Moms and Maids

Mother of the Groom issues...HELP

My fiance and I were looking for a small and intimate wedding...75 guests tops!  Not to mention that we are also on a budget.  Each and every day, and I mean multiple times a day, my future m.i.l is calling us adding her friends to the invite list.  People that my fiance does not even know! It's getting out of hand, especially since his moms side seem to be only concerned about the reception.  She is NOT contributing in anyway to our wedding financially, and my fiance and I both agree that this is out of hand.  How does he politely tell her enough is enough?

Re: Mother of the Groom issues...HELP

  • If she is not paying, you need to tell her to stop adding people to her list.  Also have FI sit down with her (it's his mom, his problem) that she has too many on her list and to pare it down to x amount of people. 

    Did you give her a limit to how many people she could invite?  Or did you say MIL, please write out your list.
  • "Mom, Melmar and I have finished working up the budget and what we can afford.  You can invite XX amount of people."  Done.
  • You should tell her how many guests she is allowed. Ask her to give you her guest list, with names and addresses by whatever date you need them. If you are sending out save the dates, don't send them until your list is finalized.
                       
  • Also, tell her not to call you with people. Give her a number to invite and a deadline for providing the list in writing. You'll just lose your notes from all the phone calls.

    I recommend tiered deadlines. We gave my future mother-in-law a deadline very early in the planning to list households invited, number of people in the household, and the region where they lived. [Lots of overseas guests on my fiance's side.] Anyone not on that list would not be taken into acount in choosing a venue, setting the budget, etc.

    When we order our invitations, we'll set another deadline for formal first and last names for all her guests, full mailing addresses, and an electronic form of contact (phone number or e-mail in case they don't RSVP). If she can't get us that info on time, they won't be invited.

    This way it's not overwhelming, but you lock down the number of invitees early
  • [QUOTE]"Mom, Melmar and I have finished working up the budget and what we can afford.  You can invite XX amount of people."  Done.
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    <div>This exactly.  Let it come from her son.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-issueshelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2ea5b8a2-0834-476a-9cb0-61d1a7c7c45dPost:57b8740b-6b4a-4869-b1f7-fc2762a992de">Re: Mother of the Groom issues...HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]"Mom, Melmar and I have finished working up the budget and what we can afford.  You can invite XX amount of people."  Done.
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    This.  When determining that XX number I'd recommend you <strong>don't</strong> just divide by three and say 25 her, 25 you/FI, 25 your parents.  I'd write your guest list, including all of your and FIs family that you wants present and then send her that list and say "is there anyone not on this list you'd like to invite?  You can add up to X people"  Where X is the number of seats remaining / 2 (assuming your parents get to fill the other half)
  • Also let her know that if your FI has to be introduced to her guests at his wedding because he's never met them before, they aren't making the final guest list.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-of-groom-issueshelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2ea5b8a2-0834-476a-9cb0-61d1a7c7c45dPost:832c06de-9433-4922-9759-137f2849e0ad">Re: Mother of the Groom issues...HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mother of the Groom issues...HELP : This.  When determining that XX number I'd recommend you don't just divide by three and say 25 her, 25 you/FI, 25 your parents.  I'd write your guest list, including all of your and FIs family that you wants present and then send her that list and say "is there anyone not on this list you'd like to invite?  You can add up to X people"  Where X is the number of seats remaining / 2 (assuming your parents get to fill the other half)
    Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

    This is good advice. I would write up a list of guests that you want first. See if you even have any extra room. If you have to end up cutting family in order to accommodate her strangers, than that isn't ok. See if there is room and then let her know how many seats are available. If she pitches a fit, then tell her that you don't have the budget for it and end things there. I also agree that your FI should be the one going to bat here. It will be better received coming from him.
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