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Wedding Problem

[Deleted User][Deleted User]
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in Wisconsin
My fiance and I got engaged last Christmas. We haven't set a date yet because he has been off of work since last November due to an injury which required surgery and has been a slow recovery process. Anyway his grandfather's health is starting to decline so we would like to have him at our wedding so we are discussing the possibility of have a smaller ceramony next year at the family pond and the having a small intimate reception because of cost. We then would have a bigger reception once we had the money to do so. What are others thoughts or ideas on this because I am not sure what else we can do?
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Re: Wedding Problem

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    itzMSitzMS member
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    Unfortunately, you can't do this from an etiquette perspective.

    It's perfectly fine to have a small ceremony/reception if having grandpa around is important. But, you only get one wedding day...this means no "large reception" later (or Pretty Princess Day as it is frequently called on The Knot).

    My suggestion would be to get married when you and your FI want to and can afford the celebration you would prefer.
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    dlthompson22dlthompson22
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    I know how you feel. MY FI and I have been engaged for 2 years now due to medical we had to post pone it until further notice. He is no longer able to work so it makes things much harder. We also had talked about doing a small ceremony so Grandma could attend before her health worsened but later decided against it.She did record a video for us in which we will play at our wedding.My mom has it put away and no one has seen it... I have no idea what's on the video and decided to play it on our wedding day.  We both settled with the fact that Grandma knew we were both happy and that the day will come soon. That was a big relief off our shoulders. Financially we were't ready when before Grandma pass away and I could'nt see myself straining to make someone else happy. In the end you must do what is best for you both. I do wish you the best of luck. Maybe something like that will work for you all.
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_wedding-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:118Discussion:e8e3304e-18ed-4667-b2de-62031d9a2286Post:39a7637f-fb3b-4ccf-a14a-9678d3beeb10">Wedding Problem</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I got engaged last Christmas. We haven't set a date yet because he has been off of work since last November due to an injury which required surgery and has been a slow recovery process. Anyway his grandfather's health is starting to decline so we would like to have him at our wedding so we are discussing the possibility of have a smaller ceramony next year at the family pond and the having a small intimate reception because of cost. We then would have a bigger reception once we had the money to do so. What are others thoughts or ideas on this because I am not sure what else we can do?
    Posted by Korie35[/QUOTE]
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    Stina51286Stina51286 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    I agree with Itz. If you cant afford to have a big party now, do the small one if it is that important for Gpa to be there and don't plan a bigger one for later down the road.

     

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    remijpremijp
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    Etiquette is subjective and it's entirely up to you, your future spouse, and your families to decide what works best. If you want a small intimate ceremony and low key reception to be sure the important people are there, do it. If you want to have a big blowout celebration of your marriage later on, do it. We're eloping for the legal wedding with close friends at a nice restaurant this fall for personal reasons, then having a big family wedding in the summer with vows, ring warming, and big dance party next summer. 
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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_wedding-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:118Discussion:e8e3304e-18ed-4667-b2de-62031d9a2286Post:2d32d5b8-61ec-491b-ba78-b9efe2093148">Re: Wedding Problem</a>:
    [QUOTE]Etiquette is subjective and it's entirely up to you, your future spouse, and your families to decide what works best. If you want a small intimate ceremony and low key reception to be sure the important people are there, do it. If you want to have a big blowout celebration of your marriage later on, do it. We're eloping for the legal wedding with close friends at a nice restaurant this fall for personal reasons, then having a big family wedding in the summer with vows, ring warming, and big dance party next summer. 
    Posted by remijp[/QUOTE]

    No, etiquette is not subjective. It is not appropriate to say vows when you're already married and have a "Pretty Princess Day" and pretend like your legal marriage didn't happen. Your legal marriage IS your wedding. It is your choice to get married by elopement. No law prevents you from throwing a Pretty Princess Day back home later on, but that certainly doesn't make it good etiquette. Just because they do it on Four Weddings and other TV shows, that doesn't make it OK.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
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    I had a friend who got married on the beach in Jamaica. Just the two of them. When they returned they had a big reception. I didn't really think of it as bad manners. Honestly I don't really care about the gifts and if we get them or not since this will be my second marriage, and we already have most of the things we need anyway.
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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_wedding-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:118Discussion:e8e3304e-18ed-4667-b2de-62031d9a2286Post:0f090283-d086-43f2-b6d5-f75840eefaff">Re:Wedding Problem</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I had a friend who got married on the beach in Jamaica. Just the two of them. When they returned they had a big reception</strong>. I didn't really think of it as bad manners. Honestly I don't really care about the gifts and if we get them or not since this will be my second marriage, and we already have most of the things we need anyway.
    Posted by Korie35[/QUOTE]

    If it is held the weekend or so that they return from the Destination Wedding ceremony location, that's called an At Home Reception (AHR) and is more widely accepted.

    When a couple has a small/private wedding or a courthouse wedding and then several months or years later throw a big party, dress up in wedding attire, have BM/GM, say vows, do cake cutting, first dances, etc, pretending as if it is their wedding day and their legal marriage never occured, it is really impolite.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
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    I was planning on only exchanging vows once and doing everything only once. I just wanted to have a party for all of the people who couldn't attend our exchange of vows.
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    Benigrl28Benigrl28 member
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    Your idea sounds beautiful! Everyone who knows you will understand and you can have a vow rennewal and recptions later when you can better afford it. Lots of people do the same thing. Your love ones will get to join in on your special day and you still get to have a great reception later on down the line. 
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    catherinegannoncatherinegannon
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    Your idea sounds beautiful! Everyone who knows you will understand ... I agree with PP
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    stina&bradstina&brad member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I agree with previous poster. Anyone who matters in your life will know your intentions, and be happy to be able to celebrate with you at the second reception. Do what is right for you two and for your family. I have been a wedding planner for over 10 years now and this is the advice I would give any one of ny clients. Also the advice I plan to follow now that I get to plan my own wedding. etiquette should be followed, yes....to an extent! What trumps etiquette is what is important to you, your groom, and your personal situation. Do what makes you happy and the people that truly matter will be thrilled right along with you!
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