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2dBride · August 2010

Why is your mother in charge of the invitations? Is she paying for the wedding?

You should invite those whom you want to be there. If you can't because she refuses to pay if your father is invited, then you really need to delay the wedding until you two can save up to pay for it yourself.

mica178 · August 2010

I couldn't have said it better myself.

trix1223 · August 2010

Who's paying for the wedding?

jenellsrevenge · August 2010

if she is not paying for the wedding then invite who you want to invite.

If she chooses not to attend then she is being childish and showing her true colors.

wiwicaty · August 2010

I agree with 2dBride

CA2MT4EveR · August 2010

It really sounds like you have a better relationship with your father than your mother the way you are trash talking her. Maybe you need to take some time to deal with the situations and work on relationships. I am sorry you have this going on. I'm with the previous questions- who is paying?

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

If your mother is paying for 100% of the wedding, the guest list is ultimately her call. If you want your dad there, decline her money. Lots of couples pay for their own weddings on tight budgets.

Belle2Be · August 2010

Do YOU want your dad there?

Check Yes or No

☐ Yes
☐ No

Ok, now if you checked Yes, you need to decline your mothers help, and fund your own wedding.
If you checked No, well that's that.
Either way, you need to accept that he's is the father/man that he is, not the father/man that you want him to be. If you want something from him, its up to YOU to communicate that, not just expect it. If you want money for time off work, then file for unemployment. Your father is a business man, they have funds/ insurance to pull from for that.

Manwaithiel · August 2010

I hearken to Belle's post. I think you have a bit of growing up to do. This is blunt so you are forewarned.

It's immature of you to complain about not having money and being angry at your father for you going along with something that you knew full well you didn't legally have to do and then not file for unemployment or contact the labor department. You realize Domino's is an LLC do you not? As an ex-manager, surely you understand how that works. Your father's assets are not personally under any sort of risk and if he's somehow responsible for what happened to you, then he certainly doesn't deserve your protection. Either way, if you're upset about your circumstances, do the adult thing and file the paperwork you need to file so you can at least live, let alone have a wedding which it sounds like you might end up having to pay for. See below:

If you and your FI cannot afford to have a wedding right now (which it sounds like you cannot) then either do the JOP and do a reception later when you can afford it, do a JOP and leave it at that, or wait until you can afford an actual wedding. If you really want your father there, then decline your mother's help and refer to the last few options I just listed for you.

These are the decisions a grown up needs to make and right now you're letting mom and dad run your life around. If you're mature enough to get married, then you should be mature enough not to let your parents cause you unneeded stress. There is absolutely nothing you posted about that you could not fix yourself if you would just do it.

RebeccaB88 · August 2010

Elope.

strohmgibson · August 2010

i am not trying to protect my father. my dad owns a small corporation dba dominos pizza. he has sent messages telling me that if i file for unemployment, i can count on losing contact with that side of my family. that is why i havent.

i was forewarned, but must say your post was extremely rude, manwalthiel. i have decided to leave my father out of the wedding. thank you all for your helpful opinions.

Belle2Be · August 2010

Dude Stroh, he is NOT a good guy. I'm glad that you are taking the steps to get that negative force out of your life, but ANY man who chooses money over his family is NOT a good man. I'm sorry you have to deal with an a hole like that in the first place, no wonder your mother was so upset.

File for unemployment and be happy that you are rid of him. How DARE he blackmail you to the point where you can't even support yourself for fear of losing him.

Manwaithiel · August 2010

You can think it's rude all you want. But it's the truth. You're bemoaning to everyone that you've had to live off savings and that your mom is in trouble b/c she's trying to help you with this wedding, yet you insist on having this wedding anyway and you refuse to file for unemployment so that you could at least have some money because you don't want to "cut ties".

NOW you're not even going to have your father there so I don't know how you went from "I really want my father there" and "My mom's been great about everything except insisting my father not be there" etc. I don't even know why it matters if you file for unemployment anymore. I don't even know why you posted this in the first place since having your father there doesn't seem to be that important to you anyway.

Veittobe · August 2010

OMG. I am appalled by the actions of both of your parents.

If I were you, I would sit down with both of them (separately) and explain to them that this is YOUR wedding and they need to start acting like adults and be civil enough for you to atleast have a happy wedding.

Your parents are both being ridiculous. They are doing the classic "hurting the child in an attempt to hurt the other person" baloney.

GOOD LUCK!!

strohmgibson · August 2010

I convinced my mother to include my father, after all this. so that is settled.

My mother is not in financial trouble because of this wedding, both of my parents are well off. She's angry with my father for obvious reasons and was trying to punish him by not inviting him.

I told my mom I wasn't going to be getting married if he wasn't invited, and that worked just fine. She immediately added him to the guest list.

I really don't care if my father is there or not, because of how he has treated me in the past, but he is my father. And he needs to be at my wedding... even if he isn't going to give me away. Just because. I'm moving out of state after the wedding and I don't know when I'll see him again. Maybe I'll get a sincere apology.

And THANK YOU Veittobe. That really sums it up.

I posted this because I didn't know how to approach my parents, and because I really didn't know at first if I even wanted my dad to be there. All this brainstorming has helped tremendously. Thank you all.

Crisis averted

MVJP10 · August 2010

Missed the good stuff!

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