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annoyed

saracksarack
First Comment Combo Breaker
in Washington-Seattle

i'm so excited to get married. I love my FI and am so happy that we've been together 10 years this year and will be together forever. That said, this wedding thing is annoying me.. well not so much the wedding itself, but inviting people.

So last year when I got engaged on April 12, 2009, I called all of my family to tell them. Then I talked to family about it on myspace/facebook and made sure they knew the date. One of my cousins who I'd prefer not to invite anyway told me.. well I usually work on Saturdays so I don't know if I'll be able to attend. um... my wedding is in OVER a YEAR! you can't try to get the day off?
 
I also have an aunt who I'd rather not invite because my family has a tendency of going places with an entourage. It can never just be my aunt and her son... it has to be my aunt, her son, his 'daughter who is the daughter of one of his ex girlfriends that he randomly has supposed custody of that isn't actually his... then they add some other kid that is supposedly my aunt's grandson.. mind you her son doesn't have any children... and then she has all of these other 'kids' that has to come. I also have some cousins that i'm not inviting becasue they'll just bring like 5 of their friends... it is just a lot of white trash-ish type of sh!t going on.. i know you can't choose your family but i can accidently drop peoples invites in the trash instead of in the mailbox. right?

so after i sent out save the dates, i wrote something on FB that said, i wish my family and friends would visit my wedding website, it was on the std that i sent out.. my cousin who said she couldn't make it was like.. 'i didn't get anything'. So then i decided that i should still invite this cousin and aunt. I told the cousin i ran ou of stds and talked to my aunt and told her that i need her address but because space is limited, i can only invite her and her son. she told me that unless her entourage is welcome, she can't attend. we also aren't having children at our wedding. I think that is really quite ridiculous that she can't attend her ACTUAL nieces wedding because one of her friends that isn't taking care of their kids decided to dump their kid off at her house and is now her grandson... it is fing crazy. it is probably better that she won't come but should i even send an invitation?

also, my uncle always wears jeans... i guess he made a comment to my grandma that he doesn't think he can afford some slacks and a button up shirt. you can buy that for 40 bucks at walmart or target.. you can also go to ross or something or thrift stores... it just seems a little silly that i told him my wedding was last year and he is saying he can't afford some slacks..

i'm sorry but i'm putting on a wedding, not a casual backyard bbq and i'm dressing up and spending tons so you can spend a little.. and you have time still so save 10 bucks a month and there you go.

flame away, i'm just sick of people acting ridiculous. i'm so frustrated.. there has only been one other wedding in my family so obviously weddings aren't very common so they don't know ettiquette.. but you'd think they'd learn something. it is SO frustrating.

rant over...

What would you do about the cousin and the aunt/son?

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Re: annoyed

  • jennuinnejennuinne member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't know.  Families are a peculiar thing and no one knows them like you.  So, I'd say go w/ your gut.  I guess, if you have room, send invites and hope they don't come?  And let them know its a limited invitation, not bring everyone you know? 
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  • alyssa324alyssa324 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I say dont invite them LOL I am heartless.

    like pp said you know them best. its probably a good idea to invite them but I would make it clear on the invite (since they dont know about etiquette anyhow) that no children are invited and they is only room for 2 rsvps
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  • carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Invite the ppl you have room for.  If they choose not to come b/c you didn't invite their whole brood, then that's their (lame) call.  If your uncle can't manage slacks and a button-up, then he can decline also.  Or show up in jeans, in which case it won't really affect your day and will just reflect poorly on him.  Either way - his call.

    I think it's *really* easy to get caught up in other people's drama and details - especially when they tell you about it (when they shouldn't!) and try to lay it on you and try to make it seem like their choices (to wear jeans or require extra folks be invited) are really yours.  You need to let it go!  Those decisions aren't yours.  You make yours, then they'll make theirs.

    I'm finding that I can't take on everyone else's issues.  Our guests are adults - they make their own choices, and they live with their consequences.
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  • alyssa324alyssa324 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ahh carrie is always so wise with perfect advise :)
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  • TygirljojoTygirljojo
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Carrie.  Invite who you can due to size and space.  Cousin (or cousin + 1) and if she marks more than you invited, then you'll just have to call her and tell her "Due to size we only have so much space..." etc but cross that bridge when you get to it (hopefully you don't).  As for the aunt, ditto.  If she can't come, then "darn."  Her choice.  You invited her.  Or tell her you'd be happy to extend the invite to the extra people, she just needs to cough up the $$ for them.  Sorry - but people demanding others be invited is a big pet peeve of mine. 

    As for the uncle, again, "Darn." FWIW, FI and I attended a wedding a couple years ago where one family out of 100 guests showed up wearing jeans.  Oh yeah, and a lady was wearing a bright blue, too-tight, clubbing style dress.  It was awesome.  It was a bit odd, but we figured it was family and they probably got confused/are in a different...um...style catergory than most people.  I don't think any less of the couple - I actually like them.  You can't control family.  But you can control your guest list. Wink
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  • carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_annoyed-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:3f73c67c-2af5-47d3-9723-d52194c7bae5Post:c17d53a7-7ac5-4469-952e-5fe0ed6d9f93">Re: annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]ahh carrie is always so wise with perfect advise :)
    Posted by alyssa324[/QUOTE]
    Hah. Only b/c I'm trying really hard to follow that advice (long story probably meant for FB).  It's not easy, but absolutely necessary to keep from going wedding-crazy.  :)
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  • elleh08elleh08
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Family drama is the worst and I'm sure we all have it to some degree. So sorry for all the people inviting themselves I'm in the same boat so I can totally relate. I agree that just invite who you can and if they say they want to bring other people and they won't come without them, then oh well! More room for other friends/family that really want to be there and will repect your wishes and dress code! hehe
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  • KST_KST_
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    *Hugs* Nothing else to add as PP all said it perfectly :D
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  • rachipooh7rachipooh7 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    argh! i am sorry!! you shouldnt have to deal with people like that but unfort. you do
    :(

    I know how you feel, the day after I got engaged I called one of my grandmas and told her and she sounded excited for me etc etc but then out of know where she was like oh well i wont be able to attend your wedding... and i was like UH?? im not getting married for another YEAR?! and you are already telling me this? wow awesome! thank you!

    but its whatever... they way i look at it is the people who really care and love me will be there at my wedding and  i cant control my crazy family...cuz my gma is not the only one telling me this and people are trying to control my wedding and make my decisions.. and i just keep telling myself its MY wedding... MINE! haha LOL

    but do what you feel is right! i mean if you want to invite your aunt just put on the invite her name and her son's name and thats it... if she declines then its her loss not yours :)

    GL!

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  • ArchelArchel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_annoyed-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:3f73c67c-2af5-47d3-9723-d52194c7bae5Post:980159a4-e810-43d0-a4fe-e2eca241373f">Re: annoyed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto Carrie.  ....  You can't control family.  But you can control your guest list.
    Posted by Tygirljojo[/QUOTE]

    <strong>This</strong>

    And yeah, family drama is the worst.  If it was me, I wouldn't invite the cousin and aunt - hey, they already said they couldn't make it!
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