Military Brides

Living apart the first year

So I'm kind of new at this, so forgive me. My fiance and I have been engaged for almost a year now. When we had first talked about getting married, we were thinking about spring of 2012, making it a 2 year engagement. Well, he is now deployed, and I graduated from college, but I am hoping to get accepted to physical therapy school, so I will have 3 more years of school. He comes home soon, so we have a bit of time before my school starts again, if I get accpeted. We've been talking about getting married before I go to school. Would being married and living across the country be too difficult, or a dumb idea for a year, until he is out of the military?

Re: Living apart the first year

  • Beachy730Beachy730
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    Well H and I were LDR the whole time we dated, but we only lived about 2 hours apart so we could see eachother every weekend at least.  We got married in July, and have since PCS'd across the country.  Now H is deployed, so half of our first year of marriage we will be on other sides of the world.  Not my ideal situation by any means, but thats how it worked for us. 

    I agree with PP.  Obviously its important for you to finish school, and you're doing that.  As for getting married before your 3rd year or not, thats your choice.  You could end up waiting until you're done with school, and then he could get deployed so you would be alone anywys in your first year.  There are many couples that are apart for months at a time because of work and things like that too.  Its just whats best for you and your FI.  But no, I don't see anything wrong with getting married and being apart for the first year. 
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  • erinmoore4erinmoore4
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    My fiance and I are both currently Active Duty AF. We are getting married in Feb, right before he leaves for Korea for a year. We know it will be difficult for us but we made the decision we felt was right. Also, since we are active duty our marriage status affects our follow on base. If we weren't to get married then we would have been apart for much longer than a year. But like PPs said, only you know waht is right for y'all.
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  • edited December 2011
    My fiance and I will be apart for at least a year when we first get married as well. We are both in the Army. I am in the reserves right now while I am in medical school. We had to choose between getting married during medical school and being apart while I finish rotations, or getting married when I graduate but having a long delay to get stationed together. We decided to get married during school and visit each other as we can, so that when I go on active duty, we can be stationed together. Either way we have a long engagement and will be separated for a while. The PPs are right, you never know what is going to happen, you could wait until you're done with school and he may get deployed the first year anyways. I sort of had to give up on finding a "logical" time to get married. I don't think there's a right way to do it, so hopefully you can find a balance that works best for the two of you. It'll just be an adjustment haivng to be separated when you first start your marriage, but I think life is an ongoing adjustment anyways!
  • melbelle24melbelle24
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I'm in almost the exact same situation as you. I'm in my second year of med school, and my FI has a little over a year left in his contract with the Marines. We got engaged this summer, and after a long talk decided that it would be best for us to wait until he gets out to get married (that's also a 2 year engagement). I completely understand the "I want to get married now" feeling... I had it too. But after thinking long and hard about it, we decided that waiting would be a better option for us. We've been LDR almost the entire 3 years we've been dating, with him being stationed about 14 hours from where I live.

    My advice would be to wait. Especially if he's getting out in a year, and most especially if you're going to PT school. I don't know a whole lot about it, but if it's anything like the first year of med school, it's HARD to make it through with your relationship intact. And that's not saying anything about how strong/weak your relationship is, I just know how much time and energy school takes, and it makes it harder to keep a relationship going. In my first year, I saw so many relationships crack that I lost count. I also saw some that made it through just fine, or maybe even stronger for the experience. But I hope you realize that adding on being newly married AND being separated from your new hubby for your first year of school could cause even more problems. Ultimately, though, the only ones that can really make this decision are you and your FI. Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree that you need to do whats best for you guys. If that means having the Wedding of your dreams then being apart for a while. Go for it. Of Course it's not ideal. But its reality. :) PPs make a valid pt that it would be the same as if he was deployed again. But this way you are stay where you are and finish what you have to do first.
  • michelle227michelle227
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Hi!  I am currently engaged, FI is active duty, and in my last year of PT school.  I can understand what you're going through.  My FI and I have been together for years and our plan that we originally came up with was that we'd get married after I graduated from PT school, which is what we are doing.  I just wanted to offer what I could since I'm almost through PT school and can give you an idea of what it's like. 

    I think you said he has about a year left...did you mean as of now or as of 2012?  Anyhow, with you starting PT school in 2011 and graduating in 2014, I certainly understand wanting to be married and it's not at all a dumb idea to do a year of long distance marriage, not ideal, but it kinda goes along with being a military wife!  PT school is very tough and stressful.  When you're not in class, you're studying lectures for those classes and are also practicing what you learned in lab for your lab practicals, which are hands on with a "patient".  I'm not sure how long distance you and FI would be 2hr car ride vs. 2 hr plane ride, but I think going into PT school you probably shouldn't expect to see each other as often as you might think.  Your weekends will be spent studying and who knows when they have training....in all honesty, right now once every two months is what FI and I are able to do.  It is stressful (school) and of course I miss him like crazy, knowing he is back from deployment and I still can't be with him.  Which stinks, but it's the end goal that keeps you going!  You've really got to devote yourself to PT school and of course a marriage!  I think you can very easily do a long distance marriage for a year of PT school with the plan of him moving to where are are once he is out, for your remaining 2 years! 

    I hope I didn't sound negative, just trying to be informative!  PT school is tough, but SO rewarding!  Which is why I'm sure you want to be a PT.
  • melbelle24melbelle24
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I realize that I'm in the minority here, thinking that it would make more sense to wait, but I really just have one question for OP - Why would you want to get married just to spend a stressful year away from him? If you have a good reason for that, more than simply "because I want to get married now", then go for it. I just don't quite understand all the responses that say "he could get deployed and you'd spend your first year apart even if you wait", especially if you said that he only has a year left. But that's just my opinion.
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  • LaurelindorenLaurelindoren
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011

    My husband and I got married in a court house while he was on mid tour leave from Iraq. About a month ago he found out that he was going to be in Kuwait for about 4 months after his tour in Iraq. So it ended up being, in my eyes, for the best.

     

    We’ll be having our wedding ceremony during his next leave.

     

    Make sure you take care of things like getting your military ID and insurance as soon as possible. Make sure you understand the insurance policy, since there are only certain doctors and hospitals they cover. I suggest getting about 4 wedding certificates because the military will need at least one copy. That’s all I can think of off of the top of my head.

  • jowens1jowens1
    Knottie Warrior First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    I get married next month and shortly after the wedding my fiancée will deploy to Iraq. I am in school as well so it works great. I will be finishing up my last year while he is deployed. Ultimately the decision is up to you but being couples being apart for a year or so is manageable. Best wishes and congrats on your engagement. 


  • LaurelindorenLaurelindoren
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011

    My husband and I got married in a court house while he was on mid tour leave from Iraq. About a month ago he found out that he was going to be in Kuwait for about 4 months after his tour in Iraq. So it ended up being, in my eyes, for the best.

     

    We’ll be having our wedding ceremony during his next leave.

     

    Make sure you take care of things like getting your military ID and insurance as soon as possible. Make sure you understand the insurance policy, since there are only certain doctors and hospitals they cover. I suggest getting about 4 wedding certificates because the military will need at least one copy. That’s all I can think of off of the top of my head.

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