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April 2012 Weddings
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Father-Daughter dance? Conflicted (long)

kmac821kmac821
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in April 2012 Weddings
Hi April brides! Wanted to get your opinions on this one...

My dad and I have a *very* strained relationship and have for many years (blame it on him cheating on my mom with her best friend... and still saying he didn't do it to this day... and yes she is coming to the wedding). We are like friendly acquaintances at best, and I see him about once every few months, and talk to him maybe once every 6 weeks--if that. It's actually fine with me, and the more I see/talk to him the more aggravated I get, so better to make our few meetings slightly good, right? Right now I'm trying to be nice because of course he offered to provide a small (keyword) amount of money towards the wedding. Despite my mom groaning about it, he will be walking me down the aisle, which being his only daughter (of 4 kids) is the least I could do.

I saw him for dinner on Sunday and asked him if he wanted to do a father-daughter dance. My dad does not dance, and at my brother's wedding 3 years ago it was possibly the awkwardest thing to see him dance with my sister-in-law (and he never asked me to dance). I kinda don't want to do a dance with him, but I know that my fiance and his mom want to do a dance (she is really excited about it and has a song picked out already).

Is it strange for a mother-son dance, but not a father-daughter dance? What are you guys doing? Is it possible for my dad and I to just crash the last minute or so of the mother-son dance without stealing my MILs thunder?
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Re: Father-Daughter dance? Conflicted (long)

  • karenmruffkarenmruff
    First Comment
    I'm sorry to hear that this is overshadowing your wedding plans, but it sounds like you have been handling it as well as can be expected.  As for the father-daughter dance, it's not required, although I think it's good to talk to everyone involved to avoid hurt feelings.  

    My father does not really dance, so we are modifying things from the traditional format.  I will dance with him at the same time that F dances with FMIL.  We'll all sway for a minute, tops, then the DJ will invite other parents and children to join us.

    If your FMIL is excited to do a dance with her son, it would probably be good to find a way to let that happen.  If your father also wants to dance, you could do a shared dance, as you suggest.  If he isn't interested, then don't do a father-daughter dance.  Maybe fiance and FMIL could do a little choreographed number so it doesn't seem weird that you aren't dancing?  It doesn't have to be super involved.
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  • rarditorardito member
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    What did he say when you asked him?

    I wouldn't "crash" your FI's dance...I would either set it up so that you were both dancing at the same time to the same song or just do them separately.

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  • blgroutblgrout
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    I don't think it's strange to do a mother-son dance without a father-daughter dance.  We're doing the opposite--FI doesn't like dancing and doesn't want to dance with his mom, but my dad and I really want to have that father-daughter dance, so we're doing one without the other.

    I think if you wanted to crash their dance in the last minute that would be ok too (crash is the wrong word but you KWIM), just to get that dance in there, if he really wants to.  I think the bigger question is if YOU want to--because if you don't, you shouldn't have to. 

    I hope things go smoothly between your parents at your wedding!
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  • FutureMrsWright2012FutureMrsWright2012 member
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    I'm with Rardito... It sounds like you already asked your dad to do it... what was his response? If he said "yes", then I would have a hard time changing my mind and telling him... "actually, nevermind, I don't want to do it after all."

    As I said in another post about this, we're not doing either parent dances. FMIL isn't invited to the wedding, and my dad "can't get the time off work". I think it works to do both, one, or none. I agree with PP's ideas of either have separate, designated songs, or doing both at the same time if you are planning to do both. I think the bigger question is whether or not your dad responded. If he did, then you should probably go forward with it one way or another.

    Good luck!
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