Maid of Honor backed out

maymiebride · April 2010

My maid of honor just backed out of my wedding. I am thinking of asking my cousin to replace her but I dont want her to think or know she was a back-up. How can I go about this? The wedding is in 3 months

beamer84 · April 2010

You should lurk on some fo the other boards. This question keeps coming up. Do NOT replace your MOH. You asked her over your cousin for a reason. It will be fine to have a BP without a MOH. For ettiquette reasons, you should never "replace" a bridesmaid or MOH.

quotequeen · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-backed-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:dae735fa-2079-4bf5-b2e4-a509525d6573Post:b98d2888-bd32-4e48-a4c2-fa3fb55470d5">Maid of Honor backed out</a>:
[QUOTE]My maid of honor just backed out of my wedding. I am thinking of asking my cousin to replace her but <strong>I dont want her to think or know she was a back-up</strong>. How can I go about this? The wedding is in 3 months
Posted by 7831726533361016[/QUOTE]

But she <strong>is</strong> a backup. The reason you don't want her to realize that is that you already know it's not polite, and replacing somebody makes them seem like props.

Whippet8 · April 2010

ditto both of the posts before me.

jagore08 · April 2010

There is no reason that you need to replace your MOH. It's ok to let the sides be uneven. A lot of brides have no MOH and all BM. There is no way you can ask someone 3 months before your wedding to be in your WP without them knowing they're a back up or stand in.

bethsmiles · April 2010

Don't replace her. Just leave everyone in the positions they already are.

Kniblet · April 2010

Please, do NOT replace her.

melissamc2 · April 2010

I see nothing wrong with asking someone else. Sometimes things just don't work and life changes. No shame in that.

Odds are very high that you or your fiance had been involved with someone else before meeting one another. Do you feel you've replaced your ex, or ARE a replacment, or have you just moved on - and happily so?

It'd be silly to give up on having a MoH just because the first one backed out. Your cousin would likely still be thrilled to be asked because it means you thought of her. If she wasn't crying over not being asked when you had the other girl, why would she start now?

dannysgirl12 · May 2010

My MOH backed out too, last week. My wedding is June 19th. We were having a small bridal party, just 3 couples, 2 of which are our children. None of my friends or family thought it would be in bad taste to have somebody else. I had thought about the financial strain that it could put on the person now being asked on such short notice. My fiance & I decided to pay for the dress & shoes. I wondered how I could do it without an adult friend or family member helping me with everything we all know a MOH helps with. It turns out because it is short notice I am not able to find somebody else. But I'm OK with that now. We'll just have the best man standing at the altar with my fiance. Then the other 2 couples can still walk down the aisle as an even number. We'll have to ask another adult to sign the marriage license instead of the MOH, but that's OK too.

I say do what you feel is right and what works best for your wedding day. You have been put in a tough position. I'm there now. I know what you're going through. In this kind of a situation family & friends should be sympathetic, not judgmental or offended. They should want to do whatever they can to help make your day as perfect & memorable as it can be, and be honored that they get to share in it. But if you aren't able to find somebody else, it will be OK too. Good luck!

llgus · May 2010

I don't see anything wrong with asking someone to fill in and possibly adding a person.
I had a bridesmaid back out, then called a few months later to say she could be in it. When she backed out, I asked my PA to be a bridesmaid and told her the story and it was fine. When the bridesmaid that backed out told me she was back, we just added a groomsman to the WP.
As long as you're honest with everyone it should be fine. I was struggling if I was going to ask someone else that was already a part of the wedding party or a different friend ... a co-worker of mine told me it'd be an honor to be "called up from the minor league team," and the person you ask to fill in shouldn't be upset about it.

Maid of Honor backed out

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