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What to do with my FMIL?

doodlebugs787doodlebugs787
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in Wedding Woes
My mother in law gave my finance and I a hefty list of 38 family members and 19 family friends simply for her side when we began planning our small, 70-90 person wedding.  We have stretched the wedding to fit more guests, but now we are inviting 130 and cannot fit anymore in our venue.  We had to make some cuts to her family friends list, but still included all 38 family members and 13 or the 19 family friends.  The people we choose to cut are people whom my finance has not seen or spoken to in 10 years, but neighbors who have moved away.  Needless to say she is very upset, but how do we explain to her that this is a necessary cut and that we cannot invite everyone?  Are we being too harsh?  It is either we take out some of her friends or we have to cut our friends which we are hesitant to do.  I feel like it is unreasonable that she is being so forceful when she is not paying for the wedding?   Advice?  
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Re: What to do with my FMIL?

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    HinajHinaj member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If she is not paying for the wedding, she does not have that much say in the guest list.  But it seems both of you are being very accomodating to who she wants to invite.  So no you guys are not being harsh.  I would say either your FI or both of you sit down and explain it to her that while you guys don't have a problem inviting her friends/family, the venue literally cannot hold anymore and the people you did cut are people your FI does not keep in contact with, you guys are working within a budget, etc. 

    And if she is still being unreasonable, just do the best you can to convince her of your argument, but if she is not contributing in the budget of the wedding, I personally don't see why she has to get her way.

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    GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    why are you explaining?
    giving people reasons = engaging them and making them think they have a SAY in this.

    Assuming she's not funding things, she doesn't have a say.  "no.  It's not possible to add more.  I'm sorry you're disapointed, but this is what we have decided to do.  It's not open to discussion.'
    wallah, all fixed.
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    psichickpsichick
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    so you wanted a wedding with 70 or so people and she wanted to invite 50? hahahahaha

    tell her that she is welcome to invite whoever she wants if she wants to contribute to paying for those extra people. your budget allows for x number of people, and sacrafices needed to be made.

    you should definetly NOT cut down your friend list just to invite people that she wants there. remember, this is YOUR day, not hers.
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    Theresa626Theresa626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    totally agreed with GBCK. Also, your fiance needs to say this not you. 
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    krmabojokrmabojo
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would say that if she is not paying for your wedding, do what you want. It is YOUR day. :)

    You and your FI want people there that you both care about and that care about you. A friend of your mother's that she has not seen in 5 years should not be invited. Simple as that.
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