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BM not participating

mlhelmke1mlhelmke1
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
Ok. Readers digest version. I have 5 BMs and the wedding is in 4 months. Everything else is planned, booked ect except for the girls dresses. I have contacted 4 of them about getting together. The fifth one is not really getting back to me. I keep getting the text " I'm busy. I'll call you tomorrow" and then not getting a call. I don't want to be a bridezilla but I am starting to get annoyed. I also know that it's a big no no to ditch someone after you have asked them to be in your wedding (although it's starting to look more woth it everyday!) I have been trying to contact her for about three weeks. Any suggestions?
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Re: BM not participating

  • mlhelmke1mlhelmke1
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    sorry wrong board!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think its the wrong board at all. I would leave her a nice msg or whatever and tell her that it is serious that she be able to be contacted and willing to do what you need her to do to go shopping for the dresses. If their schedules all don't work out, you may have to be flexible and plan 2 or more different days to go with all of the girls. If after trying and still no success, I would tell her that you are going to ask someone else bc you are getting the feeling that she doesn't want to participate anymore and you need to be able to rely on someone. HTH.
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would call her and leave a nice empathetic message basically saying "hey I know you are really busy and stuff is crazy right now, but I need you and the other girls to come with me to try on dresses. I realize that you are extremely bust but if you are too busy and can't handle being in the wedding, I understand, but please let me know so I know what your thoughts are on everything"

    Put it so that the ball is in her court, and also so that maybe she feels a little guily for ditching you but without making her mad or annoyed at you. Does this make sense?

    The fact of the matter is, I know I am crazy busy. I have school, an internship, and 5 classes however I would definately make time for my friends wedding stuff. Maybe you two aren't as good of friends as you thought? Because I feel after putting you off a few times shows that you two aren't that close.
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  • JennaHRJennaHR member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I agree with PP, while it's against "etiquette" to ask someone to leave the bridal party, I think it's more than okay to give them a chance to back out. And don't worry a bout finding a replacement, there is nothing wrong with uneven bridal parties

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Just set up a date with the 4 who want to go shopping. You can let the 5thBM know where to meet up, if she is interested. If she is too busy, let her know where she can order her dress, at her convenience. You don't have to kick her out at all. If she doesn't order her dress in time, then she still be a wedding guest, right? That is the kind of problem that just solves itself.
    And don't worry about having equal numbers of female/male attendants. It's not necessary to have even sides.
                       
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  • tommyandytommyandy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Send her an email letting her know when the shopping trip is.  If you get no response at all & she doesn't show up, assume she has removed herself.  If it makes you feel better send her a follow-up email with the link to the dress with the order time line & cost.  Actually, include all the BM in the emails.  This way you aren't singling her out. 
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