.
    Posted by MrsTaylor2014[/QUOTE]

    Okay so I sense this is getting a little heated LOL...some very strong views. So I will respectfully put my two cents in. One thing some people have to understand that due to religious reasons, it's traditional to have the classic wedding even if they go the the courthouse to get married. That's understandable. And regardless, the "you only get one wedding" view I have to disagree. To be married for several years is a big accomplisment. I'm sure marrage isn't easy. So why not celebrate with a huge ceramony with the bridesmaids, the cake especially if you didn't get that chance the first time. I gonna agree with Mrs.Taylor2014 on this one. So what the proper way to renew your vows is to skip the big gown, veil, whatever? It's your life, It's your celebration, Get it girl!! That's nothing to be ashamed of. Not every bride has parents who can pay for the whole thing, so due to budeting or certain situations they go to the courthouse. It's not exactly everyone's choice, it's more of let's do what we can now, then have the "wedding" later. Like my religion, It's a sin to live with my fiance unless we're married. So for those who don't think someone should treat a vow renewal more casually than a wedding should be a little more open minded. I'm in full support of what you're doing Mrs. Taylor. Do what makes you happy. If you didn't have a bridal shower before, have one with gifts if you want. Who cares what the tradition is behind that. You didn't have it before, do what makes you happy!
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